Derailment
by Ruby-Wednesday
Summary: Edward and Bella form an instant connection after a chance encounter in the train station.Will this collision bring them back on track or derail them completely? E/B AH
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue.**

One crisp September morning, Edward Cullen sat on the train. His hands were wrapped around a paper cup of coffee that he didn't bother to drink. The hot liquid warmed his fingers but the rest of him felt cold. His gaze was trained out the window. He wasn't looking at the scenery. He saw the same green fields and industrial estates everyday. He mostly looked out the window to avoid making eye contact with the other passengers. Though on the commuter train there was little danger of that. Around him, everyone made it their business to avoid any kind of personal contact with their fellow travellers. They read newspapers and tapped away on laptops. Others chatted on cell-phones at the top of their voices always announcing that they were on the train. They were the ones that irritated him more that anything.

Some people listened to music. It was their way of keeping a sense of privacy in such a public place. Or maybe it was just something to make the time pass more quickly. Edward envied them. He would have liked to listen to his ipod. It would have been a distraction if nothing else. But he didn't really bother with music much anymore. His heart wasn't in it.

Edward was only nineteen. Technically, he had the whole world at his feet. But he knew better. He was jaded, bored, indifferent. Everyday of his life was the same. There was no break in the monotony he had rutted himself into.

Every morning he got up early and went for a run. He ate breakfast that his mother Esme cooked for the family. He had been adopted at a young age so she was everything a mother should be to him. He had never been a morning person so he could get away with being quiet then. He left the house before his sister Alice came downstairs. She always saw right through him and he found it impossible to lie to her anyway. Then he got the train from the suburbs into the city to work.

He couldn't say he hated his job although he didn't like the fact that he only had it as a favour to his father. Carlisle was a well-respected doctor and had secured Edward an internship in a private medical research facility. It was mildly challenging and at least it filled his days. He tried not to think about how he should be in his first year of college this year.

He spent his days assisting with research, taking notes and being a general dogsbody. He was unfailingly polite but kept to himself and always ignored the advances of the young women who worked there.

After work, he got the train home. He ate dinner and made small talk with his family. Sometime he'd call his brother who was away in college but that always reminded him of what he was missing out on. Thankfully Alice was busy these days. She was in her senior year of high school and self-appointed head of the yearbook committee. All because 'memories are important', as she kept reminding him. He would have laughed at that only for he knew it would hurt her feelings. They all knew they were some things that were better forgotten.

After dinner, he'd watch tv or pretend to fill out some of the college applications Carlisle kept giving to him. Then he'd try to sleep, blocking out as much of the doubts and voices that played in his mind as he could.

And the next day he'd get up and do it all over again.

Without a doubt, commuting was the worst part of his day. He hated taking the train, being crammed into a carriage full of obnoxious strangers. He needed to be in control. He was the type of person who couldn't be a passenger in a car. He _always _had to drive. He wished he could have driven his Volvo to work everyday but it made no sense considering traffic and parking in the city. Trying to negotiate rush hour traffic was almost as frustrating as being stuck on a train.

The train was slowing and already people were gathering there belongings, eager to be at the doors as soon as it shuddered to a stop. Edward joined the queue to exit the train. He paused to let an elderly lady go in front of him, ignoring the huffing of an overweight businessman behind him, and stepped down onto the platform.

He always spent as little time as possible in the train station. He never lingered to buy a newspaper or a drink or watch the people go by. The high ceilings did nothing to prevent the feelings of claustrophobia that always engulfed him as he got swept along in the rush towards the exit.

Realising that he was still carrying the coffee cup he navigated through the crowd to the rubbish bin to throw it away. It had gone cold and he didn't even really like coffee anyway. It tasted as bitter as he felt. He paused at the bin as a scene unfolding across the tracks caught his eye.

On the opposite platform there was a woman pushing a stroller and barking into a cell-phone. She had a bright red coat on and the three-wheeled stroller had a tacky leopard print cover. She was pushing her way through the crowd, bashing several people on the legs with the large front wheel of the push-chair. The child looked to be about two. He had curly blonde hair and was clutching a battered looking blue stuffed rabbit. Then the child lost his grip on the toy and it fell to the dirty floor.

Edwards hand shot out automatically as if to catch it. It was silly thing to do since there was a deep cavern and about fifteen feet of tracks separating them. The child's face crumpled and tears began to fall. His mother clipped along, totally oblivious to her sons distress. This invoked strange emotions in Edward. Inexplicably, he felt hurt to see the child so upset. He wasn't used to caring so much about complete strangers. He wasn't used to caring much about anything, excepting his family.

Then he saw a girl bend down and pick up the bunny. Her long brown hair was tied into a loose ponytail and she wore a backpack on her back. She darted along the platform and without thinking Edward began to walk too. He was anxious to see what she was going to do. The girl ducked through the throngs of people until she reached the woman with the stroller. She returned the toy to the little boy and his sobs turned to whimpers and then a huge smile. The mother hadn't noticed the toy was missing and she didn't even acknowledge the girls act of kindness before she stomped off.

Edward thought he would have been a little insulted if he had gone out of his way to help someone and he got no gratitude. He knew he was selfish like that. But clearly this girl was a better person because the slight did not affect her at all. He watched as she stood still for a moment and he found himself frozen in place too. The little boy had stuck his head around the side of the stroller and gave a small wave to the girl.

Edward saw her face light up into a brilliant smile as she wiggled her fingers back at the child. It was probably the sweetest thing he had ever witnessed. It had been a long time since he had been touched by something. This girl was seemed so vibrant, caring, full of life. In a way it warmed his heart but the darker part of him hated her for it. She was everything he wasn't.

When the child disappeared from sight, the girl turned her head in Edwards direction. Her eyes met Edwards and locked there. Her gaze was captivating. Even if he wanted to, he would have been unable to tear himself away. Her eyes were a deep chocolate brown and she had full lips and porcelain skin. He could tell she was pretty in a natural way and she was dressed casually. Her eyes were wide. Perhaps she was shocked to find a stranger staring at her across the station.

He couldn't explain it but at that moment he felt more alive than he had in months. As he made eye contact with the beautiful girl he felt _something. _Chemistry, a connection, something real and tangible.

It shocked him to his core.

Even with the distance between them, he could see a trail of red begin to creep up the girls neck and flood her cheeks. She was blushing. That was what made him come to his senses.

This girl, this beautiful stranger, was young, kind and probably innocent. Even if he did manage to talk to her there was no way she'd be interested in someone like him. In the simple act he had witnessed she had proven she was too good for him. Even being in his company would taint her.

So he finally blinked and spun around, moving back into the swell of people rushing towards the exit. He didn't let himself look back and he walked into the harsh light of day, leaving the girl behind him for now.

-

Bella Swan was used to being ignored. There were times when she felt practically invisible. This was something she was used to. It normally never bothered her but there were times when she felt incredibly lonely. Isolation was truly one of the hardest things for a person to deal with.

Perhaps that was what motivated her to chase after the child to return his bunny. She needed to connect with someone, make an impact on the life of another person. Or maybe it was just that she couldn't bear to see the little boy so upset. There was enough suffering in this world and he was far too young to start now.

Either way, she dodged through the harried commuters until she caught up with the child and returned his lost toy to him. His mothers indifference didn't affect her at all. It ran off her like water but when the curly haired boy turned and waved at her it made her inexplicably happy. She may have been weak and often ineffective but at least she had done one worthwhile thing today.

Not knowing quite what to do when the child had been pushed out of sight, Bella looked around self-consciously. She always made a point not to draw attention to herself here of all places. She hadn't planned on making a spectacle of herself like that.

She realised then she had a small audience. Across the tracks a lone man was watching her. He seemed younger than most of the people that came through the station at this time. He wore a pair of well cut slacks and a button-up shirt, setting apart from the usual suits that people wore but he still looked professional. His hair, an unusual shade of copper-brown, was slightly messy which added to his boyish appearance. He couldn't have been much older than her. He was also shockingly handsome. The type of person that wouldn't ordinarily give her a second glance.

But he was staring at her and when her eyes met his she was captured. She resisted the urge to look down like she normally would have. His green eyes were piercing, even from far away. His gaze was curious and…something else she just couldn't place. It was so intense she felt a familiar heat make its way up her neck and stain her cheeks. Her heart began to pound due to the intensity of the moment. It was the first time in a long time that she had felt a connection with another person. It was like an electric current passed between them and she felt compelled to reach out and touch him. He was too beautiful to be real.

Then he seemed to shake his head and took a step back, breaking the contact between them. He turned and fled towards the exit leaving a stunned Bella blinking behind him.

Right then, it didn't matter that he was so far apart from her. That he was clearly rich and gorgeous and a million miles out of her league. That he probably thought she was crazy for staring at him like that.

He had looked at her, looked right through her. He _saw _her and that was enough. Bella turned and disappeared back into the crowd. She became invisible once again. But try as she might she couldn't forget him.

* * *

So that was the just the prologue of my first all human story. Please tell me what you thought. There'll be more up very soon!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter One.**

Edward left the station as quickly as he could without actually breaking into a run. That place always made him feel edgy. He tried to push the image of the girl with the kind brown eyes out of his head, unable to understand why such a brief encounter had effected him so. All through work he replayed the scene in his mind. It's not like he really had to concentrate on the job anyway.

In just a few seconds he had memorised the image of her face, burned it into his subconscious. Thinking about her wasn't deliberate, he couldn't control it. He tried to distract himself as he sat in the employee break room. He flicked through the newspaper, scanning the articles that said the same thing every single day. War, politics, the recession, oil prices, celebrity scandals. The names and details may change but the content was the same. Nothing captured his attention long enough to finish the article.

"Dude, I'm never drinking again," Mike and Tyler, the other two research assistants clattered into the room, interrupting Edward's peace. "It's not worth it,"

Edward nodded a greeting at them and returned to his paper. He made a point to never engage in conversation with those two. Apart from being the most irritating people he had ever come across, they also never missed an opportunity to try show Edward who was superior. In their tiny brains the fact that they were in their third year of college made them better than him. And there was no escaping their inane chatter and exaggerated tales of drunken frat parties. They were science students for pity's sake. Geeks of the worst kind because they didn't know how pathetic they were.

It still pained him to have to listen to them.

"I lost count after the tenth beer," complained Mike. "And don't even get me started on the shots,"

"_Yeah right," _Edward thought._ "He was more likely to have drank three wine coolers and a crème de menthe."_

"It's worth it though," added Tyler. "Freshmen girls are fucking hot and so easy to get,"

Mike nodded. "Three drinks and they're anybody's,"

The idea of those creeps preying on vulnerable girls sickened Edward. He pushed back his chair, deliberately scraping is against the tiles to aggravate their hangovers, and left the room. His anger grew as he imagined a girl like the one he saw at the station in that situation. She had looked so young and innocent. She could have been a freshman at the university, he definitely remembered her carrying a backpack.

He took a deep breath and pushed the idea our of his head. The world was full of pathetic losers like Tyler and Newton. He couldn't control their actions and he certainly didn't know why that girls face had come into the equation. He didn't even know her name.

That was something to think about while he prepped the room for the next exam. It was no wonder the other assistants though he was a teachers pet. It was still lunchtime and he was already working again. He couldn't imagine what name would suit a girl like that. Certainly nothing run of the mill but nothing too exotic either. He couldn't think of anything that fit and he kept referring to her as the beautiful girl in his mind. All through the afternoon he thought about her. Everytime he closed his eyes he saw her. He remembered the way she moved through the crowd. He envisioned her deep brown eyes, her full lips and shiny brunette hair. He pictured her porcelain skin and the pink blush that stained it.

Apparently she was the fantasy woman he never knew he had. This was a first for Edward and he didn't know what to think about it. Even though his thoughts were entirely innocent he still felt confused. He couldn't ever remember a girl, any girl, occupying his thoughts like this before. He figured it must be an indication of how empty his life was when a random sighting of a stranger could make him obsess like this. She could be an axe murderer for all he knew…..an axe murderer who was kind to children. She had probably forgotten all about him. Or ran off and told her boyfriend about the weird guy who had been staring at her in the station that morning.

He would probably never see her again.

Still, he found himself searching through the crowds as he made his way along the platform in the station that evening. Hoping to see her face amongst the sea of people. It was rush hour and the odds were against him. It was foolish to think it was even likely, considering that thousands of people passed through here every day. He boarded the train and as it chugged out of the station, he was unable to suppress the disappointment that clouded his demeanour.

He didn't know that from behind a column Bella Swan had watched him walk to the train.

She was getting very good at being inconspicuous and so, she had a great view of Edward's journey through the station. He was the single most handsome person she had ever seen in her life and she was anxious to get a better look. His face had been imprinted on her mind and occupied her thoughts all day. She noticed he walked taller than he had this morning, keeping his chin up. Though he still appeared to be tense as he weaved through the evening rush. It seemed like he was looking for someone, a girlfriend perhaps, or maybe he enjoyed people watching the way she did.

Her eyes followed him as he stepped onto the train and slumped into a seat. He rested his head against the dusty window. He looked extremely weary, sad almost, and she didn't like to his beautiful face so troubled. She watched until the train disappeared from sight, knowing he was returning to his real life and it was time for her to blend back into the crowd.

The whole train journey, Edward had brooded over his disappointment at not seeing her again. He had hoped that a second sighting would get her out of his system. Maybe she wouldn't be as pretty as he remembered or maybe he'd hear her voice would grate at him. Maybe she would jump the turnstile or pick her nose. Anything to end this fascination. But he didn't have the chance to dismiss her because he didn't even see her. So he continued to obsess.

Once Edward arrived back at the big white house he called home, it was slightly easier for him to leave behind the memory of the girl. He had planned to go straight to his room. For the first time in months he felt the urge to turn on some music and forget about everything else. However, his family had other plans and he had to sit down to dinner with them.

He tried his best to be good company for them. The house was so much quieter without Emmett and he knew Esme missed him dearly. He loved his family more than anything, even if he didn't always express it well, and they shouldn't have to suffer for his flaws.

"How was your day Edward?" Esme asked him as she dished out mashed potatoes. He could hear genuine concern in her voice, she really cared whether or not his day went well. Her smile was bright and too kind. What could he say to that? Every day was the exact same.

"_Great!" _ He could answer with false enthusiasm. "_I found a way to break the mind numbing monotony by forming an unhealthy obsession about a complete stranger,"_

"Fine," he answered Esme wearily. Then he realised he shouldn't be rude. "We got a lot of work done, I'm really making progress,"

"That's good dear," she replied.

Carlisle looked at him carefully. Edward suspected he could tell when he was trying to placate Esme. He knew him so well, he could see straight through him. So Edward never made eye contact when he told white lies like that.

"I was talking to my guidance counsellor today," Alice piped up, grabbing his attention for the first time. She sat across from him, looking even tinier beside the huge dining table. She had one leg tucked under her and her foot jiggled as she spoke. Alice simply couldn't sit still and Esme had long since given up trying to get her to sit properly at the dinner table.

"And he was saying that the work you're doing will really look good when you apply for colleges this year," she continued, popping a spoon in her mouth.

Edward immediately stiffened, not liking the direction this conversation. He wanted very badly to tell Alice to mind her own business. But he didn't have it in him to be cruel to her. In the eight years they had lived together he had come to love her like a sister and he couldn't try to crush her enthusiasm like other people had.

"It will," confirmed Carlisle, saving Edward from having to answer. Or maybe he was just filling the silence. Either way, his lilting English accent could diffuse any situation.

Alice's eyes were wide as she continued to chatter. "Maybe we can even apply to the same places. It would be nice to know another person and we could look out for each other,"

Did she think he needed looking after? He had one little mistake last year, it didn't mean he was incompetent.

Carlisle distracted Alice before she bothered Edward further. "Being involved with the yearbook will look good on applications too, pumpkin. How is that going?"

Edward tossed Carlisle a grateful look. The yearbook was Alice's latest project and like everything else she was faced with, she was one hundred and ten percent committed to it. Alice never did things by halves and this was no exception. She launched into a play by play account of all the work she had done so far and the rest of the family were only required to nod at appropriate intervals.

He couldn't help but worry that Alice was coming on too strong and her devotion to the project wouldn't endear her to the other students. He made a mental note to gently address the subject later. But for now he didn't want to be the one to burst her bubble. He was content to sit back and listen to his family converse happily. And for even a little while he didn't think about his problems or the beautiful stranger.

After dinner, he retired to the third floor bedroom that had been his retreat since he was three years old. He sprawled on his leather couch and channel surfed for the rest of the evening, never settling long enough to watch an entire show. He wasn't into the popular dramas and comedies. They were far too fake or melodramatic A wildlife documentary was the most interesting thing he came across.

"Edward!" Esme called from downstairs. "Pick up the phone, Emmett wants to talk to you,"

He grabbed the rarely used cordless phone that sat on his locker. "Emmett?"

"Hey little bro," said his brother. There was actually only a few months between Emmett and Edward. They had both been ten when Emmett had come to live with the Cullens but he had immediately assumed the role of older brother, in size if nothing else.

"How's life Em?" asked Edward. He always enjoyed his brothers easy going attitude.

"Not too bad. Classes and practice are tiring enough," He didn't bother asking the same question to Edward. He would only get his stock answer of 'fine' anyway. There was nothing new to share.

"So I ran into a blast from your past last week," he continued.

Edward tensed up, not sure of who Emmett could be referring to. "Really?" he asked, cautiously.

"Yup. Rosalie Hale. Didn't she spend a few weeks here one summer?"

"How could I forget Rosalie?" Even as a child she had great beauty and a sense of vanity and self-importance to match. Her parents were old acquaintances of Carlisle and Esme and had sent her to the same performing arts camp as Edward one summer. He had been a day student studying music and Rosalie was forced into acting lessons by pushy parents. She had hated the camp and as an act of mercy Esme and Carlisle invited her to stay with them instead. That was before Emmett and Alice had moved in and there were glad to give Edward some company.

They used to joke that Edward and Rosalie would end up together some day. Even at a young age, they both found the idea abhorrent and bickered for the entire duration of her stay.

"So she's going to college here now, studying engineering. Can you believe that? I always had her pegged for a dumb bimbo by the way you spoke abut her. But she completely ignores the sorority rush to hang out in the engineering building. She's stunning too-tall, blonde, athletic. Legs that go on forever and don't get me started on her body-"

" I won't, " he promised. He really didn't want to hear about Rosalie's body or how Emmett had gotten acquainted with it.

Emmett chuckled. "So we're kind of dating now. I _really _like her man. So I just figured I'd fill you in. She says to tell you hi. It's be great if you could come out here for a visit soon. You can see for yourself how much she's changed,"

Was that pity Edward heard in his voice? "I'll try but I'm pretty busy with work," He made his excuse.

"Ok, well the offer is always open. It might do you good," He coughed then, embarrassedly. "Anyway I better go. Rose gets mad if I keep her waiting. Call me anytime bro,"

He heard a click and then the dial tone. He didn't know what to make of Emmett's news. He was away at college, doing well for himself, falling for his childhood friend and calling her Rose. He didn't want her, he didn't want any girl for that matter. And he certainly didn't want Emmett's life. He just wanted something more than what he had right then and he had no idea how to go about changing that.

Eventually it was late enough for him to go to bed and try to sleep. In the dark, he stared up at the blank ceiling and hoped that tomorrow would be different. Even in the plush comfort of bed, in the hazy period between sleep and wake he didn't really believe that was possible.

Some distance away, over many miles of railway track, Bella Swan lay on a very different bed and tried to sleep. It was hard to block out the noises around her. It was hard to relax enough to sleep.

That night the temperature really dropped, signalling that summer was well and truly over. Bella pulled her worn blanket up over her shoulders and pretended that it was the bronze haired boy who was wrapping his arms around her and keeping her warm.

* * *

So if you're still with me, thanks for sticking around. That chapter was mostly background stuff. We'll be getting into the more interesting stuff soon. I know this is raising questions and I promise they'll all be answered in time.

Thanks again for all the positive response so far. This is so much different than writing Heatwave I'm anxious to hear what ye think of it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Two.**

Edward had always been a light sleeper. As a child, he had been prone to night terrors that sent Carlisle and Esme running to his room every night. They subsided as he grew older but the slightest noise still woke him and kept him awake for hours. That was the main reason he was the sole occupant of the third floor. So he was used to spending his nights tossing and turning. Since he moved back home, there were times when he felt like a complete insomniac and considered asking Carlisle for sleeping pills. But he didn't want to worry his father unnecessarily or admit his weaknesses.

So he suffered through the sleepless nights.

He woke countless times that night. His mind teetered precariously in the awkward realm between consciousness and unconsciousness all night long. His dreams were disjointed and incomprehensible. Lights faded and flashed, confusing his vision like when a train sped under a bridge or through a tunnel. And there was always a brown haired girl, who he could see only from behind, just out of his reach.

It was a relief when the alarm clock buzzed and Edward could get out of bed and go for his morning run. Leaves crunched under his feet as he jogged the familiar path. The tree branches were looking sparse already as they lost their gold, amber and brown foliage. When he was younger Esme used to say the colour of his hair reminded her of autumn leaves. She hadn't mentioned that this Fall.

Some neighbourhood kids crossed his path. They screamed with laughter as they played boisterously in piles of leaves, kicking them up with scuffed shoes. Just a few weeks ago those same children had shuffled passed him on their first day of school, with nervous faces and shiny new shoes.

The seasons, the children, everything was changing and evolving and Edward remained the same.

He ran faster, pushing himself out of his usual comfort zone, until he was sprinting. Running was therapeutic. It gave him a goal, a sense of purpose, and a chance to focus solely on one thing. He kept going until all he was aware of was the steady rhythm of his feet on the pavement and the sound of his heart pounding in his chest and blood rushing in his ears. By the time he had completed his circuit and returned home, he was dripping with sweat and panting for breath.

He didn't slow down, bursting in through the back door and startling Esme at the stove. He ran straight upstairs. The sound of Alice's soprano voice drifted out from her bathroom and he could hear Carlisle whistle as he shaved. On the second flight of stairs, he pulled his damp t-shirt over his head and went into the shower.

The hot water did little to slow his heart rate or calm his nerves.

He dressed quickly, towel dried his hair and went downstairs. He could hear his family already eating breakfast but he didn't feel like sitting down with them again. He dashed into the airy kitchen and grabbed an apple to take with him.

"Edward?" Alice began. "Can I take your car today? I might have to stay after school and Mom has an appointment this afternoon. I promise I'll be careful--"

"Fine," He cut her off, not bothering to listen to her excuses. "Just don't get me another parking ticket. See you all later,"

Alice was clearly shocked that he had agreed so quickly. He had never been good at sharing his stuff.

"Thanks!" She called after him.

He was already gone out the door. He didn't even hear his parents goodbyes.

Edward was strangely anxious to get to work.

No, that was a lie.

He was anxious to get on the commuter train that would bring him into the city.

Because hopefully in the city, he would see _her _again.

The train journey was even more unpleasant than usual because Edward had the misfortune of sitting beside a large man who had decided to read the newspaper. Why someone would attempt to read a broadsheet when there was no table, just a few inches of space between the seats that could barely accommodate his bulk was beyond Edward. It resulted in him being elbowed several times and getting poked in the eye with the corner of the page. Not to mention being at the receiving end of a dirty look when the man got the impression Edward was trying to read over his shoulder.

It was a relief to alight the train.

As soon as he put his foot on the platform, he was reminded of why he despised this place so much. It was noisy and packed and he immediately got caught up in the rush towards the exit. There was no point in fighting the swell of people pulling him along. Instead he craned his neck hoping to catch a glimpse of the girl again. There was so many people rushing along, it was next to impossible to distinguish faces in the crowd. He almost gave up hope.

Then, there she was.

The gods must have been smiling down on him that morning.

She was lounging casually by the turnstiles, as if she was waiting for someone. For a second he almost imagined she was waiting for him.

His heart thumped in his chest. His step faltered and the most peculiar jittery feeling went through him. He had to keep walking, that was the only way out. She was all he had thought about for the last twenty four hours and now he was afraid to walk in her direction.

His memories hadn't done her justice.

She was even more intriguing than he remembered. She seemed comfortable, at home somehow, in these bustling surroundings where Edward could never relax. She was still pretty of course. She was chewing on the inside of her lip. Her hair was down today, falling around her shoulders in soft waves, and she had this faraway look in her eyes that made him want to know what she was thinking about.

He was only a few feet from her when she turned in his direction. He knew she noticed him; her face brightened in recognition and a smile lit up her entire face. Her smile was infectious and Edward smiled back at her reflexively.

He felt the same sparks as they had the day before. In fact they were magnified, heightened from being closer to her. At this distance, he could see the red flecks in her hair and the crinkles around her eyes when she smiled.

He was almost right beside her and she looked expectant. Did she expect him to talk? All he had planned for was seeing her again, not holding a conversation that would in doubt scare her away.

He wanted her to like him. He didn't know why but there was something appealing in the way she smiled when she saw him. Surely if she knew him, she wouldn't look at him like that. Perhaps it was better to live in the fantasy.

So he kept walking.

He walked right on by and her smile faded as he passed. He tried not to look back. He really did. But he couldn't resist one quick glance before I left. She was still in the same spot. Still looking at him. And when she saw that he looked back she smiled again.

Damn.

He was going to replaying that smile in his head all day long.

-

Bella didn't really care what other people thought of her. It was doubtful that people ever thought of her at all. Therefore she had no qualms about coming off as a stalker and standing in that same spot all morning, waiting to see him again. He had gotten off the number nine train yesterday so she took up her post at the exit to that platform. When he walked towards her, her heart literally skipped a beat. She had though that was only an expression used in bad romance stories but there she was, standing in a bustling train station, with her heart hammering in her chest at the sight of a man.

Not just any man. The handsome intriguing man who had consumed her thoughts all the previous day.

His hair was messy and he could have done with a shave. That scruffiness contrasted with his neat clothing and it made her like him all the more. Maybe he wasn't so perfect after all. She couldn't help but smile.

And when he returned that smile she was positively elated.

It was the best thing that happened to her in weeks.

When he walked so close to her, she felt like she couldn't breathe. Some kind of vacuum had formed in the space between them and it sucked all the air out of the room.

She didn't expect him to stop. Why would he? She doubted he would have been able to form a coherent sentence anyway.

Her smile faded when he passed him by. Not from disappointment that he didn't talk to her. It faded because she was sad that he was already leaving. A brief sighting was all she could hope for.

Before he reached that exit, walked into the bright light that signalled the entrance into the real world, he turned back and looked at her.

She knew then that she hadn't imagined the connection that was formed yesterday. He noticed her. She had impacted on his life in some small way. It would be enough. For now.

It was time for her to move. That long-haired rail-worker, the dark-skinned good looking one, was watching her again. The unwarranted attention made her uncomfortable. She left where she was standing to find somewhere quieter to think things over.

See, Bella was used to things not working out for her. Living with her mom in Phoenix hadn't worked. Living with her dad in Forks hadn't worked. Moving here to start a new independent life sure as hell wasn't working. So she wasn't about to get her hopes up and think that this beautiful stranger would be thinking about her in the same way.

He was definitely unattainable. All of the good things on this earth were out of Bella's reach. She realised it was unhealthy to obsess like this. She always scoffed at girls in her high school who had crushed on boys out of their league. Now she was no better. She needed a little excitement in her otherwise mundane life.

If Bella was the type of person to who believed in fate and destiny, she would have thought that she was meant to see him that first morning. That he was meant to see her. But she was fairly cynical, so she chalked it up to coincidence and the power of positive thinking.

And the thoughts she had about him were possibly the most positive she'd had in while.

How was it that just a few weeks ago she had made the journey to this new city, full of hopes and dreams and aspirations? They had quickly been dashed. But she couldn't bring herself to give up those hopes completely. Her current state of mind was just a glitch, a set-back. It wouldn't be like this forever. She was used to coping with less than ideal circumstances and making the best of what she had.

So she told herself things weren't all bad. In her English Lit class that afternoon she was pleased to find she got the highest grade in her class. They were studying the portrayal of the adolescent in modern fiction; easy stuff that she could have done since she was in high school. But still it was a pleasant surprise when she saw the block capital A printed beside her name. Two good things in one day, maybe her luck was changing.

Sitting in the large lecture hall, she was shocked when the professor called her name. "The highest grade in the class was awarded to Ms. Isabella Swan for her essay on how the themes of isolation of the adolescent and coming of age are explored in _The Catcher in the Rye _and _The Go-Between. _Well done, Ms. Swan,"

A slight rumble of activity went through the hall at the professors words. It was unusual for a student to be called on individually in such a setting. There were three hundred students in that class alone. It was usually anonymous. The students looked at each other with questions in their eyes. The question was obvious to Bella. They were all wondering who the hell he was talking about.

"Is she here?" The professor asked.

More questioning. More looks. No answers.

Bella wanted badly to raise her hand and receive the praise and attention she deserved. _"Here!" _she wanted to scream. "_It's Bella not Isabella. I wrote that essay. I take this class. I exist."_

She didn't say anything, too shy and too awkward to really draw attention to herself like that. She kept her head down. She looked forward to seeing that boy later on and to the day things would get better.

That evening, when he returned to the station he ran his hands through his hair repeatedly while he stood on the platform. Bella wanted to be the one to do that, stubby, bitten-to-the-quick fingernails and all.

His shoulders were hunched over and his arms were folded across his chest. Bella wanted rub his neck and help him relax.

So she kept watching him. Admiring him. When one was in the same place as such a fascinating person at the same time every day how could they not look? It wasn't even much of a calculated choice. She simply _had _to see him.

On Wednesday, he was wearing a charcoal grey woollen jacket with the collar turned up and it shielded her view of his face. In trying to keep the cold out, he was succeeding in keeping the world out. Bella doubted he even knew how intimidating he looked.

She saw several women shoot admiring glances his way. She didn't like it but he didn't seem to notice any of them. He _did _notice her and it made her happy.

On Thursday, he didn't walk as fast as usual as he made his way to the exit. Like he was drawing out their little smiling session. She had never seen him do anything but rush straight to the exit before.

Bella had her back to him, in an attempt to be discreet, but she could see him approach in the reflection on the marble tiles. She could feel his eyes burning into her back and she peeked over her shoulder for a better look. The intensity of the connection hadn't lessened as the days passed. For that second their eyes met the rest of the world ceased to matter. The hum of the crowd, the thunderous noise of the trains, the whirr of the ticket machines all faded away.

There was only her and this nameless, gorgeous stranger who smiled at her and made her day.

He turned around when he walked past her, unwilling to break the eye contact. She quickly looked over her other shoulder to keep up with him. Walking backwards, with a sheepish grin on his face, was the most open Bella had ever seen him.

Then he smacked directly into a man who crossed his path. The man was clearly disgruntled and Bella couldn't suppress the laugh that escaped her mouth.

She hadn't laughed in a long time.

He shrugged his shoulders at her as if to say 'what can I do?' He must have been trying to act nonchalant but she saw that his neck was red. He turned and swiftly went to the exit.

Bella was delighted. It was the first communication they'd shared other than a smile.

The significance wasn't lost on either of them.

On Thursday evening, they resumed their routine of shy smiles. She noticed he seemed tense again.

On Fridays there was generally a different energy to the train station. It was the anticipation for the weekend that gave the commuters a better attitude. There were out of towners coming in for the weekend and city types heading out of town to greener pastures.

Neither Bella nor Edward had anything to look forward to.

Over the week, she had built up a fairly good analysis of his facial expression. That's what happened when a person had very little else that they wanted to think about. Each morning and evening, she witnessed his face undergo a brief transformation. His tense sullen expression would momentarily soften, his eyes would brighten and a sense of warmth overtook his otherwise cold exterior. It was perhaps the most genuine smile Bella had ever seen.

On Friday, she didn't feel the same inexplicable excitement as she had the other days that week. She was aware that in all likelihood, she wouldn't see him over the weekend and it made her sad.

Bella had a full week of secret smiles and furtive glances. She enjoyed it. She didn't ask for anything more. She didn't hope for anything more. But that couldn't stop her from _wanting _more.

When he smiled at her that morning, he seemed different. Unwilling. She hoped he was still embarrassed about bumping into the man yesterday. God knows, she had enough embarrassing experiences in her time. She was afraid he had come to his senses and realised there was something wrong with making moon eyes at a stranger everyday.

She didn't even consider he would be feeling the same separation anxiety she was suffering from.

His smile seemed a little bit sad when he walked by her that Friday evening. It didn't quite reach his eyes. In turn that sadness passed to Bella.

Then just when she thought she had it all figured out, before he stepped onto the train he turned and winked at her.

He _winked _at her and she just about fell off her seat on the cold wooden bench. She thought she could see his shoulders shaking slightly through the dusty windows. Was he laughing?

How was she ever going to figure this out? She did know one thing though - next week would be different. She would make sure of it.

* * *

Thanks again for all the reviews for last chapter. Please tell me what you think of this one - good or bad, I can take the criticism. I promise there'll be more Edward/Bella interaction in the next chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Three.**

On Monday morning Edward wanted very badly to skip his daily run. He had jogged that same route every morning since he was thirteen, with the exception of a few months last year, and for the first time ever he didn't feel the need to do it. There was somewhere else he'd rather be. He was a creature of habit, however, and he forced himself out the door.

It was raining, the kind of light mist that still managed to soak you, so he put up the hood of his new sweatshirt. He used to always wear the one Carlisle had given him, the one with the college logo, but he didn't think he brought it home with him.

The trees that had been almost bare last week were now stripped completely. The fallen leaves had gotten wet and turned to brown mush that stained his pristine white running shoes. Edward's shoes were never less than sparkling white. He'd have to get a new pair if he couldn't clean the dirt off.

Esme had made french toast for breakfast. It was Edward's favourite and he wolfed it down so quickly that it burned his tongue.

"You're in a hurry this morning," commented Carlisle.

He hadn't realised he was so obviously hurrying. "Well it's my favourite breakfast and Mom makes it so delicious,"

It was better to get their attention away from wondering why he would be rushing.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Suck up," she mouthed while Esme's back was turned.

"At least I don't drown the poor toast in maple syrup," he retorted. "It's swimming in it and the powdered sugar is forming a paste,"

"Since when have you been concerned about what way I eat my breakfast?" she asked. "You normally don't say more than two words in the morning,"

"Here's six words Alice. You've got syrup on your chin,"

With that, Edward grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair and his keys from the hook and headed for the door.

"Wait!" Alice called after him, dabbing her chin with a paper napkin. "Are you bringing your car today?"

"Well I'm not walking in the rain to get the train," he told her. "Bye Mom, bye Dad,"

"Drop me off at school on the way?" Alice picked up her book bag and followed him out.

"Can't someone else bring you? I'll be late," He really wanted to be on time today. He didn't want to miss her.

"You've got loads of time," Alice hopped in the passenger seat. She immediately changed the radio station. It bothered him but he wasn't going to argue with her about it. It had been quite a while since he'd been in such a good mood and he wasn't going to start spoiling things for himself again. He listened to Alice sing along to the radio instead.

"What's Rosalie like?" she asked him out of the blue.

"Rosalie Hale? I haven't seen her since we were kids." Edward shrugged. "She was always highly strung. We didn't keep in touch but I heard stories about her over the years. Her mother used to put her into pageants and she wasn't interested. Supposedly, she deliberately said some controversial stuff during an interview, called the adjudicator a perv or something, so she'd get kicked out. I heard stories about an ex-boyfriend of hers too but who am I to judge? I don't know if Emmett will be able to handle her. Why do you ask?"

"Just curious. Did you see he changed his status on Facebook to 'In a Relationship'?"

"Really?" he was genuinely surprised. "I thought Emmett was afraid of commitment. What else does it say?"

"Not much, If you joined you could see for yourself,"

"No thanks Alice. Online social networking isn't my thing," he told her.

Alice averted her gaze out the window. "Socialising in general isn't your thing. It's not good for you to be stuck up in your room all the time. Maybe you could get back in touch with some of your old friends,"

He sighed. He was sick of hearing such nuggets of advice, however well intentioned they were. "I don't want to get in touch with those people. If I did, I would,"

They were almost at the school and Alice wasn't letting the subject drop. "People in school often ask about you. They wonder why they never see you around. Especially the cheerleaders,"

He smirked. "And what do you tell them?"

"I tell them the elusive Edward Cullen is far too busy with his high flying city job to bother with high school nonsense," She laughed and then her smile faded. "Then they swiftly withdraw their party invitations,"

She tried to mask her pain but he saw it clearly. "Good girl. You don't want to talk to skanks like that anyway. You're better than that,"

"You're only as good as you believe yourself to be," she told him with a sigh and Edward knew she wasn't just talking about herself now. She was giving him advice. He was meant to be the older brother. When did she grow wiser than him?

He came to stop outside the redbrick building. It was still raining and the windscreen wipers whooshed back and forth. He wanted to tell Alice about what had been on his mind all week. He depended on her more than she knew.

Her hand was on the door handle. He needed her assurance. It was now or never.

"I've been seeing this girl," he blurted out.

She let go of the handle. She spun to face him and her eyes were out on stalks.

"What? When? Why didn't you tell me? What's she like? Is she pretty? When can I meet her? What's her name? When can I meet her?"

His brain tried to process Alice's rapid questions. Ok, deal with her obvious misunderstanding first.

"No Al, I mean seeing in the literal sense. Like with my eyes."

Alice's face fell. Why had he even brought this up? The clock was ticking, he had to catch his train soon. He could feel her eyes on him, boring into him looking for more information. His were closed shut as he searched for the right thing to say.

"Like stalking? Oh God, I knew you've been acting strange. Is that why you go running every morning? Who is it? Not that nasty soccer mom three doors down."

"God no," he interrupted her. "What do you think of me? There's this girl, her schedule must be the same as mine, I see her in the station at the same time every day. She's pretty. No, she's gorgeous, and I think she likes me too,"

"She does? How can you tell?" Natural curiosity and happiness mingled in Alice's voice.

"Because she looks at me the same way. She smiles and then her face goes red and she looks down all shy but she always looks back up. I always look back before I leave,"

"You haven't even talked to her?" she said flatly.

"Not yet,"

The clock on the dashboard was ticking away. He really had to go if he wanted to make the train.

"Why not?" she pressed.

"What if she doesn't like me?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper. He couldn't look at Alice.

"You can't live your life afraid to take risks, Edward. Talk to her. What's the worse that could happen?"

That was a very good question. She could reject him. She could hurt him. Or worse she could let him in and then he could hurt her. He didn't voice any of these concerns.

"You're right Al," he conceded.

"Well duh, I always am. So what's her body like? Do you want to screw her?"

"Alice!" Edward chastised her in shock. "You did _not_ just ask me that,"

"I'm just trying to fill in for our absent brother. If Emmett was here that's what he would say," she shrugged.

"That's one of the reasons I'm having this conversation with you rather than Emmett. I did wink at her though," he admitted.

"How scandalous. A wink? In public? You might have scared her off with your forwardness,"

Alice was making fun of him but he smiled along with her. It was a relief to let out some of the anxiety he always carried around. The yellow school bus pulled up behind the Volvo and the driver began to beep.

"Get out of my car Alice. We're holding up traffic," he told her good-naturedly.

She hopped out of the car. "Bye Edward! Don't be a coward today," She held her jacket over her head and ran towards the building. He watched her run. Her black canvas book bag flapped against her small body and she wore purple tights and black lacy skirt. He noticed several students, dressed in khakis and pastel tee shirts, looking at her strangely. Most people couldn't appreciate Alice's quirkiness. Edward had been far too involved in his own problems lately and made a promise to himself to make more of an effort with his little sister. Maybe he'd take her shopping this weekend.

The bus driver blew the horn at him again. Edward accelerated out of the spot and continued his journey into the city.

He spent the whole train ride mentally preparing himself for seeing her again. It was his nature to be methodical. How could he be friendly without coming on too strong? Would a casual greeting be best? Or should he just go up and introduce himself. As much as he liked to believe that she was interested in him too, he was still petrified of coming off as a deranged stalker.

"_Just say good morning," _he told himself, _"And see where it goes from there,"_

But what if she just replied and kept walking? That wouldn't be enough for him. He had snagged one of the seats with a table in front of it today and slammed his fists onto it in frustration. The lady sitting across from him got up and moved seats. She had lipstick on her teeth. He was too wound up to be embarrassed. It's not like he cared about what these corporate suits thought of him anyway.

He did notice that she stayed well clear of him when they got off the train. Oh well.

He took a deep breath and inhaled several noxious train fumes. He did his best to block out the smells and noises and crowds that always unsettled him in the station and began his new routine of searching for the girl.

She was usually somewhere around the turnstiles, looking relaxed and casual and beautiful in comparison to the weary, stressed commuters that passed her by without a second glance. They must be blind. How could anybody _not_ notice her?

That morning however, she was walking swiftly towards the side exit of the station. She clearly had somewhere to be.

"_Of course she does, it's not like her morning revolves around me," _Edward berated himself.

She usually kept her head down but today he could see her looking around. Her expressive brown eyes were darting in all directions and hope swelled in his chest when Edward realised she might be looking for him.

She was too far away to speak to or even smile at really. So when he knew that she saw him, he raised his hand in kind of a half wave. She looked shocked, then fluttered her fingers back at him shyly before going on her way.

This evening, he decided. This evening he would speak to her. Neither of them would be in such a hurry as far as he could tell. He would at least hear her voice or even learn her name.

That sense of anticipation kept him sane through another monotonous day.

He was just washing his hands and getting ready to leave the lab that evening when his boss called him aside.

"Yes, Dr Castillo?" asked Edward.

"How many times do I have to tell you to call me Eleazar. Aren't our families old friends?" He spoke in a kindly manner, still with traces of a Spanish accent still coming through. The mention of their families just reminded Edward that nepotism was probably the only reason he had this job.

"Sorry," he muttered.

"My girls were asking for you again," continued the doctor. "Tanya especially. She said something about meeting up the next time she's in town,"

Edward smiled politely. The sisters were nice enough but he had no intention of spending any time alone with them.

"But I digress. You've really done your father proud since you started working here. Your work is exemplary,"

"Thank you sir," Edward looked at his watch. Must he be so long winded?

"Carlisle mentioned something about college applications on the golf course over the weekend. I'll be more than happy to write you a glowing recommendation letter. Have you given any thought to what schools you will be applying to?"

"I'm keeping my options open," he replied vaguely. In truth he didn't have the slightest clue of where he would apply to or even what he wanted to do. Medicine was still the expected path for him and he didn't have the energy to disagree. A research job like this wouldn't be so bad. A few months ago he might have considered music more seriously but he hadn't tried to play in a while.

"I really have to go or I'll miss the train. Thanks again…Eleazar," Edward headed out the door before the well-meaning doctor could detain him any longer. He was already behind schedule and there were far more important things on his mind right then. Like maintaining the courage to talk to the girl.

He kept a brisk pace on his walk to the station. He was later than usual and people kept getting in his way. It seemed everyone was suddenly dawdling along the sidewalk. Surely it was common courtesy to step to the side when a person stops to tie their shoe? Evidently it wasn't for the people Edward encountered.

He made it back to the station in record time, taking the steps out front two at a time. Inside, he craned his neck in order to locate her in the crowds. He had that feeling in his stomach - the one girls would describe as butterflies while they waited for a date. Butterflies were far to delicate to account for what he was feeling. Moths were a better representation. Angry, noisy brown moths, with flapping wings that were beating a path up his oesophagus.

Eventually he spotted her sitting calmly on a wooden bench, untouched by the chaos around her. She was reading a paper back book and a pair of black earbuds were stuck in her ears. What was she listening to? What was she reading? He wanted to know very badly.

Her bag was beside her on the seat. When she glanced up and saw him walking towards her, she moved it over. It was like an invitation to sit and he was glad to accept it.

Edward sat down and she didn't look at him. He was even more nervous now, unsure of how to proceed. He knew he looked tense and closed off sitting hunched over with his elbows resting on his knees but he didn't know how to relax. She kept on reading her book. He couldn't figure out if she was ignoring him or if she was waiting for him to speak.

What if he spoke and she didn't hear him over the music. He couldn't very well wave his hands in front of her face to get her attention.

He caught her looking from the corner of her eye and he smiled and nodded slightly. She immediately averted her gaze back to her book. Who knew this would be so hard? His bravado from this morning had disappeared off the face of the earth.

He glanced down at the bench. Below the garish ad for a mortgage providers someone had scrawled graffiti in thick red permanent marker - 'Sharon luvs Cal 4eva' and 'Conor sux dick'. The bad spelling irritated him more than the crassness of the messages.

His gaze travelled over to her open bag. Really it was foolish to leave herself open to thieves like that. Train stations were notorious for pickpockets. It turned out to be quite convenient for Edward and he couldn't resist a peek inside. There was a sheet of paper strewn at the top, a schedule of some sort, with the name Bella Swan printed neatly at the top.

Result. He could finally put a name to the face and what an apt name it was. He repeated it in his head and he really wanted to say it out loud. That would probably freak her out and Alice's earlier concerns about stalking echoed in his mind.

Sitting in such close proximity allowed him to notice so much more about her. The way she glanced at him when she thought he couldn't tell. The exact rosy shade of her lips. The way her sweater clung to her curves.

She was blushing _again_ and he felt like a naughty schoolboy that had been caught staring.

The distance between them was too great. He wanted to bridge it but he didn't know how. He was aware of every minute movement she made. He wondered if she could hear the sound of his heart pounding above all the other noise. He opened his mouth to speak but the words just weren't there. And she -no not she- Bella sat there patiently and waited. She wasn't pushy, she wouldn't force him to talk if he didn't want to. He gathered that she was shy. He liked that.

Bella's gaze kept flickering in his direction. Not one page of her book was turned while he sat there.

He tried and failed again to think of something clever or witty to say. He played with his fingernails and tried to make sense of the fact that every nerve ending in his body was hyper aware of the girl sitting less than a foot away from him. It was a near certainty that his voice would crack if he spoke.

Then the crackly PA system announced that his train would be leaving shortly. It was his escape route. So he stood up again. He ran away and got on the stupid train that would bring him away from this stupid place. That seemed to be becoming a habit for him.

As he walked away he saw Bella's face fall, either in disappointment or rejection, and he hated that he was the likely cause of that look. He hated that he was a coward who couldn't even introduce himself to the first girl to ever catch his eye.

He looked out the window and she hadn't moved an inch. She looked at him, questioning with her eyes. He had no explanation.

Through the cloudy glass, he mouthed the word 'Sorry' at Bella. She nodded and gave him an understanding smile as the train began to move down the tracks. As soon as he was out of her line of sight, he slumped forward and buried his face in his arms which were folded on the cool plastic table top in front of him. He didn't want the other passengers to think he was a mental patent again, so he resisted the urge to bang his his head against the table.

-

Bella wasn't angry. She was just slightly confused. She hadn't expected someone like him, handsome and clearly rich, to be shy in anyway. She knew when he mouthed that lone word at her that he meant it. She would just have to take a different approach tomorrow. Call it instincts, call it clutching at straws, she felt deep down that this bizarre beautiful boy would be worth it. What had she to lose?

-

Alice was waiting like a puppy ready to pounce when Edward returned home that evening. He was still mentally beating himself up. He had drove around for a while after he got off the train, contemplating his own patheticness. It was late and she must have thought things had gone well with his mystery crush. He never ordinarily deviated from his schedule.

"Well?" she asked.

He shook his head. "I choked Alice," Did she really expect anything different?

She reached out her hand to touch his shoulder. He brushed right past her, ignoring the comforting gesture.

He didn't eat dinner with his family that night. He went straight to his room and put his pillow over his head to drown out the murmur of concerned voices that drifted up the stairs.

Alice came to check on him. He wouldn't answer the door.

Esme came to check on him. He pretended to be asleep.

Shouldn't he be more mature than this? Braver or stronger or more capable. He had a good life, a family that loved him and all the worldly possessions he could ever want. He had no real traumatic experiences or mental issues to mess him up. Just a few hiccups that should he should never have let get to him. Yet he couldn't deal with everyday occurrences. He had hollowed out a nice rut for himself. He was in so deep that he didn't know how to get out of it if he wanted to.

Somewhere along the line he had become consumed with self-doubt and loathing until he had practically vacated himself. There were times, like chatting with Alice this morning, where flickers of the old Edward returned. But they never lasted long enough and he always fell back into that black hole.

Eventually he did fall asleep. His dreams took on a new calibre, full of wet kisses and blushing skin and soft flesh. Moans and sighs and the sensation of running his fingers through silky brown hair. Those dreams took him by surprise and he liked them more than he probably should have. They made him wake with a start and he had to take a cold shower before his morning run. They cemented his determination to talk to her the next time he saw her.

* * *

Thanks again for all the feedback. I don't think I managed to get back to everybody but I do appreciate it. That was a little 'one step forward, two steps back' but it's all progress. Please review!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Four**

_Where is he? _Bella made her way through the morning rush in the train station feeling slightly impatient. Even though she needed to get to the library early in order to grab the books she required before they were all checked out, there was no way she was leaving before she got the chance to see _him_ - the boy she had been obsessing about for the past eight days.

She thought back to when he sat beside her the previous evening. Despite the fact that she had just endured the most unpleasant day, her search for a job remained fruitless and she struggled to complete her latest assignment, she still rejoiced at the sight of him. The wink he had thrown her last week had given her hope. It wasn't her nature to be forward and she imagined that her silent invitation to sit beside her was enough to spur him into conversation.

She had kept her earbuds in but turned the volume off. She kept the book in her lap.

They were her shield. For all she knew, he amused himself by sending random girls into a tizzy by a mere wink. He could have a girlfriend waiting in a big white house in the suburbs. She didn't want to push it and waited for him to make a move.

Anticipation for this moment had been building within her for days and when it came, she didn't know what to do. There was unbearable tension and smouldering looks. She could feel his eyes on her and she couldn't resist getting a better look at him. Close up, he was even more striking and she was almost overwhelmed by his presence. Two different urges were tearing Bella apart.

She wanted to reach out and touch him. She wanted to run away.

She did nothing and neither did he. Eventually he walked away and got on his train and left her behind. It would be a lie to say that the sting of rejection did not bother her. She tried to console herself with the fact that sitting close to him was the still the highlight of her day but really, that was nothing to boast about.

She remained in her seat, watching him walk away, while crowds of people milled passed her. She watched him board the train. He looked at her once again and the rest of the world fell away. Through the cloudy window, she experienced a moment of clarity.

Before her eyes, the tense intimidating stranger was transformed into a vulnerable boy. He mouthed a single word at her -sorry- and she knew he meant it. It was clear by his expression and the look in his eyes. She didn't know why he was apologising.

Because he wasn't enough? He chickened out or had a reason not to speak to her.

Because she wasn't enough and he felt bad for leading her on. She felt confused but not angry. He didn't owe her anything. She would take what she could get.

There was nothing Bella liked more than unravelling mysteries. She wanted to know more, to know everything, about him.

She had become totally engrossed in thinking about the previous days encounter. She forgot to pay attention to her surroundings. She didn't see the large man barrelling in her direction until it was too late. She tried to move out of his way but it was no use. He slammed into her side, knocking her bag off her shoulder and spilling it's contents across the tiles. The ignoramus tutted at her like it was her fault and then kept walking without so much as an apology.

Shocked, she dropped to her knees to try recover her possessions. Quite a few people stared but they simply stepped around her. No one offered to help. Angry red splotches covered her pale skin, a sign of embarrassment and frustration. She grabbed the money that fell first, she couldn't afford to lose that. Two loose tampons rolled away. She would leave those on the ground. She kept her head down, letting her hair hide her face as she grappled for her belongings.

She reached out to grab some loose papers that were blowing away. Twenty crisp-white, double spaced copies of her resumé were about to get trampled. At thirty cent a page for the good quality paper, there was no way she was going to let that happen. She scrambled forward to retrieve them but they blew just out of her grasp. Flustered, she tried again but someone else got there first.

_Him. _The boy she was waiting for had gathered her papers into a neat pile and started on picking up the rest if her scattered belongings.

_Oh God, _she prayed, _please don't let him pick up the tampons._

Bella straightened from her awkward crouch and noticed a throb in her elbow. Absentmindedly she rubbed her arm, realising the force of the impact would most likely leave a bruise on her pale skin. She was kind of stunned from her embarrassing accident and her mind was completely blank. The pain hit her in a delayed reaction.

He was standing up and placing items into her backpack, which he then thrust towards her.

"Here," he said when she made no move to take it from him. She was too entranced by the fact that he was talking to her and looking at her and not running away.

"I think I got everything. Some woman nearly spiked her heel into my hand when I tried to pick up your hairbrush…." He cleared his throat and continued, gesturing to a mangled lump of plastic at the top of the pile. "I think your cd player is a lost cause though. Guess it's kind of an obsolete technology anyway but the rest is fine."

Coming to her senses and fighting embarrassment she accepted the bag from him.

"Thanks," she muttered, careful not to touch his hands when she took it. But she couldn't help look at them. Smooth and pale with long fingers and clean, trimmed nails. A single freckle near his left thumb and perhaps some faint scarring on two of his knuckles. She imagined it came from him climbing a tree as a child and the idea brought a smile to her lips.

She held the bag in front of her stomach, wrapping her arms around it.

"My name is Edward Cullen. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to introduce myself last week," His voice was clear and low, yet she had no trouble hearing him over the din swirling around them. She could now put a name to the face and what a perfect name it was.

"Isabella Swan," she replied, her voice sounding high and alien to her ears. "Well just Bella. I don't know why I said Isabella. It's too fancy. No-one calls me that. Well my mother used to when she got angry. But she rarely got angry. And my Grandma Swan did. But she's dead now. So ya, I'm just plain old Bella…."

She hazarded a glance at his face and realised her babbling amused him. But for a change it seemed like he wasn't laughing _at _her. There was a peace in his smile that suggested otherwise.

He was shaking his head. "Not plain at all," he murmured, mostly to himself.

But she heard and her racing heart soared.

Her right arm ached when she stretched it. It would definitely be a bad bruise.

Edward noticed her wince and his eyebrows furrowed. "Are you hurt? I saw the way that…pig slammed into you. Maybe you should have it looked at. Your shoulder or elbow could be dislocated,"

"No!" she protested, though touched at his un-needed concern. "I can tell it's only a bruise. It just hurts when I move my arm,"

She was cradling her bag in front of her body. Without a word, Edward reached forward and slowly closed the zip. Carefully, he took it back from her and slipped it up her arms and on to her shoulders, walking around her trembling body to do so. She bit her lip while he adjusted it to sit comfortably on her back. He swept her hair to the side so it wouldn't tangle in the strap. His fingers grazed her neck and bolt of pure electricity shot through her.

The thoughtfulness and familiarity of the action nearly floored her for the second time that morning. She knew that logically, that she should be shocked that this bizarre, kind stranger had noticed someone like her. But the real origin of her shock was much different. She was astounded that the intimacy of the gesture, the sudden invasion of her personal space felt so comfortable that she ached with loss a little when he stepped back.

"Um, thanks," she uttered again. It seemed that was the only coherent thing she could say to him.

"Really, it's no problem," he replied too quickly as if anxious to make a good impression.

She turned to face him, needing to prolong this exchange. She looked at him, really looked him in the eyes for the first time and wondered again why someone so remarkable would stop for her.

There was a fleck of grey in the iris of his left eye. It contrasted with the deep green that shone there and the little flaw made him all the more perfect to her.

For a long moment she looked at him and he looked at her. They were drinking each other in unashamedly as if officially meeting made it more acceptable. Getting lost in one another as the crowd swept along and they stood still.

Perhaps she should have been racking her brain for something to say but looking at him, now that she knew her infatuation couldn't be one-sided, and having him look back like he liked what he saw was too far too distracting.

Nearby a train rolled along the tracks into the station and the clatter brought them both out of their haze.

Edward took another step back so that he was standing at a more appropriate distance from a girl he just met although his natural instinct was too wrap his arms around her. Strange.

Once the connection was broken, Bella glanced at the clock that hung over the main door. "Damn!" she exclaimed. There was no way she'd be early for library opening now.

"I guess you have somewhere you need to be," Edward asked her.

She thought he sounded a bit regretful. She must have been making him late for work.

"Yeah, I suppose I do," she replied, still not making a move to walk away.

He let out a small sigh. "I better not keep you then."

Neither of them moved.

"Maybe I'll see you around this evening?" he continued.

He phrased it like a question but Bella heard it as a promise.

"Sure," she nodded eagerly.

"Good," He broke into a relieved smile.

It was infectious and she beamed back at him.

He turned to walk away. One of them had too and if she walked out of the station with him she was afraid she'd never be able to leave his side again.

"Bella," he called just to enjoy the luxury of hearing her name from his lips. "It _really _was nice to officially meet you."

He was gone before she had the chance to respond. Her cheeks were tinged pink with delight now as she dashed through the crowd to the side exit.

When she eventually arrived at the college library her suspicions were confirmed. The books she needed as well as the good seats were all gone. She grabbed an older edition of the book that would have to do and made her way to the desks. She had to squeeze past several huffing students to get a spot, hitting one on the head with her bag in the process. She ignored her glare and pulled out her binder which was dusty from the spill.

With no classes today, she had planned to spend the day revising and maybe resuming her job search. After half an hour in the library she still hadn't got any work done but she persevered. She was mourning the loss of her ancient discman already. Though she always kept it carefully concealed, it's shabbiness was embarrassing in comparison to the top of the range ipods seen throughout the library. She sorely missed the way it drowned out the obnoxious voices of her fellow students.

All around her, people carried designer totes and wore high end fashion. They tapped away on tiny Macbooks and futuristic Sony laptops while she got cramps in her wrist scribbling notes with a ballpoint pen.

Since she couldn't concentrate, she decided to go to one of the computer labs to check her emails. Apparently she won the Nigerian lottery and some free Viagra. There was still nothing from Renee or any of the jobs she applied for.

Sighing, she logged out of her profile and returned to her seat. Rather she tried to because when she got back, she saw a back-combed blonde with glossy lips perched in her seat whispering to the girl beside her.

"Excuse me," Bella whispered.

"Yes?" the girl replied, her voice dripping with disdain.

"You're in my seat," Bella told her, hating the commotion this was causing.

The girl glanced at the desk. "What?"

"Forget about it." Bella began to hastily gather her belongings and shove them into her bag again.

Of course she didn't notice her. Nobody ever did.

Except for Edward.

She left the college and made her way over to the city library. On the way, she stopped at a park bench and ate her sandwich. It was a good thing that hadn't fallen in the station.

She arrived at the city library and immediately relaxed. The airy building was more peaceful to her than the tense university reading rooms. The friendly librarians nodded hello to her, she was fast becoming a regular face there. She found a quiet corner and a copy of _A Tale of Two Cities _and began to read.

She became absorbed in the book, scribbled sheets of notes and passed the afternoon. She had a renewed enthusiasm for everything, for work, life and finding a job. And it was all due to the tentative meeting with Edward Cullen that afternoon.

At random intervals, for no reason at all, his face would pop into her mind and she would grow dreamy. Forget about her work and focus on the memory of his face, his voice and the admirable way he looked at her. The concern in his voice and that he sounded like he was looking forward to seeing her again. She wasn't imagining it. For a reason she couldn't fathom the handsome stranger had taken an interest in her. She was fascinated by him, by his harsh yet soft persona and would take every opportunity she could to get to know him better. Even if nothing ever came of it, she would still try.

As the clock ticked on, Bella grew more excited. She went to the bathroom to fix her hair and smooth out her clothes. She gave a habitual glance to the notice board and let to return to the station with ample time to spare.

The evening was fine, warm for late Autumn so she decided to make a change of pace. She sat on the stone steps that led out to the station and waited for Edward to arrive.

She wanted to appear more open this evening. But still felt a little naked alone in public so she kept her book on her lap. Without music, the noise of the commuters was much stronger but still not overwhelming. She loved the buzz of the crowd and the snippets of conversation that floated her way. It made her feel connected to the world, part of a bigger picture. Watching the cross-section of society that passed through here every day was interesting to her. Made her feel like there was more to life than the current low patch she was experiencing.

The cold stone made goose pimples appear through the worn denim of her jeans. Or maybe it was just anticipation at seeing Edward again. She loved the luxury of thinking his name. Of planning on saying '_Hello Edward. How was your day?"_

Of hearing whatever he got up to and if he would even maybe have the same interest in what she did.

She was never one for small talk. Therefore she was slightly apprehensive of what conversation she would be able to make when she saw him. Bella didn't know how to talk to boys. Well, she often felt like she didn't know how to talk to _anyone _but the male species was a definite mystery to her. An only child, raised by a single mother whose constant parade of new boyfriends only served to make her uncomfortable around the opposite sex. She never sparked any interest in high school boys and literally ran from the few who had approached her. Her father was a man of few words.

But she didn't feel any of her normal reactions when she was close to him that morning. She wanted to reach out and touch him and hear everything he had to say and maybe even tell him about herself.

So anticipation trumped anxiety as she waited on the steps for Edward Cullen.

She saw him before he saw her. His unusual hair stood out among the dense crowd as he climbed the steps, long legs making it easy to take them two at a time. He was definitely rushing. In fact, he almost ran right by her.

"Hey!" she called out in surprise. "Where's the fire?"

It was a silly thing to say but she was not going to let another opportunity pass her by.

He came to a sudden stop and looked down at her. His cheeks were slightly flushed and they lifted into a smile when he saw who was calling him.

"Bella! Hey," he replied. "I didn't see you there,"

She had to look up and squint to see him. He was standing directly in front of the setting sun and it was making flashes of bronze glint in his hair.

"How could you see anyone with the way you were rushing?" she teased. "I'm lucky I didn't get trampled,"

He gave no reason as to why he was hurrying. It mustn't have been for the train because he made no attempt to move.

"Aren't you cold sitting on the steps?" he asked.

"No," She shook her head. "It's such a fine evening. Why not make the most of the sun before it disappears completely for the winter?"

He glanced behind him, as if noticing the brightness for the first time.

"I suppose you're right."

The awkward way they were positioned made it difficult to hold on conversation. He was standing over her and she was perched on the ground, using her hand to protect her eyes from the glare.

Slowly, without looking at her, Edward pulled off his woollen coat and placed it on the ground, the lining side down. Then he lowered himself onto the step beside her. His long legs stretched down along four or five steps. Bella had her knees raised and pressed against her chest. Once he was seated as comfortably as was possible he looked at her and smiled again and she felt a familiar blush creep up her neck.

She could feel the heat radiating off his body and there was a slight sheen of sweat above his upper lip. He smelt warm and soapy, like a steamy bathroom after a bubble bath. It made her think he could make her feel warm and clean too.

"Good book?" he asked conversationally, gesturing to the open paperback on her lap.

She shrugged. "It's interesting. I _think _I like it but I haven't decided whether or not I think it's good yet,"

"The fact that you think it's interesting is an indicator that it is good. There are dozens of books where I detest the protagonists and don't know how to react to the plot line. But the fact that they can capture your attention and make you feel _something,_ even anger or disdain, makes a book good. Don't you agree?" he questioned.

It was the most she had ever heard him say and his astuteness astounded her. All throughout her life, some of the strongest emotions evoked in Bella were through the written word. It may be a sign of a sheltered life but she couldn't argue with his logic.

"I do , in theory at least," she told him. "I've been living vicariously through fictional characters since I was old enough to read alone. But if something makes me angry or disgusted how can I agree that it's good?"

"How do you know the writer didn't want you to feel angry or disgusted?" he countered.

"I don't," she admitted.

"Can I guess that you ordinarily read romances?" he asked.

She was growing animated. She shifted her body to face his and couldn't hide her irritation at his assumption.

"You can guess whatever you like," she fumed. "It doesn't change a thing. There's nothing wrong with wanting to read something that makes you happy and allows you to lose yourself in a better world for a little while."

His features softened and he looked at her speculatively.

"Of course there isn't. Don't we all want that?" He sighed and looked around him. "I'm just not one to dismiss the value of something that isn't light and pretty. The world of pain and imperfections. Why should novels be any different?"

"Maybe when I read I want an escape from all those pain and imperfections?"

His smile was wistful." I would like that too. But imagine there was a person who lead a somewhat simple, solitary life. And that person was able to experience highs and lows and emotional intensity through books or music or movies or whatever media you choose. Wouldn't you want that person to be able to understand pain and hurt and fear and all the other horrible beautiful things that are part of living?"

He spoke so authoritatively, with simple words in complex tone, that she almost forgot to answer. He was right. Of course he was right. It seemed he was speaking from experience or lack thereof. She wanted to know what formed his opinions and made him feel that way.

"Fair point," she admitted neutrally. She tried not to show how he had rocked her attitude to what she considered to be her favourite books. Maybe she'd been looking at things wrong all along?

His expression was a little smug. "You know I'm right," he stated.

"Well, I know now that you're not just a pretty face."

He leaned closer, his eyes dancing mischievously. "You think I'm pretty?"

She forced herself to look away from his gaze. "I never said pretty was a compliment. Where I come from, pretty-boy is considered an insult,"

"Where _do _you come from?" he asked.

"Washington. California. Arizona." she shrugged. "I've moved around a lot. How about you?"

She preferred to get the topic of conversation off her.

"Right here. I was born in Chicago. Moved to the suburbs when I was a toddler. Lived in the same house almost ever since,"

Neither seemed overly willing to talk about where they came from.

"So you get the train into the city every day?" She had already figured that out but asked anyway.

"Yeah," he exhaled. "Worst part of my day,"

She was shocked. Rendezvous with him at the station were perhaps the best part of her day.

"Really?"

"Or it used to be," he amended. He gave her a knowing look, then looked back down at his fingers.

"You don't like the station?" she wondered.

That wasn't a surprise, considering his usual tense demeanour. Still it was strange to her. She relished the bustle of activity here, where everyone was anonymous and exposed and together all at once.

"I really don't," he confirmed. "But that's a story for another day,"

Though she was intrigued by the possibility of hearing that story the teenage girl inside her, the one that rarely surfaced, was more excited at the implication that she would speak to him another day soon.

"Well, I like it here." she said defiantly.

"Maybe it's not so bad. These steps are preferable to inside anyway,"

He pulled out his phone and looked at her like he wanted to say something else but didn't. Instead he checked the time.

"I better go catch my train," he told her.

"Yeah," she replied, unable to mask the hint of regret in her voice.

Fluidly, he rose to his feet while Bella scrambled to close her jacket and put her book into her bag.

Edward extended his hand to her and Bella took it. He enclosed it around hers, covering it easily. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been in contact with another person like that. Perhaps the awkward one-armed hug Charlie gave her before she left for college.

He had touched her twice in one day and it felt like the most natural thing in the world. That morning, his touch had shocked and thrilled her. This evening, it made her feel safe and warm. With her hand in his, she felt like she could go anywhere as long as he was by her side.

He helped her to her feet. His thumb brushed the inside of her wrist before he let go.

"I really like….talking to you Bella," he told her sincerely.

"Me too," she answered. "Not talking to me. I don't talk to myself. I liked talking with you,"

He laughed and it was the most pleasant sound she'd ever heard.

"That's good," he chuckled. "Very good,"

"Very good indeed," she echoed, laughing at herself.

"Indeed." he repeated.

The conversation was getting ridiculous. They both knew it and they didn't care.

"Goodbye then, Bella," he told her. "See you soon?"

"Seeya Edward," A thrill went through her every time she said his name. She watched him dash off. He really had to run to catch his train and it amused her greatly. She watched until he was out of sight. She left with hope in her heart. The promise of seeing Edward another day was enough to do that to her.

**So sorry for delay with this. Hope people are sticking with it and thanks to everyone who reviewed, sent pm's and looked for it on the twilighted**

**forums. I appreciate all the support for this little experiment I'm doing. Please let me know what you think of this chapter!**


	6. Chapter 6

Edward floated through the rest of the evening on a cloud of Bella. Not a wispy cloud that passed over the sun on a hot day. Not a grey bank of fog and smoke that lingered around the train station. But a thick white cumulus that enveloped him whole.

When he ate his dinner he wondered if Bella preferred her potatoes mashed or baked.

When he chose a book to read he wondered what she would think of it. He picked a cd by a female singer with a delicate breathy voice to listen to while he read. He imagined it would be what her singing voice would sound like. He cursed himself for not checking what was in her mangled cd player before he returned it to her. It would have been nice to know.

He saw her face in the mirror and in the distorted reflection on his cereal spoon.

Her kindly smile reminded him to be polite to Esme and ask about her latest project.

Her optimism made him feel hope when a weary Carlisle told him about a terminal patient he was treating at work.

He heard her voice when Alice chattered about the blasted yearbook and his sister wasn't quite as overbearing as usual. She beamed at him, letting his good mood wash over her and soaking it into her pores. He smiled back, nodding at appropriate intervals, before reminding her to concentrate on her homework. He wondered if Alice knew that the happiness he was raining down on them was a result of the Bella cloud.

When he went for his morning jog her name thumped and reverberated on the sidewalk in rhythm with his steps. _Bel-la Bel-la. _It was a song.

He was obsessed. He knew it. And he was loving every minute of it.

After another tediously unpleasant train journey Edward was back in the city. The station, his least favourite place, was fast becoming the setting of the best part of his day.

He caught sight of her by the turnstiles. She was fiddling with the zip on her jacket. She stood on the tips of her toes, her eyes searching through the crowds. As soon as Bella saw him, she rested back on her heels. Her attempts to appear nonchalant amused him. Her suppressed grin was a sign she was as eager as him.

"Good morning Bella," he said, when he reached her side.

" Mornin' Edward," she replied, still toying with the metal zip between her fingertips. It was leaving red indents on the pad of her thumb and he wanted to reach out and stop her from hurting herself, even so minutely. But her zip rested just above the swell of her chest and he didn't want to touch her inappropriately. Yet.

"How are you today?" he asked, hoping that the inflection of his words pushed his question further than a casual greeting.

"I'm good thanks, Edward," she nodded. "And you?"

"Great," he answered. Great? Could he not have thought of a better way to phrase it?

He fell into step beside her with amazing ease. It just felt comfortable, walking close and weaving through the crowds, but never quite touching. He was happy to walk beside her. Bella was happy to follow his lead.

They didn't say much else, only snuck sidelong glances and coy smiles at each other.

It was his habit to never loiter too long in the station proper but he didn't mind the stone steps outside. They weren't quite as claustrophobic. They reached the twelfth step, the same one they had sat on the previous day, and stopped altogether. Edward removed his jacket and laid it out on the ground. He sat down on it and Bella sat on the step beside him. He shook his head and patted the satiny lining.

Grinning, she scooted over towards him and they shared his expensive jacket on the dirty stone steps.

"Y'know this is a nice jacket," she commented, fingering the soft wool cuffs. "You really shouldn't fling it on the ground so carelessly,"

He frowned, then let out a small laugh. She was right, once the dirt of the street got onto it he would never wear it again. But that hadn't even crossed his mind when he tossed it down. He just hadn't wanted her to get cold after he led her outside. But of all the things for her to start conversing about it was that. Unpredictable.

"I guess I shouldn't," he agreed.

"So," she continued, smiling again. "Did you catch your train yesterday evening?"

Edward nodded, not quite able to tell if she was teasing him. "I did. And you…"

He paused for a moment, realising he didn't even know if she actually got the train from here. "…you got where you needed to go?"

"I got home fine," she replied quickly and sighed. "How was your evening?"

He shrugged. "Fine. I did nothing."

"Nothing? The moment you arrived home you became a vegetable and didn't move until it was time for work today. You had to have done _something,"_

Pleased that she even cared enough to press the issue, Edward tried to give her a more expansive answer. As he spoke, he relaxed. Un-tensed his shoulders and leaned back on his palms.

"Let me see….I helped Alice with her homework for a while,"

"Alice?" Bella repeated. She looked a little worried and he liked that. He forgot she didn't know these things about him. She didn't know anything really.

"My little sister," he explained.

"Oh," She was relieved. "That must be nice. What age is she?"

A sheepish chuckle passed his usually morose lips. "She's actually eighteen. But she only comes to my elbow and she came into the family later so she'll always be my little sister in my eyes,"

"That must be nice. I'm an only child," she replied wistfully.

"Siblings aren't all they're cracked up to me, believe me. Alice can barely decide what to wear in the morning yet she wants to run my life. I was an only child 'till I was ten. I miss the peace,"

A frown pulled her eyebrows together. "How old are you? If your sister is eighteen but she came when you were ten…I thought you were around my age…"

"Alice and I, as well as Emmett my brother, were all adopted." he explained, used to doing so. "I was four when I moved in with Carlisle and Esme. The others came when I was ten. And I'm nineteen now, in case you were wondering. Do I really look twenty-eight?"

"I wouldn't care if you were. But for the record you look your age. And I'm nineteen too,"

That pleased Edward. He had worried she was younger than him. Maybe she just seemed innocent.

Bella continued speaking. "You must be a good brother, doing homework when you don't have to,"

"_Helping. _There's a difference. Alice has trouble concentrating, focusing. Her IQ is off the scale but she's too easily distracted. Always has her head in the clouds…."

Alice Brandon was a skinny nine year old with long black pigtails and twitchy eyes when she moved in with the Cullens. Eccentric was the polite term used to describe the child. Crazy was the more frequently used one. Her natural parents wanted a perfect cookie cutter family. They tried to force Alice into the mould. When she didn't bake to their satisfaction, they were the ones who crumbled.

They had christened her Mary. From the age of two, she would answer only to Alice.

To put it simply, _they couldn't cope. _Excuses. They never even tried. A variety of pills didn't raise her to their standards. (She would later tell Edward that she mostly fed them to her dog. Signs by, Cat Brandon was the most content dog in the neighbourhood.) So they shipped her out and she ended up with Carlisle and Esme. It was meant to be temporary but she fit right into the Cullen home. When Esme baked she never used moulds and they would feast on irregular circles and blobs. For her tenth birthday, she requested that her name be changed by deed pole to Alice Cullen and for her sweet sixteen she got her adoption papers.

Dr. Cullen was a responsible father. Yet, it pained him to put her through more tests and consultations and they all were inconclusive. She _could _have a mild form of ADHD. She _might _be obsessive compulsive. She _definitely _was of above average intelligence. In the end, Carlisle took off his white coat, shrugged and told his colleagues that all God's children deserved a place in the choir. He took Alice home, gave her a hug and she never saw another doctor.

Whenever someone commented on her living in her own little world, she would laugh in her Alice-way and reply "Why not? It's a great place to be,"

Edward would wonder about this. If that was her belief, why did she try so hard to fit in?

He recounted this story to Bella. The words flew out of his mouth before he even realised what he was saying. He wanted her to know this, to know him. He felt like she already did.

Or maybe he just had nobody else to talk to.

He talked and talked about his family. Somewhere, the notion that he should have other things to talk about niggled at him. Hobbies or plans or some actual life experience. But what pleasant things could he say about himself? His family were light and fun and interesting. _Unlike me._

Bella, ever the observer, seemed happy to sit and listen. Interested even. Or a very good actor, he wasn't entirely sure. He was used to a world of false smiles and minding your P's and Q's. But there was a different kind of sincerity in her smile.

He talked and Bella would occasionally interrupt to comment or ask a question. He kept forgetting that she didn't know him. It felt like she did.

They talked until the crowds that milled by thinned and dispersed. The noise fell away and all that was left was the low sound of their voices.

During a natural lull in the conversation Bella seemed to realise the time. "Oh!" she exclaimed. "I must keeping you from…"

He hadn't told her about his job, having presumed his clothes would indicate he wasn't a student. If he had, he was certain she would have realised he'd rather be here with her.

"From work," he supplied, with a shake of his head. "But it's not a problem, honestly,"

"Where do you work?"

"Um…the Castillo Foundation. It's a private medical facility, the founder is a family friend. I mostly help out with research, kind of like an internship," He didn't really have anything else to say about it.

"So you're interested in medicine?" she asked.

He shrugged and nodded at once.

"But you're not in college…"

He waved the question away. "Maybe next year. Do you not have class this morning?"

She hadn't directly told him she was in college but the books she carted around were a dead giveaway. That and the fact that he had peaked into her timetable.

"No, not 'till later. I have a math tutorial,"

She might have said she was going to get a tooth pulled, her expression was so grim.

"You don't like math?"

She shook her head.

"I'm good at that kind of thing, I help Alice a lot. Even Emmett e-mail's me sheets if he's feeling lazy. I could help you, if you want,"

Her eyes widened.

"Or not"

"No," she corrected him. "I mean yes. I mean thanks. If I get stuck, that would be great."

Good. Facts and figures, he could handle.

"Do you like college?" he wondered.

She sighed. "I suppose…it's just-"

"Just what?" he prodded.

"Y'know when the idea of something is much better than the actual thing? It's like that. Things don't always work out to plan. I mean, the classes are fine. Interesting even and it's great that there's no-one breathing down your neck about homework and stuff. But the rest,"

She twisted her full lips into an unseemly scowl. How wasteful. Then she smoothed them, so they were smooth and plump. The way he liked them.

"The rest doesn't come so easy to me," she concluded.

"Ya," he understood wholeheartedly. "I know what you mean."

"You do?" Her voice was heavy with skepticism.

Edward did not feel like talking about himself. So he just let his silence be her answer.

"Are you _sure _I won't get you in trouble for being late?" she asked again.

He was caught up in the _you_ and the _I _and the _trouble _of her question. He liked those words together.

So he was smiling when he answered. "I'm dead sure. Besides, on Wednesdays my idiot co-workers bring their McDonalds breakfast into work. I'd rather be here than endure that."

Shit. Maybe telling Bella that her company was preferable to McDonalds was the wrong thing to say? Certainly Alice would be offended….but why did she look surprised rather than angry?

"What's wrong with McMuffins?" she asked, almost petulantly.

"Oh it's just not McMuffins," he said, wrinkling his nose. "They bring the whole big breakfast menu. Muffins, pancakes, even concoctions of steak and chicken! It looks so greasy and salty. And the smell."

He shuddered. Bella's surprise turned to bemusement.

"You're kind of missing the point, Edward," she said, as if addressing an imbecile. "Obviously, it's processed junk that looks like plastic. But you look past that to enjoy the tasty goodness. And the grease and salt? That what's makes it yummy."

God, she looked so cute when she said yummy.

"I still think it looks vile," he sniffed.

"Looks?" Her eyebrows shot up. "Looks! Have you ever even tasted it?"

He flicked a speck of lint off his trousers.

"You really haven't lived then," she finished, incredulously.

Maybe she was right.

"I've eaten McDonalds," he defended. Emmett used to bring fries home after Saturday night dates. And they would go there for ice-cream after Little League games. "Just not for breakfast. Esme, my mother, is big on cooking breakfast. She puts out a big spread every morning and would never tolerate us eating that kind of stuff. She sacrificed a lot for us. So she's determined to do it right."

"That sounds nice," Bella remarked, almost wistfully. "My mother Renée was always scattered. We did well to get to school on time, let alone to get a cooked breakfast, not that she's much of a cook. When I lived with her we survived on McDonalds, Krispy Kreme, whatever."

"Doughnuts for breakfast? Sounds healthy." he commented.

"Yeah, nothing like coffee and doughnuts to get you going in the morning," she answered.

"What kind of coffee?" Edward asked on impulse. Just because.

"Regular. No complicated cappuccinos for us." she stated.

Us. Bella and her mother.

"You miss her," It wasn't a question.

"Not as much now. She's busy, I'm here. People grow apart," she replied.

A beat.

"Do you miss your birth parents?" she asked in a small voice.

"I was very young when they died. My memories are hazy…."

She just looked at him.

"Yeah I do. Especially my mom." he admitted. She might have brought him to McDonalds for breakfast.

He began to feel the chill of the ground through his coat. Bella shuffled closer so her shoulder and arm were pressed against his and he felt a little warmer.

**Ok. I know I didn't update in forever. Then I post that. I do apologise for the delay and I do have valid excuses but I won't force them on you. The gap won't happen again, by putting up that short chapter I can promise more revealing things to come.**

**Oh and Limona and withthevampsofcourse are organsising a Twilight awards thing. It's awesome . The Eddies are srs bsns and want to recognise the talented writers out there. The Bellies are more fun and have cool categories like 'best making out' and 'best use of Newton'**

**Nominations close tonight and the link is on my profile. Go show some love for your favourite stories.**

**And drop a review here if you haven't lost interest in the story.  
**


	7. Chapter 7

_AN- Just want to apologise for the delay in posting this. I do my best and I understand that it's difficult to retain interest in a fic when there are such gaps. _

_I'd also like to mention that it's clear to me their have been some questions raised and people want answers. All I can say is that as Bella and Edward reveal them to each other, we will see them here. I'm not trying to build it up to anything anticlimactic. An event that one person might breeze through can have negative effects on anothere and sometimes people don't even realise they are even acting out of the ordinary.  
_

_I want to say thanks again to everyone who's been supportive of this fic. It means the world to me. _

_Last time we left E/B on the steps after their second real conversation. They talked about family and college and work and McDonalds._

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_

It was with great reluctance that Edward finally forced himself to walk away from the station and Bella. The crowds had dispersed and he felt surprisingly exposed without the throngs of dreaded commuters acting as a buffer. A tall custodian, who looked young and awkward in his body, gave them a funny look when he emptied a nearby trash can.

Bella had seemed interested in what he had to say. She leaned in towards him as their conversation progressed. She laughed at his joke and he joined in - mostly because it wasn't even that funny.

But he did notice her eyes flicker towards the grand clock over the door as the little hand crept towards ten o clock. Maybe his description, complete with personal commentary, of that movie he watched last weekend wasn't as fascinating as he had hoped. Better to cut his losses before she realised just how banal he actually he was. Just because no-one would miss him if he didn't go to work today didn't mean she didn't have places to be.

So he made himself make some excuses and a thinly veiled promise to meet that evening, and headed off to work. He wondered, as he walked through shadowed streets, if her expression as they parted was as disappointed as it seemed. He had to remind himself not to read too much into every little situation. Over-reaction led to trouble and the last thing he wanted to do was scare away the best thing to come into his life in ages.

Edward swiped his card to allow him entry into his workplace. He always felt the modern technology seemed out of place here. The banks of CCTV equipment and sophisticated security system looked wrong in such an old building. The facility had once been a sanatorium and had quite a large green area surrounding it. The lush lawns and private gardens which had once provided respite to suffering TB patients were now a retreat for a select few medical staff. There was even a complicated hedge maze. The greenery was a rarity in the city and one which Edward took full advantage of. He could hide behind tall ivy-covered walls and feel like he was nowhere at all.

He had the misfortune to run into Mike Newton in the locker room. He smiled slightly at the fact that Newton had unintentionally been a sort of catalyst in furthering the conversation between himself and Bella. Regrettably, Mike picked up on that smile and took it as a sign of cordiality.

He walked with Edward to elevator and prattled about something unimportant. Did he really expect him to care about how many goals Chicago Fire lost by? He finished his account as the elevator doors pinged shut but it took Edward a beat too long to respond. His fake laugh sounded awkward and Mike just shuffled and looked at his feet.

As they jerkily ascended in the old elevator, Edward couldn't help but wonder about his attitude towards his co-workers. Perhaps Newton wasn't all that bad. Maybe Edward was the one with the problem; the one who couldn't relax and take a joke and make small talk about sport. He thought about this for a few moments and wondered how to go about improving himself. Then he remembered that regardless of his own shortcomings, Newton was an ass who smelled like grease and he was definitely superior to that.

He went into his makeshift office and threw himself into his assigned project with gusto under the pretense of making up for lost time. His task was to sift through several medical journals, in both electronic and in paper format, and highlight the ones relative to the foundations latest undertaking. He had the entire day to complete the assignment and despite taking two breaks, spending several minutes thinking about Bella and playing one game of online poker he was still finished by lunchtime.

Edward skimmed through some articles until he found one that caught his eye. It was a research paper on learned behaviour and instinctual reactions and it sent the wheels on his head spinning. When he was finished that, he found a whole journal devoted to genetics and spent the remainder of his day clicking and reading and thinking.

"How are we getting on?" The rumbling voice of his boss interrupted him from his reverie.

Why would a person use the word _we _in reference to the work of a single person? Either an irritating habit or a foible of having English as a second language. Edward couldn't be sure.

"All done," replied Edward, with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. He gestured to a neatly stacked pile of pages. "I already forwarded the links to your email."

This pleased his boss. "Excellent. This is most helpful."

Edward wondered why he always acted so grateful when he was already paying him generously.

"No problem." he answered in an attempt to bring the conversation to a close.

Eleazar didn't take the hint. "What are you reading?" he asked.

"Nothing much," he replied as the doctor read over his shoulder.

"You find this interesting?" asked Eleazar.

Edward shrugged. "I guess. It makes you think about how much we are responsible for our actions. Whether things are innate or learned. I mean, look-" he pointed at the screen. "So many disorders are classed as hereditary and so many more are avoidable. There's so many possibilities…"

He trailed off.

Eleazar was nodding sagely. "Nature versus nurture. It's an age-old debate. I'm not surprised a mind young mind like yours would be interested in such issues. See, this is why you should be in a classroom and not this dusty office."

Edward was silent for a moment before he brushed off the last statement. "I've always had an inquiring mind." he joked, wondering where he got it from.

"I remember your father bringing you to work when you were no taller than the table. You almost dismantled an cardiac monitor trying to figure out how it worked," The lines around Eleazar's olive skin crinkled as he spoke.

To Edward, the nice memory seemed a million years ago. "Did you ever meet my birth parents?" he asked.

If he was taken aback, the doctor didn't show it. "No though I am sure they were lovely people. I heard about the tragedy but I didn't become close with Carlisle until I adopted my girls. Why do you ask?"

"No reason," Edward was already gathering his belongings and shutting down his computer.

"It's natural to be curious, Edward. I'm sure if you ask your father he'll tell you anything he can."

"It's no big deal. Please don't mention I said anything." he said. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Edward rushed out the door just as Eleazar called goodbye. His haste partly stemmed from a desire to end the conversation and get out of the dreary office. It also came from a blind longing to see Bella again.

His strides were fast as he made his way to the station. He was deathly afraid of coming off as over-eager but too excited to hold himself back.

He saw Bella before she saw him. She had her back to him as she stood by the largely unused row of payphones. Everyone knows millions of bacteria live on those receivers. The thought made him shudder and he was fascinated by the relaxed way Bella held the phone.

She cradled it between her ear and her shoulder, smearing nasty germs onto her face in the process. With her hands free, she tied her long hair into a ponytail. Edward was surprised at just how much he liked to see that sliver of bare skin exposed on her neck.

As he approached he was torn between his duty to be polite and his desire to know who she was talking to. His polite side won by a narrow margin but he could tell by her tone and expression that Bella was receiving good news of some sort.

"That's no problem at all," she was saying. "I've already adjusted my schedule and I can forward you my bank and social security details."

She nodded while she listened to a response. "Thanks again," she replied. "I promise you won't regret this."

She hung up the receiver and spun around. A radiant smile lit up her face.

"Good news?" Edward asked her.

"Yes," she answered. "I finally got a job. I feel like I've been looking forever so this is such a relief."

"Well congrats then," he told her. "What kind of job did you get?"

"I'll be working in a restaurant and the lady who runs it seems really nice." she said.

"Waitressing?" he asked.

Bella shook her head.

"Hostess?"

She shook her head again. "Um…no. I'll be doing some prep work, washing dishes. Just general stuff."

"Really?" Edward did a poor job of masking the surprise on his face. It wasn't really a typical choice for a college student.

"See this is actually better paid than waitressing though I will be missing out on tips. It suits me better. I mean, I'm totally uncoordinated and not so good with people so behind the scenes suits me better. And this allows more flexibility so school. And um…I'll still have evenings free."

Edward could have kicked himself for the way he clearly made her feel like he had to explain herself. It was obvious she needed the money and that was the only job she could get. There were times, like this one, where he really disliked his privileged background. Money had never been an issue to him. Between his inheritance from his birth parents and the Cullen's money he was much more than comfortably well off. Carlisle and Esme had made him to chores when he was younger to make him learn the value of a dollar and he knew he was earning a decent wage. But nothing changed for Edward when he started working. He still had a shiny credit card that he used whenever he felt like and the bill was debited each month from his sizeable bank account.

Looking at Bella, he noticed for the first time just how worn her jeans looked and he felt more than a little guilty.

"Hey," he said softly. "You don't have to explain yourself to me. I really am pleased for you."

"Thanks." she answered and ducked her head.

"Will the job interfere with your classes?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Not really. I had to re-schedule a couple. But they are general classes that they run twice a day so it's no big deal. I'll mostly be working mornings and weekends which is good because sometimes I find the weekend kind of drags."

"I know what you mean," he answered.

Once he was finished chastising himself Edward began to be selfish again and wonder about the ramifications of Bella's new schedule. Would this out an end to their meetings?

He didn't expect her to rifle in her backpack and pull out a small diary.

"Look," she said, thrusting the open front cover at him. "I'm gonna be pretty busy."

He read over the glimpse she was offering him into her life with fascination. Her timetable was laid out in front of him - highlighted in yellow and handwritten in a loopy scrawl. He got the message loud and clear. She was sharing with him the times when she would be free to meet. He memorised the empty boxes, knowing they signified what would undoubtedly be the high point of his day and was pleased to find that while their morning sightings would be mostly eliminated her evenings were largely uninterrupted.

He did wonder why there were no social activities, a college society even, listed on her little schedule. But since he had little or no social life himself he knew better than to judge. He was also feeling a little smug as he considered that she might have purposely organised it that way. He knew that's what he would have done had he been in her shoes.

Edward ran his finger up and down the columns on the page and Bella watched his hands.

"So," he said. "Does this mean I won't be seeing you in the mornings anymore?"

Bella had tried to be subtle and looked a tad surprised at his bluntness.

"I guess not," she answered. "I'll still have one morning off a week. And tomorrow. I'll be here tomorrow."

"Good." nodded Edward.

"I can still be around in the evenings too. If you want, that is."

"I don't want to interfere with your real life," he told her and noticed her face fall a little. "But yes, I would like that very much."

"So how was your day?" Bella asked, now visibly relaxed.

"Fine." Edward replied. "Nothing special. And yours?"

"The same." she replied.

Edward realised he was still clutching her diary and handed it back to her. When Bella took it, their fingers brushed and his heart jumped at the contact. He watched her awkwardly shove it back into her bag and spotted a book sticking out.

"Virginia Woolf?" he commented. "Not someone I'm familiar with."

"It's for class," Bella explained. "I'm not all that familiar with it myself."

"What do you think of it?" he asked, leaning against a pillar.

She shrugged. "Feminism isn't really my thing. I don't really know enough about it. I mean, my mom used to pretend she was this strong independent woman but as soon as she met Phil she basically followed him all over the country. And just because I looked after my dad when I lived with him in Forks doesn't make me any weaker. It's kinda hard for me to reconcile what I know with what I learn. But…"

"But?" Edward prompted, thoroughly interested in what she had to say.

"But I do see the importance in having a room of one's own." she finished with a sigh.

Edward didn't really know how to answer that. He was thinking about just how different their backgrounds must have been.

"Maybe I'll borrow it when you're done." he told her.

"It's a library book," she answered and then looked a bit angry at herself.

Edward chuckled. "I think Alice has it at home then. She went through a phase last year where she couldn't get enough of that kind of stuff."

"Your sister's a feminist?"

"Not really. She realised she liked fashion and push-up bras far too much to fit in with that crowd. I think she was just looking for some explanations but she didn't find them."

"It's hard to look," Bella said "when you don't know what you are searching for."

Edward could empathise with that.

"I've felt for a while now that I've wanted something more. The problem is that I don't really know what the _more _is."

As he said this, he looked into Bella's eyes and felt like he was lying. He wondered if she could be what he was looking for.

Bella loosened her shoulders as if she was shaking something heavy off them.

"Before we start quoting U2 lyrics do you want to know what I think?" she asked.

"Absolutely," Edward replied genuinely, flashing her a set of perfect white teeth.

"I think that the path that takes you to where you need to be is where the real experience lies. It's ok to hit a few bumps and make a few mistakes along the way. Maybe the journey is more important."

He considered what she said and realised the truth in her statement. "Maybe you're right, Bella." he answered. "But speaking of journeys - I have a train to catch."

"Already?" she looked at the big clock on the wall.

"Unfortunately." he replied. "But I'll see you in the morning?"

"Where else would I be?" she joked.

"Until then." he said as a good bye and turned and left.

He heard her call a similar farewell after him and he felt her eyes on him all the way to the platform.

His mind drifted as he travelled and he thought about just how much Bella had shaken up his little world since they met. He looked around the carriage and even felt a little sympathy for the people around him for none of them looked any way happy. The overheard snippets of conversation and listened to a grown man beg to hold onto a job. He watched a woman call her babysitter and explain that she would be late to pick her child up. He flicked through the sports section of the paper while the man two seats across poured over a business report. He felt, not for the first time, like a boy among men.

He tried to shake the feeling off as he got in his car, tried to recapture some of the lightness he felt around Bella. He turned up the radio as he drove and tapped his fingers on the steering wheel in time with the music.

Because despite all the other shit that was still wearing him down, he was looking forward to tomorrow and that had to be a good thing.

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_thanks for reading! reviews are most welcome._


	8. Chapter 8

_Thanks again to everyone who reviewed! I truly appreciate whenever anyone takes the time to share their thoughts and it's great to see the same people be consistently supportive reviewers, in whatever way they choose to express their thoughts. Thanks to halo and moonwitche who made me feel loved and lilrose89 for being so sweet. _

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_The slight upswing in Edward's mood didn't escape his family's notice when he joined them for dinner that evening. Esme and Carlisle ordinarily knew better than to push him about such things but they even commented on his change in demeanour. Something about a dark cloud being lifted.

"I didn't realise it was a crime to be positive," he grumbled. "God forbid I _try _to be in a good mood without being at the receiving end of the third degree."

He thought he saw Carlisle roll his eyes at Esme.

"C'mon Edward," Alice piped up. "Could you _be _anymore obvious?"

"Obvious about what?" asked Carlisle.

"Nothing." replied Edward through gritted teeth.

"Edward's got a twinkie in the city," said Alice.

He slunk down in his seat and wondered if his sister knew all the connotations of that word.

"Have you been watching re-runs of _Friends_ again?" he asked, remembering the obnoxious laugh-track blaring from her room last night.

When her expression dropped he knew he was right. Alice had a tendency to drop little phrases she picked up into regular conversation. He was wrong to hope that his barb would distract them from her statement.

"Edward has a girlfriend?" asked Carlisle. "Or a-"

"Edward doesn't have a girlfriend," he cut him off with frustration. "And _if _I did, the dinner table would not be the place to discuss it."

"Edward shouldn't speak about himself in the third person," retorted Alice. "And I'm so sorry for showing an interest in your life. So what, did you choke again?"

"No," he practically growled.

"Ah," Alice clapped her little hands in glee. The silver bangles she wore on both wrists tinkled. "So you had some success?"

"This conversation is over." he declared.

Carlisle and Esme watched the bickering with amusement and Edward felt like the butt of a joke he didn't get. He let his knife and fork clatter to the table and stalked out of the room.

Upstairs, he took a few minutes to let himself calm down. He turned on some music and looked around at the luxury he lived in. He reminded himself to be grateful for all he had and gradually relaxed on his soft leather couch. The days events had left him with a lot to think about.

After a while, Edward grew tired of the thoughts that were swirling around his brain. Too many questions with no answers in sight. He opened up his laptop and spent a few minutes checking his email and downloading some new songs. Then he did the thing he had resisted doing for days now. He googled Isabella Swan. Now that he actually knew her, the fear of becoming a stalker wasn't quite so strong.

To his disappointment, he found no trace of the girl he was looking for. There was nothing on the social networking sights and he could find no mention of her in relation to the town she mentioned in Washington.

Forks. What a dull sounding place. The high school didn't even have a website. He tried to picture her in the one horse town and failed. She seemed much better suited to city life. He did gather that the Chief of Police there was her father and he read an article about some award he had received. It indicated that Charlie Swan had a fiancée but there was no mention of his daughter. He was about to investigate this further when a box popped up in the corner of his screen.

Alice C- _Sry 4 embrsn u b4 at dinner_

He let her sweat for a minute before he responded. Plus, he needed time to decipher her chat speak.

Edward C- _You didn't embarrass me. You pissed me off._

Alice C- _Sry 4 pissing u off den. U no I hv boundary issues._

Edward C- _Apology accepted._

Alice C- _I can tell ur still mad!! I rly didn't mean 2 overstep da mark. Plz still come shopping with me on sat._

Edward C- _Can't you carry your own bags?_

Alice C- _I don't want to go on my own._

Edward C- _Ok. I'll go with you and I forgive you. Satisfied now?_

Alice C- _I will b if u tell me how it went 2day. Did u talk 2 her?_

Edward C- _Yes._

Alice C- _And?_

Edward C.- _And I spoke to her yesterday too. Her name is Bella and we're friends. End of story._

Alice C- _Just friends?_

Edward C- _I don't know that I could manage anymore than that right now._

He signed off and shut down his computer before Alice could respond. He didn't know how to be more than a friend to Bella. He was confident that there was someone better than him out there for her. But he cared for her and she liked him and that alone gave him hope when he tried to fall asleep.

--

--

The next morning, Edward spent the entire train journey replaying in his head the conversations he shared with Bella. The more he spoke to her, the less he really knew about her. He got the impression she was holding some of herself back. There was definitely more to her than meets the eye and he made a promise to himself that he would find out more about her without getting distracted by the light in her eyes or the sound of her voice.

Edward hadn't slept well the night before. Nothing new there. But he stopped at a coffee stand in the station in the hopes that a caffeine boost would have him sufficiently alert when he met Bella. She deserved his full attention. At the counter, he remember her quip from the day before - _No complicated cappuccinos. _On impulse he ordered two of the most elaborate drinks on offer and irritated the people in line behind him in the process.

He carried the steaming paper cups outside. It was a bright day but there was a definite chill in the wind and Edward was glad of the heat in his hands.

Bella was waiting for him- just as he'd come to expect. Still when she smiled at him and their eyes met, he was staggered by the warmth she emitted. Who needed coffee when Bella was there to brighten up a cold morning?

She was leaning against the stone wall that ran parallel to the steps. Waiting.

"Hey Edward," she greeted him when he was close enough to speak to. He'd be lying if he said he didn't quicken his pace for those last few steps.

"Hi Bella," he answered. Edward removed his jacket and placed it on the ground. He sat down and Bella had immediately joined him. He had put on a heavy sweater that morning in anticipation of this new routine but goosebumps still prickled his skin from the cold.

He noticed then that Bella had a brown paper bag on her lap. One with a familiar golden logo on the side. She looked a bit sheepish when she caught him looking,

"Oh. I was thinking about what we talked about yesterday," she mumbled. "So I bought us breakfast…"

Edward couldn't suppress his grin. "Me too. So I got us coffee."

He could almost feel her sigh of relief as he gestured to the cups he set down beside them.

"You did? Cool. And if you're not hungry or whatever I won't be offended."

"I actually am kind of peckish," Edward admitted. "I may have skipped breakfast this morning. I didn't want to be late."

That made Bella smile and he could smell the morning minty-freshness of her breath. So clean in comparison to the grime and crowds.

"Well that's kind of silly," she teased. "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

"Well it's a good thing you've come to my rescue then," Edward said, taking the bag from her lap. "What have we got here?"

"You're actually gonna eat it?" she exclaimed.

"I'm trusting you didn't slip some arsenic in here," he joked. "I'm naturally curious. Nothing wrong with trying something new every now and then."

"True," Bella agreed. "I got sausage and bacon. I didn't know which you'd prefer. And there's hash browns too."

"Which is your favourite?" asked Edward.

He was in a bit of a conundrum with that question. He wanted to try the one she preferred. However he also wished to allow her to have her preference.

"I don't discriminate against breakfast foods. So why don't you try both?" she told him.

Edward unwrapped his muffin carefully. He held it through the paper cover to avoid touching it. He was intensely aware of Bella's eyes on him and felt illogically nervous. He was not merely unnerved by her scrutiny as that was something he'd become accustomed to. No, he was afraid that this was something Bella liked and bought and shared with him and what if he didn't give the reaction she was hoping for?

He decided against smelling it before he took a bite. He had learned the hard way- over a bottle of cheap whiskey on Emmett's sixteenth birthday - that smelling things before you ingest them was not always a wise idea.

Gingerly, he sank his teeth into the muffin and took a bite and then another one. His worries were needless.

"Wow," he said after swallowing. "I _like _that."

Bella was nodding. "Good. I mean, I knew you would."

"Did you really?" Edward asked.

She coughed a laugh. "No. But I hoped. Try this one."

She took muffin from him and passed offered the other one from the bag. Habit, he guessed, made her open up the bread and look inside. Edward watched as she bit into what he just tasted with no hesitation at all. Fascinating. She put her thumb to the corner of her mouth as if she was trying to hold something in.

Her eyes met his and they shared an awkward smile before looking back down at the food.

It was by far the nicest breakfast he had ever eaten.

He passed Bella her coffee and watched as she opened the lid, looked inside, then replaced it.

"Yum." she declared after a sip.

Edward smiled at took a gulp of his. A bit too sweet for his liking.

"So is this in aid of something?" she wondered, gesturing to the cups. "Or do you regularly do this kind of thing?"

"Never," he answered the latter question. "I never do this kind of thing."

"Why now?" she asked. Curious again.

He'd been asking himself the same thing.

"Just felt like it. Or felt compelled to, rather." he answered. "Do you like it?"

"The coffee? Yeah, I do. It's a bit rich but I think I could get used to it." she said.

Edward raised his cup and bumped it against hers. It caused a near-silent thud, drowned out by the din of the crowd. To him, it contained all the majesty and celebration of the clinking of crystal.

"Are we toasting something?" she asked.

How quickly she caught on to his whims.

"Why your new job of course," he answered. "And - "

"And what?" she pressed.

"And trying new things."

-

-

Later that day, Bella navigated the crowds with her head down and her hood pulled up. It offered meagre protection from the vicious wind that bit at her skin.

People were angrier in the cold, she figured, and ruder. The crowds moved with icy determination and as forcefully as a gale. It was different in the sun, when people were by nature more relaxed. Like in Phoenix, if that was a place she still dwelled upon.

Instead she focused on the here and now. On the hope for improvement and the comfort of certainty. Knowing where her next pay cheque was coming from. Getting the hang of her classes. Thinking maybe things with college might work out in the long run. Having an implied standing arrangement with Edward. These were things that made her happy.

Generally speaking, Edward made her smile. His presence, the memory of him, the way his hair curled around his temple. Those things all made her do a little happy dance inside and made her heart swell in anticipation. He unearthed typically female characteristics that she never knew she possessed. Like the urge she felt to doodle his name in hearts on her notebook and the smug satisfaction of knowing he liked her, even a little bit.

He made Bella feel like the only girl in the world.

He wasn't quite a certainty. More like a recurring dream. But he was fascinating and there was just something about him that called her to him and made her never want to leave.

"Hey Bella." Edward appeared at her side, startling her.

His collar was turned up and the tips of his ears were red from the cold.

"Hi," she replied, watching the way he breathed onto cupped palms for warmth. "It's bitter out there isn't it?"

That was also her way of explaining why she was inside, deviating from their newly established routine.

"It's not that bad." he shrugged.

Her eyes went as wide as saucers. "Seriously? It's Arctic out there. I've lost all feeling in my fingers. And look-" she exhaled dramatically. "We're _inside_ and I can still see my breath."

He shook his head and smiled at her dramatics. If anyone else did that, Bella would have found them patronising.

"This is your first winter in Chicago right?" he queried.

She nodded as they sat on nearby bench.

"Well," he continued. "I hate to be the one to break it to you but it's going to get a lot worse than this."

But Bella had been feeling like things were getting better. Perhaps her hope was premature. Regardless, she raised her head in a defiant smile and told herself to toughen up, for what seemed like the millionth time since she moved.

"I'm a big girl." she joked. "I think I'll be able to handle it."

"Good," replied Edward. "I don't want you getting sick or anything. Remember to wrap up warm now that winter is kicking in."

He sounded the teeniest bit like an overprotective parent and Bella knew his statement would have made another girl scoff. But the concern seemed genuine to her and she was touched. She wasn't used to anyone caring about her like that.

So she said ok and fought the urge to roll her eyes and call him Dad. When she was with Edward she didn't bother to do her usual act of trying to be a normal girl. She was always herself with him.

She played with the end of her ponytail, twirling it around her index finger and a thought struck her.

"I guess I'll have to tie my hair back all the time now." she said.

Bella wondered why Edward looked pleased for a moment until his eyebrows pulled together in confusion. They were a shade or two darker than his hair.

"Why?" he asked.

"The wind," she explained. "I'm sure you've never tried to walk around in a gale with hair blowing in your face but it's extremely annoying."

Bella liked to leave her hair down, to let it hang straight down her back or let it fall over her eyes. To give her something to hide behind.

"Well, I prefer it back. I like to be able to look at your face." said Edward. Ironically, his eyes were firmly fixed on the ground when he said that.

Heat flooded Bella's cheeks and tinged them pink. Edward peeked at her reaction from the corner of his eye and jangled some change in his pocket. She noticed that he flinched slightly when an announcement blared over the tannoy and the way his shoulders tensed when someone accidentally brushed against him.

Before her eyes, Edward was reverting back into the closed-off boy she first glimpsed all those weeks ago.

"How was your day?" she asked in an attempt to keep the conversation fluid.

"Boring," he sighed. "And yours?"

"Fine." she replied.

Her voice was flat and apathetic. She could tell she was losing him. His eyes darted to the clock and his jaw was clenched.

"Are you alright?" she asked. If he could express concern then so could she.

"I'm fine," he seemed at a loss for words.

Bella waited for him to find them.

"I just don't like crowds much." he admitted finally.

"You don't want to be here." she stated.

"No!" he protested. "I do, I swear. I want to be with you. Here with you."

The enormity of his statement hit Bella like a wrecking ball. She figured it was a slip of the tongue, that he meant he wanted to spend time with her or to distract him while he waited for the train. When she let herself entertain the notion that there was truth in his words, she would have expected to be inwardly thrilled. But all she could wonder was why he would feel like that about _her?_

"Do you want to sit outside instead?" she asked.

Edward shook his head. "It's too cold. Really, I'm fine here."

His body-language told her otherwise but she didn't push it. She thought back to when she told herself she would take what she could get. Of course, she didn't know when she made that promise that she would want so much more.

She had been slowly realising that apart from being gorgeous and intriguing, there was something much more complex about Edward. It was evident in his slight social awkwardness and apparent solitary existence. Dealing with him, knowing him, would be a lot more complicated than it seemed on the surface.

She hadn't even scratched said surface yet. And she knew she had just as many, if not more, quirks and oddities as he had.

But somehow, she figured wading through all that murkiness would be worth it. If he would let her. If she could do the same in return. They could see what lay beneath.

"Can I ask you a question?" Bella asked hesitantly as she thought back over the conversations they'd had. She remembered each one with perfect clarity.

He nodded, eager and unsure in the same movement.

"Why don't you ever talk about yourself?" she blurted out before she lost her nerve.

Edward looked shocked and she was worried again about scaring him off.

"I...I do talk about myself." he answered. "Don't I?"

"No. Not really. I don't mean to pry but I do want to get to know you. And you've told me about your family and a little about your work and a few things you like. But nothing about the real you." she said.

"Are you always this observant?" he asked her.

"Are you always this evasive?" she countered.

"I could say the same for you Bella," Edward replied.

Perhaps. But at least she was trying. It didn't occur to her that he was really trying too.

"If you ask, I will answer." she told him. She didn't think she could hide from Edward if she wanted to. "Which is more than I can say for you."

She wondered why she was goading him like this. There was a little voice in the back of her mind screaming at her to stop. _You'll push him away. The only person to show interest in you, the only person you want to be interested in you. And you're going to scare him off!_

But what if this was the only way? What if he needed to be pushed?

Edward's teeth were gritted and his hands were in his hair. His demeanour screamed _angry _but his eyes sparkled in amusement.

"Maybe you won't be interested in what I have to say about myself." he told her.

"Maybe I should be the judge of that." she retorted.

He exhaled loudly. Either in exasperation or defeat. "Maybe judging is what I'm afraid of." he muttered.

"I won't." Bella looked him square in the eye. "People in glass houses and all that…"

He gave her a small smile that was tinged with sadness. It didn't quite meet his eyes.

"I'm not used to meeting new people, Bella. Or rather meeting people that I actually want to know. And I do want to know you. So-" his smile was brighter now "-Ask me again and I'll do my best."

She had a thousand questions to ask him. A million. Where to begin?

But Edward wasn't finished speaking. He raised his hand slightly and voiced his qualification.

"But you have to promise me something in return," he stated. It wasn't an optional choice.

"Anything." she replied.

_Anything? _Why did the logical girl she used to be disappear when she looked into his eyes? If he asked her to jump in front of a train, she doubted she would have the willpower to refuse.

"Afford me the same luxury. If I ask, do your best to answer." he said.

She paused for a moment and decided it was a fair agreement. Maybe she needed to be pushed too. Maybe he wouldn't care about their differences and the insecurities that were completely justifiable to her.

"Deal." she answered and stuck out her hand.

He looked at it for a moment before wrapping his strong fingers around hers. Electricity charged and feeling finally returned to Bella's numb hand. It took a lot more effort than it should have to let go and end the handshake.

"Deal." he echoed.

"Obstinate." was the next word Bella spoke.

"Pardon?" Edward replied.

"Obstinate," she repeated, tapping the folded newspaper under his arm. "Seventeen down. Another word for stubborn."

"Oh. Right." he chuckled and opened out the newspaper. "I would have gotten that."

"Sure you would." Bella teased.

She handed him a pen and he scribbled in the word with light, elegant handwriting. Bella considered telling him she liked his penmanship but decided that would be too odd.

"Ritual," he pointed to the next word. "Repetitive behaviour, sometimes formal or unchanging in nature."

"Twelve Across. To live." Bella thought aloud. "Reside?"

Edward shook his head. "Too long. Exist fits."

"Thirty down." said Bella. The both pointed at the same time. His fingers almost brushed hers. "Junction. Ten letters."

"Crossroads." answered Edward and neatly filled in the boxes.

Bella worked on the puzzle with Edward until it was time for him to leave. They challenged each other and huddled together for warmth, so close that her ponytail rested somewhere on his shoulder and she felt it when his shoulders finally relaxed against hers.

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_Thanks for reading! Apologies for any typos. Review if you wish. With the next chapter, there'll definitely be some more obvious getting to know you time and some answers._


	9. Chapter 9

_Once again, I am sorry for the delay with updates. If you're still interested, you have my utmost gratitude. Part of the reason was **Snap, **the short story that I put up recently which I'd love for people to look at if they're in the mood for something different._

_On my profile, I have posted links to 2 songs that kinda sum up this story so far. Check them out if you wish.  
_

_I struggled with this, it seems a little unbalanced to me. but here it is regardless. I hope it works._

_

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_The next day was largely fruitless for Edward. He spent too much time pretending to work and thinking about Bella. He resented that he'd been deprived of his sojourn with her that morning, and hated even more that she had a life that he didn't.

The lack of focus in his life was bothering him more and more with each passing moment. He longed for the 'get up and go' attitude he concluded Bella to possess. He hated his restlessness and tendency to wallow. But he did nothing about it, and therein lay the problem.

But he walked with a purposeful stride into the station that evening for his encounter with the girl who had taken residence in his brain and his heart.

"There's something different here," he stated when he met her in the atrium. In the spirit of _getting to know you_, he'd decided to be more candid in sharing his thoughts. It was a vain attempt to possibly avoid the more awkward questions. Edward could talk for hours about music or current affairs and regularly stopped those closest to him bringing up things he didn't wish to speak about.

The atmosphere was different though. The air too stagnant. The motions too still. Where was the usual hecticness?

"No hello?" Bella responded.

"Sorry," he flushed and chastised himself. "Hello."

Around him there were tense faces and snaking queues at the desks. The information board did not move.

"There's a delay?" he asked Bella and was cut off by a tinny voice over the PA system announcing just that. The androgynous announcer cited an obstruction on the tracks that was being worked on. There was no mention of how long that would take. An audible groan rippled through the crowd.

This could be a very fortuitous coincidence for Edward - no limit on the time he got to spend with the lovely Bella.

With the ease of an old married couple, they made their way to the scratched bench that had been their seat on previous occasions. It was too cold to sit outside and Edward was still making an effort to be normal. But they found it occupied by stranded commuters.

He smiled when Bella gave an oblivious man a dirty look that was about as effective as a toddler sticking out it's tongue. With no other options, they sat on the tiled ground and leaned against a pillar.

"It seems people are extremely incensed about the delay," Edward mused and they both watched a red-faced, grey haired man gesture wildly at a weary clerk. "It could be most inconvenient."

"I guess…" Bella trailed off, seeming unsure.

"I'm not bothered myself," he leaned close to her ear and whispered conspiratorially. "In fact, I'm quite delighted."

Her returning smile was radiant. "Me too."

Edward watched as Bella stretched her neck and moved her head in small circles.

"Uncomfortable?" he asked.

She shook her head and the action made her wince.

"Not really. It's just a little cramp from bending over a desk all day. That and the fact my mattress is about as comfortable as a bed as nails." she replied, the first complaint that he had ever heard her utter.

But how was he supposed to give a coherent answer when she said things like that? If he didn't know better he'd think she was deliberately being seductive.

It was near impossible to retain mere friendly feelings when she made him think of her bent over a desk and picture her in her bed. Or the two of them, squashed onto a thin dorm-issued mattress on a cramped single bed…

His fingers throbbed with the need to caress her neck and relieve the tension knotted there. But he doubted she want his hands on her in such an intimate way. She seemed too innocent for that. Untouched. He was afraid abrupt forwardness would scare her away. After all, the slow snail-like pace of their fledgling relationship had worked so far.

No, he corrected himself, not relationship. Friendship. Wasn't that what he had told Alice and promised himself? Besides, Bella hadn't given him any indication that she wanted more than a friend. Not really. He gathered she was lonely and had found a kindred spirit. Until he was able, and she indicated otherwise, they would remain friends.

"I wonder what's causing the delay?" he said. A query, not a complaint. He couldn't complain about a legitimate reason for spending more time with Bella. Not that the pleasure of her company wasn't reason enough.

"Oh that," she answered. "There's a body on the tracks."

The casual tone of her voice threw him momentarily. He wondered if he'd misheard her.

"A body?" he repeated. "A dead body?"

She nodded, scrunching her nose at his apparent shock. "Do you not see bodies a lot in your line of work?"

"I certainly do not," he replied. "I work in a lab, an office. Not a morgue. I deal with papers and test-tubes. Not bodies."

"Oh," she shrugged. "I always imagined those facilities to be full of cadavers donated to medical science."

Thinking of Eleazar and his pro bono work and medical breakthroughs, Edward made a mental note to correct her assumptions more thoroughly before Bella ever met his boss.

But for now, he was still gob-smacked by her flippancy.

"How do you know the reason for the hold-up? Is a body really the cause of the obstruction?" he said.

She shrugged again." I overheard some of the staff talking about it before you got here. They keep it quiet so the crowds don't get restless. And it's bad PR. They don't want the media to know until forensics are done and it's nice and clean again."

Wasn't she just a wealth of information?

Wasn't Edward just heartless when he prayed the cleaning would take hours?

"Suicide?" he wondered.

Bella looked distant. "Who knows? It could be an accident. Could be deliberate. There's a spot just outside the main station where the local kids hangout. An overpass or bridge or something. They stand with their backs to the tracks and play chicken. The run across it as a short-cut to the store or to hide when the cops or their parents are after kids, Edward. I saw this boy once - he must have been around thirteen. They dared him to run across when the train was coming. They called him a pu - all sorts of names until he did it. His jacket was ripped clean off him. The train only missed him by a hairs breadth…"

She trailed off, shaking her head as if clearing from her memory. "That kinda thing is a regular occurrence. Don't look so shocked city slicker." she finished jokingly.

Thinking about the way he had lectured her about the weather, Edward wondered had he come across as patronising or concerned. He knew the last place she called home probably had a less occupants than the station currently did. But he never meant to come off as worldly or anything like that. Sure, he knew the best place to get a hot dog and that it was common courtesy to stand to the left on escalators to let people by. But he had lead a fairly sheltered life and the realities of inner-city youth were alien to him. Baseball and school were about the extent of his pastimes when he was younger. And he'd never even gotten the full high school experience.

"But it's so dangerous." he commented. "Why would anyone risk their life like that?"

He thought of his family and the way they worried.

"I don't know why. The thrill? Maybe they're too young to see the danger. Or maybe they see it and don't care. It could be exhilarating…" Bella trailed off again.

"Sympathy is hard to come by," Edward mused. "When the person brings things upon themselves. When they are the creator of their own destruction."

"I suppose," Bella said with a wrinkle of her nose. "But it's not that simple. Sometimes destruction, or even just damage, is out of our control."

He wanted to shake his head, to disagree with her opinion. He knew that his problems were his own doing, his own weakness. But this negativity, though a stimulating conversation, were not part of his plan for getting to know her.

"How do _you _know about the train lines and these dangerous regular occurrences?" he asked.

"I see them from my window." she replied, matter-of-factly.

Edward tilted his head to the side; an invitation for her to explain further.

Bella pointed off towards the side doors of the station, beyond the men's toilets with their rent boys and pissy smell and the weary cleaner with her drooping mop.

"I live just out there. It's amazing the things you can see from my window - trannies, hookers, I once saw a guy walk down the road with a flower pot on his head and nothing else on." she said.

Edward processed this information. He never had seen her get a train, never thought much of her reasons for being in the station other than to be the high point of his day.

"You don't live on campus?" he asked.

Bella shook her head. He thought she seemed to be thinking furiously, the turning cogs were almost visible.

"Where _do_ you live, Bella?"

He waited for her answer and felt like a lot hindered on this moment.

She took a deep breath. "Um…out there. I told you."

Edward thought of the nearby buildings and couldn't recollect any apartment blocks. "In an apartment? Must be above one of the shops, is it?"

"No."

"Hey," he said softly. "Remember our deal? I'm just curious…I'm not going to stalk you or anything."

Her returning smile was sad. "A deal is a deal, I suppose. But just promise that you won't, like, pity me or anything. I won't accept that."

"Promise." He held his breath.

"I - " she paused, then tried again. "It's called Spero House. I rent a room there cheap 'til I find something more permanent."

Spero. That meant hope right? Edward's middle-class brain tried to place her words in context.

Bella took his silence as invitation to go and spilled out her whole sorry story for the first time.

"I moved to Chicago for college. I was so excited to be coming to a big city. I never fit in in Forks and my father was pretty busy with his new girlfriend. So I had my acceptance letter and secured a scholarship which was meant to cover tuition and accommodation, packed my bags and took a train to Chicago. I hate flying and I had a bunch of crap in my luggage, so it made more sense.

"Anyway, I arrived bright eyed and bushy-tailed to find out that my scholarship had fallen through. The company that sponsored it had gone bust and I had nowhere to live. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't call on either of my parents for help and I didn't want to admit my failure anyway.

"The first night, I was distraught. I didn't know what to do or where to go. I sat here in the station and cried all night long. Then, I decided that I wasn't going to be a victim. The tuition for the first semester had been paid and the student assistance office gave me details of some places to stay so I just…got on with things."

Edward was stunned by the honesty in her admission and the fact that she had chosen to share it with him. So Bella wasn't the carefree student he had assumed her to be. She had issues and problems. She was _strong. _She was struggling but she was coping.

He wanted to say so many things. He wanted to offer condolences and a blank cheque. He wanted to bring her home and have Esme cook her dinner and make up a bed in the guestroom. Hell, he wanted to wrap her in his gold satin comforter and bury under the covers with her.

But none of that felt like the right reaction for her.

He exhaled, breath ruffling her hair. "You're very brave." Edward told her earnestly.

Bella let out a high pitched nervous giggle. "Yeah. Right. Brave. That's why I'm afraid to call my parents. That's why I skulk around train stations and pour my heart out to complete strangers. That's why I'm afraid to close my eyes at night and sleep with a baseball bat beside my bed and let me tell you, I've never played baseball in my life!"

"You are brave," he insisted. "More than I ever was. Don't put yourself down."

Bella made a knot in her hair, then untied it again. Her eyes were tired, her mouth drooped. She stared aimlessly into the crowd.

"I'm just drifting along." she almost whispered. "That's nothing to be proud of."

"You're trying," Edward said. "That counts for a lot, believe me."

"I bet you think I'm some needy pathetic girl now." she stated with a self-deprecating smile.

Edward shook his head vigorously. "Not at all. Just a victim of circumstance. I don't think any less of you, any different. I still…like you."

"You do?"

He knew his words made her face brighten. It thrilled him that he had that effect on her but still, her obvious loneliness saddened him.

"Of course." Edward placed a tentative hand on her wrist and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Bella looked so grateful it hurt.

This rare tender moment was interrupted then, when the velvet skirts of a hawker appeared in front of Edward's face.

"You buy rose, no?" she asked, in thickly accented English. Her mouth was full of gold teeth.

He looked up at the bubble-burster with blinking eyes.

"For the lady. Buy rose. Make her smile. I give you three for price of two." the woman was insisting.

Edward looked at Bella, she was clearly embarrassed. He couldn't imagine her bringing roses back to the little room she just described.

"No thank you." Bella spoke up while he hesitated.

"Beautiful rose for beautiful girl." The seller kept trying.

"We're not interested." Edward said firmly and with a disgruntled humph the rose seller left to harass some other unfortunate commuter.

"Did she just hiss at us?" Bella was indignant.

"It was more of a _humph," _Edward replied, smiling. "You're not offended are you?"

Her eyes widened. "No! I don't expect you to buy me flowers."

He desperately needed to rectify her assumption. "Bella, let me assure you that I have no objection to buying flowers for you. I just didn't want to buy them off _her." _His nose wrinkled in disgust. "Those sellers are crooks. Everyone knows that. Half the time it's just a ploy to distract you enough to pick your pocket."

Edward watched the woman move through the crowd and sure enough, there was a young boy with the same sallow skin and gold teeth shadowing her every move.

"I kinda feel sorry for her." Bella admitted. "She gets dropped off every day by a scary looking man. Imagine being put out to work like that, without a choice."

Edward felt a little ashamed by Bella's goodness. Her perspective, though somewhat naïve, was kind and pure. Opposite to his jaded view of the world. The fall would hurt, he decided, whenever Bella realised that things were not as pleasant as she would like them to be. He vowed not to be the one who showed her the dark truth, whatever it took.

He felt her eyes on him, searching and waiting, but he couldn't think of an adequate response to her analysis of the gypsy. So he raised his eyebrows and twisted his lips dismissively.

"Just another objectionable quirk of the train station." he commented.

"You really don't like it here, do you?" said Bella.

"I really don't." he confirmed. What was there to like? Other than her of course.

"Why?"

"Why not?" he countered. "There's only one thing that makes the experience more agreeable and it isn't the interior design."

Blushing though she was, Bella still stood her ground.

"Remember when you promised to answer my questions," she reminded him. "I was honest with you after all."

"It's too noisy," he began. "Too crowded. Too many people inflicting their attitudes on to others. It's dirty. It smells more often than not. There are garish advertisements everywhere. Isn't that reason enough?"

"Is it?" She replied. "Those things can be easily overlooked."

_Honesty. _Edward reminded himself. _Keep your promises. Give something back._

"I told you I was adopted right?"

Bella nodded.

"Well…when I was little I used to love trains. Thomas the Tank Engine was my hero. You know there's a train named Edward? I thought that was the best thing in the world. And I had this copy of _The Little Engine Who Could _that I carried everywhere with me. It was dog-eared and full of juice stains and chocolate fingerprints but I'd never let my parents buy me a new one. I used to insist on my mom reading it to me every single night, even when she was in the hospital.

"Anyway, when Carlisle and Esme adopted me, they decided it would be better for me to grow up in the suburbs. And they thought it would be a treat for us to travel by train. I remember Esme didn't look too comfortable with the idea but we headed off anyway. They took me by the hand and I was clutching my little book and I was really excited.

"But when we got here, everything was so _big. _I was overwhelmed, scared. It was noisy and scary and crowded and I wanted my mom and Esme couldn't understand why I was so upset. Carlisle went to get our tickets and Esme met someone she knew. They got talking and I dunno, we got separated.

"I was looking for her but there was too many people. All I could see was legs and briefcases and someone knocked me must have been rush hour. I was crying and panicking. Some lady tried to help me. She asked me where my mommy was and what was her name. They brought me to some office and put a call out over the PA system for an Elizabeth Masen. I got mixed up and I couldn't really remember what Esme looked liked to describe her…"

While Edward spoke his gaze was firmly fixed on the ground. The story kept spilling out and as the words flowed, he was acutely aware that this was the first time the memory had ever left the confines of his mind.

And as it was released, every thing he remembered came flooding back. All those feelings of fear and panic and not knowing if anyone was ever coming to find him were as raw as a new oozing wound. It was evident in his voice, as it grew jittery and rapid.

Yet, there was no denying the relief that came over him when Bella hooked her thumb around his, a balm to a wound.

"But they came eventually and found me. Brought me home. And I remember being really happy to see them which kind of shocked me. I lost my book though. Esme wanted to buy me a new one but it just wasn't the same. But whenever I come back here, all that panic and claustrophobia comes flooding back and that's why I don't like it here."

Edward concluded in a matter of fact tone, feeling a bit like an amateur psychologist or one of those people who analysed problems on the radio and had read far too many self-help books.

"That must be hard." Bella commented after a few terse silent moments.

He let out a breath he hadn't even realised he was holding inside.

"There are harder things." he replied, not sure of what else to say.

"Was it hard to share that?" she asked, her eyes blinking intently at his face. He knew she was watching him carefully.

"No." Edward was surprised at the truth of his answer. It should have been hard but it wasn't. "Easier than I would have imagined. I mean, I've never really explained it like that before, even to myself. But….I just couldn't stop talking."

"I can empathise with that." Bella said with a smile.

"So now you know why I get tense here," he said. "But I still don't get why you like it here."

Bella laughed and it was the most delicious sound.

"Don't get me wrong, I'd rather be on a sunny beach somewhere than here. But when I am here, I don't think it's that bad. It's full of life and energy. And all these people, no matter what walk of life they come from, are all the same her. Equal. It's fascinating to watch."

How could someone with such opposite perspectives be so easy for Edward to relate to?

"But it's so intrusive. All these people, lives open for all the world to see. Or else closed and rude and bitter. It's head-wrecking." Edward replied.

Bella's eyebrows shot up. "People. You don't like people?"

He let out an embarrassed guffaw. "That sounds terribly anti-social. Perhaps most people I've encountered just aren't likeable or interesting."

"Take a look around, Edward," Bella said, her arms moving out in delicate circle. "This place is teeming with interesting people. See that woman over there with the notebook. Don't you want to know what she is writing?"

He cast his eyes towards an odd looking woman furiously scribbling in a battered notebook. She had frizzy grey hair that was doing it's best to escape the confines of a rainbow striped knitted hat and the rest of her outfit was nondescript.

"Not particularly. The odds are that she's a bored housewife desperately clinging onto the last vestiges of creativity before they are all wiped away by the menopause."

Bella seemed outraged on the strangers behalf. "Edward! That is a terrible attitude to have. For all we know she could be a brilliant poet. Or a journalist. She could be writing a letter to a loved one."

"Or she could be a wannabe taking a creative writing class in the nearest learning annexe."

Edward could play this game, as long as it was on his terms. Bella caught on quickly and he delighted in the dawning smile that tugged on her lips.

"Look at that man over there." He pointed discreetly in the direction of the ticket booth. Bella stared blatantly; subtlety was clearly not her strong suit.

They watched a middle aged man in a wrinkled but well-cut suit. He was speaking to the gypsy rose seller with a warm smile on his face. And to their shared astonishment, the oblivious man proceeded to buy the woman's entire cache of flowers. Dozens of not quite fresh roses in mottled shades of pink and red. Money was handed over seamlessly and both parties left the transaction satisfied.

"How sweet." Bella murmured, a wistful sheen on her eyes.

"Sweet," Edward echoed, his eyes were on the gold band glinting on the man's left hand "Really? Why do you think he bought them?"

"I bet they're for his wife - an apology for being late home from work. Or maybe it's their anniversary. Or maybe he's going to visit his mother in the nursing home and wants to cheer her up." she offered. "What's your theory?"

"Adultery," he stated. "He was in the city to see his mistress. Perhaps she's his secretary and they have trysts in the supply closet. He's feeling guilty so he spent a ridiculous amount of money on inferior flowers in order to alleviate his shame and distract his wife from the lingering smell of perfume on his clothes."

"Jeez, Edward," Bella joked. "I think it's time you took off those rose tinted glasses. Such a positive perception of humanity is unrealistic and possibly going to lead to disappointment."

He laughed at her barb. How pleasant it was, to laugh at himself in a way that didn't mock and sting.

"I think I can cope." he replied.

"Yes," Bella nodded. "I think you can."

The train was delayed for quite a while that evening, though Edward didn't quite know exactly how long. Keeping track of time was not something that seemed important in Bella's company.

For the duration of the delay they joked and laughed played that guessing game until his cheeks hurt from smiling and his ass was numb from sitting on the ground. He guessed that Bella felt lighter with the weight of her admission regarding her living situation gone from her shoulders and he certainly felt free and connected having shared one of his earliest memories with her. It was funny-peculiar that after the effort it took to reveal the reason behind his anxiety, said anxiety was all but expelled with the gentle touch of her hand and the kindness in her eyes.

He was certain something had grown in the space of that conversation on the marble floor. Something had become deeper, roots tangled between shared soil as they both shared secrets and part of themselves.

He wished he could do more, be more of a man. He had more money than he could possibly need. Why couldn't he just give it to her?

Why was it that he had been both born and adopted into a privileged life with loving parents and this girl had neither and nothing and in all honestly, it was clear her parents didn't give a shit for her welfare.

And why was it that he felt more like himself with her than he did with himself or anyone he'd ever met? He wanted to spill all his secrets to her, even the bad ones that would make her run away because he wanted her to know _all _of him. And damn if he didn't want to know every inch of her.

And words came easier and easier, nothing like those early encounters when he had a blank vocabulary. He couldn't stop talking if he wanted to. So different to his routine of meaningless stilted conversations.

He only stopped sharing when he became enraptured by the sound of her voice and the sense it made and the stories it told. It was beautiful.

She was beautiful - so full of life and enthusiasm and experience. He was dormant and apathetic and yet, with this girl Edward felt her vitality rub off onto his skin and seep into his bones.

So she kept talking and he kept answering. She bounced off him and he challenged her. There was an invisible rubber ball pinging back and forth, taut with the energy and propelled with the chemistry they shared.

Certainly, it pained him to walk away when the train was finally running again. It wrenched his gut to imagine the home she was returning to. But his parting words to her were full of the hope he felt because he knew without a doubt that the _something _that existed between him and Bella was definite and tangible. Sure, they were clinging because there was nothing to lose but that was the beauty of it all.

Chalk and cheese. Night and day. But still so completely alike in their differences that there couldn't be a more perfect match.

His goodbye to her was full of lingering looks and innocent touches. Bella smiled and made him say the exact time they were both free to meet again. It couldn't come soon enough. This was no longer tentative. It was real. He was real again.

The carriage was even more crowded than usual. Edward's body was tense as he was cramped and jostled in the packed space. But his mind was calm inside.

He noticed the man he and Bella had observed get off at the same stop as him, still laden down with plastic covered roses. They rustled in his arms and Edward couldn't resist watching him as they exited the station. He thought it would have been humorous to prove one of their theories right.

He didn't expect the man to walk into the cemetery around the block. He didn't expect him to tenderly lay the flowers down on a fresh grave with rich brown soil still piled on top and a weak wooden cross at it's head. When he saw the man make a fist press his wedding ring to his lips and a single tear ran down his stubbly cheek, Edward had to walk away.

He walked home, thinking of Bella and how little he really knew.

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_Thanks for reading! Apologies for any typos. Reviews are highly appreciated.  
_


	10. Chapter 10

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Edward did, however, know one thing that evening as he walked home. He knew that things were changing.

The prospect of not seeing Bella for the next few days was not a welcome one. He would have liked to be one of those people who greeted the weekend with vigour and anticipation. Rather, he viewed it as something to be endured. A blank space in time in which he chose not to dwell on the fact that he had nothing to do.

Ordinarily he would have moped - an activity he had become far too accustomed to. But he didn't feel like skulking around the house like some grounded delinquent. Edward figured the best thing to do was to find a way to occupy his time. He chopped the vegetables for Esme's casserole and he helped Carlisle clean his golf clubs. He pushed the stark image of the flower-man out of his head and replaced it a smile from Bella. He carried that mental picture around with him like a security blanket - something warm to wrap around his cold attitude.

After dinner they watched the news, where the reporter briefly mentioned that the body of a homeless man had been found just outside the train station. No foul play was suspected. Edward told his parents he hadn't noticed anything unusual on his way home when they asked.

That night, when he tried to sleep it was harder to remain upbeat but still he persevered. He knew from experience that things always seemed worse in the small hours of the mornings. Worries had a way of magnifying themselves. Anxiety had a way of seeping into every pore. Self-derision had a way of clouding judgment.

But instead of focusing on his own shortcomings he worried about his Bella, lonely and alone so far away. He hoped sleep came more easily to her and deep down he prayed that she was thinking of him too.

Saturday morning dawned in a dull way and Edward awoke to the steady beat of Alice's fists pounding on his door.

He groaned and rolled over onto his back, burying his head on the pillow. He had only gotten a few short hours of sleep. Whatever happened to weekend lie-ins?

"Edward. Edward. Edward. Edward. Edward………" Alice repeated his name like stuck record. Though muffled through the heavy wooden door there was no mistaking the determination in her voice.

He rolled out of bed with his blanket still wrapped around his shoulders and stormed over to the door.

"What?" he practically growled as he wrenched open the locked door. Of course he was mad at Alice for waking him. He had been in the middle of the most pleasant dream…

"We're going shopping today," Alice stated, throwing him one of her looks. "Remember your promise? So get your lazy ass out of bed pronto."

"I'm up now aren't I?" he said with an exaggerated huff. "The stores won't even be open yet."

"I know that Einstein," Alice rolled her eyes. "You have one hour to go for your run while Esme and I make breakfast. Time management is important."

"Fine." Edward gave in to her demands. "I'll go now."

Alice disappeared down the hallway and Edward got changed into his running clothes. A few minutes later he was pounding over the smooth pavement, sailing past manicured laws and wondering why the fresh air made him think of Bella.

The run made Edward ravenous and after a quick shower he joined the family for breakfast. As usual, Esme had gone all out and cooked enough for an army. Edward thought of the McMuffin he had enjoyed earlier in the week and smiled.

"What are you so happy about?" Alice asked him. She never missed a trick.

"The prospect of spending the day carrying shopping bags for my dear sister." he deadpanned.

"You're both going shopping today?" Esme asked in surprise.

Edward nodded and looked down at his waffles. They could provide a welcome distraction.

"Mom," Alice said. "I _told _you Edward promised me he would come. Don't you remember?"

"It must have slipped my mind." Esme quickly replied.

It stung when Edward realised his mother had expected him to let Alice down.

"Are you going into the city?" Carlisle asked, trying to smooth away the hurt look on his son's face.

Edward looked at Alice - it was her day after all. She shook her head.

"Nah. I wanna go to the mall." she said through a mouthful of food.

"Have you plans for later on?" Esme asked her children.

Edward looked at Alice again.

"I have a lot of stuff to get," she said. "I need a new memory card for my camera and I have to pick up some mock-ups from the printing place. I need some new make-up brushes and winter clothes. So that will take a while. Do you need anything Edward?"

He shook his head. He was planning on getting a few things but couldn't be bothered mentioning them.

"Well your father and I are having an early dinner with Carmen and Eleazar if you'd like to join us."

Edward shrugged. Alice said it would all depend on how shopping went. There wasn't anything much else to add so he went upstairs to get ready.

When he was waiting in the garage for Alice, Carlisle came out to load his clubs into the trunk of his car and spotted him.

"Alice can't find her phone," Carlisle said. "She's running around the house looking for it."

"Didn't she think to call it?" Edward asked with a smirk.

"I guess not," Carlisle replied.

Edward began to dial her number but Carlisle held up his hand to stop him.

"Are you doing alright?" he asked, concern obviously spilling from his voice and glowing from his eyes.

"I'm fine," he answered tersely.

"You seem a little distracted lately," Carlisle pressed on. "Up and down. Are you sure there isn't anything on your mind?"

"No more than usual." Edward sighed. Carlisle knew his tendency to over think things better than anyone else. Edward knew it would be easy to convince him that nothing had changed.

On his sixteenth birthday Edward received a brand new car from his father. It was a bright shiny token a responsibility and independence. That morning, Edward hugged Carlisle so tightly that he had to cancel all his surgeries that week to allow his shoulder to recover. He had to wear his jacket all day long, in unbearable June humidity, so no-one would see the tiny tear stains on his shirt.

That boy part of Edward wanted very badly to tell his father all about the lovely girl he had met and all the new ways he was feeling.

The new man side of Edward couldn't do that. Didn't even really want to. Inwardly, he mourned the loss of the openness he had once enjoyed with his family. He had never been excitable like Alice or fun loving like Emmett. But they were all he had and still he couldn't stop himself pulling away.

Rather than speak, Edward hit call and helped Alice find her phone. The little shriek from the house revealed it had been in her pocket the entire time. The door flew open and Alice dashed down the steps into the garage.

"I'm coming!" she called, effectively ending the exchange between Carlisle and Edward.

He could see the hand coming towards him - a comforting gesture from father to son. His finger hovered over the button to roll up the window. He almost wanted to press it. A few weeks ago he would have. Carlisle squeezed Edward's shoulder affectionately

"You know where I am if you need anything," he said.

Edward stared straight ahead but reached his hand up - meaning to place his hand over his father's for a moment. It was all he could think to do. He was too late though and Carlisle was already kissing the top of Alice's head and reminding her about credit limits.

As Edward drove away, he could still see Carlisle staring after them.

Shopping with Alice wasn't actually as tortuous as in reality as it was in theory. Edward helped her run the errands she needed to get done, carrying the large cardboard yearbook mock ups that would have otherwise swamped her tiny frame. He couldn't help but wonder why the other people on the committee weren't helping out but thought better of asking her. No point in ruining her cheerful mood.

He wandered in the electronic store while Alice dithered over which memory card to buy and what kind of paper to get for her photo printer. The neon lights hurt his eyes. A ridiculously girly iPod case caught his eye, all swirling rose patterns and it gave him an idea.

_A brilliant idea if I do say so myself, _he thought. _The very gesture I need to make._

"You're not buying _that, _are you?" Alice asked, interrupting him.

"No. I'm just looking." Edward replied.

"Good. Because you know headphones give me headaches. And if you're going to buy me a gift I'd rather it be something useful." A mischievous grin spread across her glossy lips. "Unless of course, you're planning on buying something for another girl in your life…"

"I'm _just _looking." He repeated through gritted teeth, jaw clenched and shoulders stiff.

"Whatever." Alice rolled her eyes. "I can see right through you."

"Want to split up for a while?" he suggested. "I have some stuff to get."

"Okay," Alice agreed. "I'll call you and we'll meet for lunch." She floated away, her skirt swooshing along the polished floor as she made her way to the department store.

He made his purchases - new running shoes and socks, a shirt for work, a couple of books. A new winter coat was briefly considered until he figured there would be a better selection in the city rather than a suburban mall. A pretty blue bracelet twinkled under the glass at a jewellery counter and he had to physically restrain himself from buying it.

There would be time for that at some stage, he hoped. For now he would stick with his earlier, more meaningful, idea.

For the duration of his shopping, Edward went through a mental play list in his head. It was a welcome distraction from the crowds in the mall. This place, all bright and garish and teeming with commercialism was almost more distasteful than the train station and lacked any redeeming features. There were no loveable mysterious girls here to distract him and make him happy.

People milled around Edward - couples, families, children, groups of friends. Some pre-teen girls in a trendy uniform of black and fluorescent brights twittered past him, shooting him coy glances though layers of eyeliner and thick spider leg eyelashes. He felt uncomfortable at the attention and smiled awkwardly at the youngest one. She reminded him of Alice. Their returning squeal was deafening and he quickly walked away.

He went to wait for Alice at that classy little Italian place near Nordstrom. The food was overpriced but delicious and it was the only place in the mall he would consider eating. He called her three times before he began to worry she lost her phone again. On the fourth try, Alice answered with a whispered greeting.

"Where are you?" he asked.

"Oh!" she exclaimed. "I lost track of the time. I'm just around the corner looking at the pictures--"

"I'll meet you there." He hung up and impatiently walked to find her.

A local photographer displayed a small exhibition in the mall every month. It was generally crowd pleasing generic stuff - autumn leaves, graduations and Fourth of July picnics. Every now and then he managed to sneak in something with artistic merit. Alice was looking at such a photograph; an endearing and haunting image of a child on her first day school. You could practically see the tremble in her plump lip and the tears glisten in the eyes of the mother in the background.

"There you are," Edward said by way of greeting. "That's the standout picture of the month."

Alice didn't turn to look at him when she spoke. "Isn't it amazing? Look at the contrast…the light…"

"The emotion."

"Yeah." she answered with acidic bitterness. "The emotion. On my first day of school my mother practically threw a party."

"Esme sobbed when I started," he offered. "And don't you remember when you started high school? Her eyes were still red when we got home."

"I know."

Just like that the sadness left Alice's demeanour and it was replaced with enthusiasm. Edward led her away from the exhibition and picked up her bags.

"Buy anything nice?" he asked.

As if on cue, Alice launched into a wildly descriptive account of everything she had done in the time they were apart and Edward didn't need to say another word all through lunch. They shopped some more and Alice insisted on getting ice-cream before they left. They waited by the window for their order and when two overly made-up girls calling each other 'J' and 'G' paused outside, Alice ducked down behind the glass.

He ignored the scary appraising looks they threw in his direction and the way they pouted their collagen lips. 'G' resembled a trout and there were sweat marks on her polo with the little bird on the breast.

When they had gone Alice popped back up and he looked at her questioningly.

"I didn't want to talk to them," she explained.

"Are they in your class?"

" They're on the yearbook committee," she replied.

"Then why wouldn't you talk to them?"

"We're not friends, Edward. God you're so insensitive sometimes."

"Sorry," he murmured. But it was too late.

Alice was quiet until he dropped her off to meet Carlisle and Esme for dinner. He drove home and spent his Saturday night in his room. There was work to be done.

He rooted out his old iPod and plugged it in to his laptop, remembering when he and Emmett queued outside the Apple store to buy it on the day this version was released. That was a good day. His brother accidentally stood on his the very next morning, crushed it and went back to getting Edward to burn him cd's.

Edward was on his second newer model. One had been the victim of a childish temper tantrum. The other idled in his dock, only occasionally listened to.

But this first one, that was special. It was scratched and full of his fingerprints. It displayed his most played songs. It kept him company through runs and homework and flights and loneliness.

He had decided to give it to Bella.

He hoped it wouldn't offend her obviously proud nature. But it didn't cost anything and her ancient cd player had gotten broken. It was a thoughtful, practical gift. But more than that it was a gesture. It was almost a part of him given to her. He wanted to share with her and enlighten her and make her think of him when she listened to it.

It wasn't much. Except that it was.

He intended to hand it over with only a few modifications, like deleting the _Halo_ theme song. But since it was abandoned for the last while, he just had to add some newer tracks. Then there were those old songs he recently discovered. They had to go on it. He wondered about Bella's musical taste and decided to add some of the tunes he rolled his eyes at but Esme and Alice loved.

Edward was thinking about flowers; about the man in the graveyard and the woman with the roses and the case in mall. Maybe he should have bought some as a token of affection. Maybe she would think it was ridiculous to have roses in her little room. Maybe they would have brightened it up. But what about vases? What about when they withered and died?

He smiled broadly when he came up with an even better idea and threw himself into the project with gusto. He took breaks to eat, to run, to call Emmett and to sleep a little bit. But the majority of the rest of the weekend was spent creating a varied but carefully selected playlist entitled '_Flowers for Bella' _which comprised of seventy seven songs ranging from classical to pop to country.

The next thing he knew it was Monday morning and Bella was smiling brightly at him in the train station.

"Brr," She shivered and stamped her feet. "It's getting cold."

"Good morning to you too," he said lightly, handling her the coffee he had bought.

"Thanks." She smiled and wrapped her delicate hands around the paper cup for warmth.

"How was your weekend?" Edward asked.

"Fine." She shrugged. "Work. Study. Trying hard not to die of boredom."

"The usual."

They made their way to the bench, comfortable in each others company. The revelations made the week before were significant to both of them and had resulted in a _détente _of sorts. Insecurity had been replaced by acceptance. It felt nice.

"I got you something." Edward blurted out when they sat down. He had planned a smoother intro than that but enthusiasm had wiped it from memory.

"The coffee? It's really good." Bella replied.

"No. Not the coffee."

"What then?" Confusion was clear in her voice and wrinkled across her forehead, spelled out in two deep grooves.

"A present." Edward continued. "And before social propriety makes you say you can't accept it, hear me out. It didn't cost me anything. I badly want to give it to you considering I'm partly responsible for the destruction of what you had before. "

"What is it?" Bella's voice was still wary but tinged with curiosity.

Edward pulled out the gift and placed it on the bench between them. He waited patiently for Bella to reach out and take it.

"And iPod?" she said, hesitantly.

Edward's first instinct was to say duh, but the slight wonder in her eyes and the smile on her lips stopped him. Then her face fell.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I don't have a computer here," she explained sadly. "I won't be able to put any songs on it."

Edward shifted closer to Bella and flicked on the device with it still in her soft hands. He loved that she didn't flinch away from him.

"It's my old one," he told her. "So there are already plenty of songs on there. Ones I hope you like, by the way. And I brought an adaptor for you to charge it and headphones so you're all set."

Bella didn't answer. She was too busy scrolling through the songs and smiling when she spotted a song she recognised. He waited for her to come across the playlist and when she did a blinding grin replaced the small smile on her lips.

"Wow!" She giggled. "For me?"

"Just a little something." Edward mumbled, trying to downplay it.

"Amazing…" she murmured, reading the list. "Better than ratty roses any day."

"Do you like it?" asked Edward almost shyly.

"I love it," she replied.

He knew from the genuine light in her eyes that she did.

"Are you sure though? Maybe you might need this sometime. A spare or something." Bella asked.

"Yes. I'm sure. No. I won't need it." Edward said firmly. "Please accept this. I _want _to give it to you."

It was all he could give her.

"Thank you," she said quietly, her words almost drowned out by the roar of an incoming train. "For the gift. And thanks for not treating me any differently now you know more about me."

"You're very welcome," Edward replied sincerely and gently squeezed her hand.

He wasn't sure but he suspected those were unshed tears he saw glistening in her deep brown eyes.

They lingered in the station as long as possible that morning and made firm arrangements to meet the following evening. In addition to the iPod, Edward also gave Bella his phone number and didn't push when she admitted embarrassedly that she didn't have a phone. She did give him her e-mail address, the name of the restaurant and the exact location of her residence, all written carefully and messily on a folded piece of white paper.

The following evening he strolled into the dense crowd, happy and anxious to be seeing Bella again. It was easy to spot her. Partly because she was on their usual bench. Mainly because she was wearing a thick purple knitted hat on her head.

"Nice hat," he commented as he approached, giving it a playful tweak.

Bella's head snapped up and she slammed her notebook shut. Her cheeks were red and so adorable.

"Thanks," she said casually. "I mentioned to my boss yesterday that I was cold. Today she gives me a hat she knitted herself. I think it's rather fetching."

"You look beautiful." Edward answered, completely serious and totally impulsive.

Bella blinked and jumped up off the bench as if the timber had suddenly caught aflame.

"Wait here," she said, abrupt and stuttery, "I'm in the mood for hot chocolate. I'll get us some."

She dashed off and Edward stifled a laugh. He thought she seemed to be skipping through the manic crowd.

A breeze whipped through the concourse and ruffled the notebook that Bella had hastily abandoned on the bench. A page fell open and at the sight of his name, Edward could not resist sneaking a peak.

_Hey Mom,_

_I guess you haven't been getting my e-mails so I figured I would try do things the old -fashioned way. I remember what you said about Mrs. Dwyer (Phil's Mom, not you) forwarding the mail so I'll try get her to pass this on._

_I hope everything is okay. I suppose I would have heard from you if you needed anything. I guess you're just busy with Phil. Oh, tell him hi from me. And that he was right about that pizza place._

_I hope you weren't worried or anything. I mean, if I look at some of the earlier emails I sent you I might seem a little down._

_But really, I'm fine. _

_You should see the campus here. It's such a pity you didn't make it out for the tour last year. But anyway, it's so pretty and eclectic. Some of the buildings are really old and they've got this ivy growing on the stonework and it's so weird to think of all these thousands of people that have walked here and learned here before me. And then some of the buildings are so new and shiny and modern, it's like something from another planet._

_Remember that 5 star boutique hotel we looked at for your wedding but knew we couldn't afford it? Well the science building is exactly like that. It's weird._

_Classes are pretty cool. Overwhelming sometimes. I'm taking lots of English stuff. I even got the highest grade in one of my classes!! (remember when I was little and you used to pin all my tests on the fridge with those cereal box magnets?) And I'm taking philosophy and women's studies and political theory and it's all so interesting._

_I'm struggling a little with math. Nothing new there right? But I might be getting some help so hopefully I'll get my grade back up soon._

_And I got a job! I didn't think anyone would want to hire me but the Emily, the lady who owns the restaurant is really nice. She lets me work around classes and I eat there most days so that saves on money. She seems to like looking after people. I think maybe she's hoping to have a baby and she's just got all this nurturing in her with no outlet._

_She wanted to me to be a waitress - they make more money. But you know how clutzy I am. I'd probably spill soup in someone's lap. Besides I like having my evenings free. _

_So I work in the kitchen mostly. I miss cooking so it's pretty cool to help, even though all I really do is chop parsley and whip cream and do some cleaning. _

_The other people in the kitchen are kinda cliquey. They are almost all foreign, Polish I think. I'm not even sure if they have green cards. They speak their own language all the time and it's hard not to feel left out. It's such a strange sounding language. All harsh and guttural. Remember in Phoenix when we used to buy knock off purses? And that time we went to Chinatown and had the best dim sum ever and it was like being in another world? I kinda feel like that sometimes._

_But work is work right? And I'm saving hard for next semester. I did tell you about the scholarship thing right? You must not have seen the email, I'm sure you would have gotten back to me if you did. Don't worry though. I'm fine. Things will work out._

_The noise in the house isn't so bad now. Social Services took the baby off that girl who had her kid hidden in her room. Imagine not even telling anyone you were pregnant. His name was Nahuel, isn't that unusual? He has the biggest brown eyes that stared and stared. I guess his new family will give him a new name. His mom is pretty young and I think maybe the kid's dad took advantage of her. She's gone to a foster home too and her bruises had mostly faded when she left._

_So his crying doesn't keep me awake anymore. _

_I did tell you about how my CD player broke right? I dropped it, so I couldn't listen to it anymore to block out the noise. The girl below me is going through withdrawals and the tracks…well you can imagine the din of the train going by every five minutes._

_I used to listen to that Joni Mitchell CD…shoot, now you know you I stole it before I left. I remember you and Phil danced to that song at your wedding. I remember when we used to sing in the car and you never laughed at the way I sound like a dying cat when I sing. I remember that Christmas we stayed in our pyjamas all day and watched Love Actually and cried and cried…_

_But it's broken now._

_It's okay though because I got an iPod. I know, I know…about freakin time. The rest of the word has had one for years. _

_It's second-hand. Well it was a gift actually but it's still really cool and in good condition. There are precisely four thousand, three hundred and seventy two songs on it. Some that I love and a bunch more I've never even heard of. It's such a treat to turn it on and not know what will come up or whether or not I will like it. It's enlightening almost._

_That's what made me write this letter actually…_

_It's kind of silly, a bit of an inside joke. There's this play list with all these rose songs, well lots of flowers but mostly roses. And it makes me smile to listen to it. And remember that old country song about the rose garden? We used to sing it when we washed the dishes and the neighbour's dog used to bark along. And it's true you know, about life not being perfect._

_But it made me think of you. When Edward asked me if I missed you, I lied to him. I told him no._

_Did I tell you about him? See, I met this boy. His name his Edward. He's the one who gave me the iPod. I bet wherever you are you're squealing when you read this. I bet you're thinking about freakin' time. _

_I've never felt like this before. It's exciting and exhilarating and honestly, I'm a little scared. No-one has ever looked at me like he does. Or listened to me. Or made me think about things, important things. He makes me feel like the only girl in the world._

_You should see him. Picture the best looking person you could imagine and multiply it by infinity. He's got these green eyes. Not an ordinary green. Special. I want to say emerald or forest or something but I feel like a bad romance writer. There's this tiny fleck of gold in one - it reminds me of that shamrock pin Grandma had. _

_His hair is always a little messy and this unusual copper-brown colour. I want to run my hands through it every time I see him. God, I sound pathetic but it's true._

_He's tall and beautiful and intelligent and troubled and intense and I don't know what he sees in a girl like me. _

_But he does see me and that's the important thing. There's something between us. I can tell. He's important in my life. _

_I can tell he wants to look after me and for the first time ever, well, I'm considering letting him. Would that be so bad? I don't _need _his help but maybe it would be nice. _

_He is…reserved. Withdrawn. I worry about him, about his happiness. I worry that there are circles under his eyes and he's always at least a little bit tense. When he's not with me, I want him to be. I want his arms around me and his body keeping me warm. I want to meet his family and cook for him. I want to give him my first kiss, my first everything. _

_I'm waiting for him now actually. We're going to drink coffee and do the Times crossword puzzle and maybe even finish it. We'll talk about our days - mundane, interesting, work, blah blah blah…It doesn't matter because it will be _us.

_I've been thinking about what you told me after your first date with Phil. "I just know. He's right for me. When you know, you know."_

_When I look at him, I think I know._

_GAH! I don't even know why I'm still writing. He'll be here any minute. _

_I know I'll never send this. But it's good to get things off my chest. I miss having someone to talk to. _

_I love you, Mom. I understand that you need to do your thing with Phil. You sacrificed your youth for me. I'm all grown up now._

_But I can't help but miss you, _

_Bella._

Edward should have felt terribly intrusive as he hastily flipped the notebook over and returned it to it's original position just in time for Bella to re-join him. He had the strangest lump in his throat and a feeling of understanding in his bones as he thought about the words he had just read. And despite all logic and the lessons of his upbringing, he did not feel even the slightest bit guilty for reading the private letter. Now that he knew, he could react accordingly.

He took one last glance at the dog-eared notebook and knew that he and Bella were on the same page.

She was seemingly oblivious to his snooping as she handed him the hot drink with a smile. With a genuine thanks, he accepted it from her and she settled back in beside him.

Edward took a small sip and warmth flooded his body - not from the drink but from the soft way Bella's skin brushed against his.

Before she had gone to fetch the drinks, Edward had rested his arm on the back of the bench. Upon Bella's return he moved so that his arm was draped around her shoulder. She hesitated slightly until Edward pulled her closer. He then felt her relax against him - cuddled up on the hard bench and it was wonderful.

And even though he was fairly sure she wouldn't feel the pressure through her ridiculous woollen hat, Edward couldn't resist pressing a soft kiss onto the top of her head.

* * *

Thanks for reading! And thanks to everyone who's been reviewing. I know irregular updates are annoying. I know this isn't the most exciting fic out there. So it makes me really happy when I get such positive feedback from everybody.

As a result of research (or procrastination) I am now the proud owner of my very own flower playlist. It was fun finding songs though I really didn't mention any directly. And guesses as to what some were?

And the letter? Total laziness on my part or insightful? I just kept coming back to that format.

And if you have time and/or inclination you might want to check out **This Weekend, **my latest AH story that I've been having fun with. It's lighthearted and updated far more frequently than this.

Thanks again! Don't forget to review!


	11. Chapter 11

-

Bella had written those words - the ones she never intended to share - and meant every single one. She wasn't about to give in and be miserable. The decision was made. She was going to be strong and brave and capable and _happy. _And if Edward was going to be able to help her achieve that, well she wasn't about to let him go. She couldn't imagine anyone else would look at her that way he did or make her feel the way he did. That combination of content and giddy - the one she wished she could bottle and keep. Who wouldn't want to feel that way?

The sound of his voice was a soothing lullaby, and though she couldn't fulfill her wish of recording the mesmerising tones to play on her beloved hand-me-down iPod and use it to shut out the noise from the rest of the world , it lived in her internal playlist and she listened more often that she would like to admit.

The memory of his delicious smell - that mix of musky city and fresh suburb and clean showers - was as strong as if it had been absorbed onto a piece of cloth in her pocket.

And the feel of him; that safe and sound pressure of his arm around her shoulder, well she didn't want the replica or the memory. Bella wanted the real thing and it filled her dreams and fantasies as she lay in the dark on her narrow lumpy bed. Unfortunately, they weren't enough to alleviate the sting of the loose spring that had made it's home wedged into her back.

The best thing in her life were those shared moments in the train station and felt that it was the same for Edward. There was no mistaking the light in his eyes and the warmth in his voice during those encounters. It was as if they were the only people in the place. As clichéd as it sounds, the world and all it's hardships drifted away until there was nothing left but Edward and the way he made her feel.

Bella didn't want anything more than his company; the formality of a date would have made her uncomfortable. What would she wear? Who would pay? No, she didn't know how to be herself in those circumstances and hat was the point in him falling for a lie? She was happy with the routine they had fallen into - these carefully scheduled and highly anticipated meetings in the manic station.

There was no pretension or barriers, nothing to stop them being anything but themselves. Their talks were honest and raw. Jokes were spontaneous. Touches were given because they wanted to, not because it seemed to be conventional.

And even in silence, or in the light heartedness of their crossword puzzles, there was always the spark of something _more. _A balance was struck - Edward was the master of the cryptic clue, Bella rocked at general knowledge. They both detested suduko. He would make little references to the future - things they might do and the way his sister would act if she met her. She was fairly certain he was exaggerating about Alice, but there was something in the gently indulgent way he spoke about her, that warmed Bella's heart. So she told him that she couldn't wait to meet her and a joyous smile intensified the beauty of his rugged features.

The days passed that way and they soon turned into weeks. Winter forced itself upon them with an inconvenient habit of there not being enough hours in the day, not enough sunlight. They still found time for those cherished moments, the little things that broke the monotony and made it worthwhile.

Bella _lived _for them.

Edward was working hard. The treatment centre was looking to secure approval for some clinical trial so it was all hands on deck. He told Bella, with scorn and dismissal in his voice, that he mainly made coffee, ran errands and filed paperwork but she could tell he was enjoying the sense of purpose.

Bella was swamped with college work and hours at the restaurant and it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep on top of things. She viewed this as a good thing. It made her appreciate the Edward filled interludes all the more and there wasn't too much time to dwell on the negatives, which still existed in their multitudes.

She wouldn't focus on them. The lack of contact from her family or her struggles in her mandatory math class. Edward had made good on his promise to help her but neither of them could concentrate with all the noise and bustle around them. After a little while, they went back to talking about their favourite cartoons. A promise was made, to meet and do this in the library whenever they were both free, but they had yet to fulfil it. The day after the failed tutoring attempt, Bella had looked in her bag and found the completed worksheet and a note from Edward.

These were the good things worth focusing on. Good was unexpected gestures and saving money and hand-knitted winter gloves and hot chocolate on the bench with Edward. Great was the times when he opened up to her and made her laugh and she could see him relax in front of her eyes.

There were times when he felt almost too good. He never pressured, never intruded and while she did worry that it was his own demons holding him back, she appreciated the quiet comfort of him just being there. He made her feel special and at times, maybe even loved.

The temperature dropped steadily as Winter intensified. On more than one occasion, Bella had shivered through their time together, her light coat wrapped tightly around her. It was the perfect excuse for Edward to hold her even closer. Hell, it was almost worth the discomfort. But the times her teeth chattered as she walked home from work at night…they were not so good. He noticed her suffering; she got the impression he noticed everything. Bella felt his eyes assess her clothes and in that moment she wanted to burn his stupid wool coat.

The next morning that they saw each other - a blustery dawn that sent people and papers scattering through the station concourse - he was carrying a glossy carrier bag from a large department store. It was unlike him to carry even a laptop case, he didn't like the hassle, and curiosity made him ask what it was.

"Oh this," Edward said dismissively. "Esme bought it for Alice but it's a bit too big for the munchkin. She asked me to return it and get the smaller size."

"Oh," Bella echoed. _How nice to have that luxury. _She quickly squashed that thought before it turned jealous and bitter.

Edward was still carrying the bag that evening when they met up.

"Did you forget to run your errand?" she asked.

"No." He shook his head and feigned irritation. "The store won't give refunds on sale items and they didn't have an extra-small. We're stuck with it."

"Couldn't you have picked out something else for your sister?"

"I wouldn't even know where to start. Alice's taste is as changeable as the weather…" he trailed off. "This is probably your size. Try it on and see."

Bella didn't know how to reply to that. She began to shake her head but Edward ignored her. With confidant hands, he unzipped her worn jacket and pushed it off her shoulders. He pulled the new one from the bag, tags still dangled from the cuff. She did not move to take it and so, Edward took one cold hand in his and placed it into the sleeve. She felt like a child and in one way it frustrated her. In another way she very much liked the feeling of being taken care of. Bella let him pull the coat up her arm, along her back and she slipped her other arm in herself. His long fingers were steady but his breath was shaky as he buttoned it closed, thigh to chest.

"It suits you," he said as he stepped backwards.

She glanced down and saw that he was right. The coat looked smart and warm and luxurious, the kind of thing she would have fingered longingly in a store. The fabric was soft and rich and the colour warmed her pale complexion.

"Does it really?"

"You know it does," Edward teased.

Bella blushed and went to unbutton it before she got too attached.

"Don't." His hands stilled hers. "Keep it."

"I can't -" Her attempt at protesting was valiant but a little half-hearted. It fell on deaf ears.

"Otherwise it will end up at the bottom of Alice's closet. It's be a shame to let it go to waste. And if you say you don't like it, I'll tell Alice you insulted her taste and she'll hunt you down."

Bella smiled at his arguments, distracted by the fact he hadn't let go of her hand.

"But-"

"No buts." Edward ripped off the price tag off. She was a tad relieved, it was easier to accept if she didn't know the cost. "It's yours now. And you look gorgeous in it."

She blushed and looked down, admiring her much needed acquisition.

"Thank you."

Her words of gratitude were quiet and sincere and directed at much more than the coat itself. She knew as well as he did, that the excuse about Alice was a lie.

Bella was at work the following evening, in the place that felt more like home than her place of residence. The restaurant was homely and affordable, frequented by local working people who wanted home cooked food without the hassle of actually cooking. The menu was varied enough to appeal to the diverse range of ethnicities in the area. Haute cuisine was not in high demand here.

A married couple, Sam and Emily, owned and ran it. He had seemed scary at first but Bella soon learned his bark was worse than his bite. He wasn't fully confident in speaking English, though she could understand him fine, and she attributed that as the reason for his abrupt demeanour. Emily was warm and charitable, a mother to anyone who would let her.

She had told Bella how her and Sam emigrated to the US in the aftermath of the Balkan wars. He was a conscripted soldier, called to do his mandatory duty just days after their wedding, and while he was away a mortar bombs struck their village. A piece of shrapnel embedded into her stomach and her face suffered from severe burns. To be alive at all, was a miracle and she had the scars to prove it. She would never be able to bear children.

As soon as Sam heard the news he went AWOL and returned home to her. Once she was well enough they fled to the US on the grounds of political asylum. He still harboured misplaced guilt over his involvement in the war and returning to what was left of the home country was not an option.

Once settled in the city, they opened the restaurant and were not shy about hiring illegal workers or taking needy college girls into the fold. When the kitchen got hot and steamy, Emily's scars would grow itchy and uncomfortable but Bella never once heard her complain. She had taken to confiding in her, glad to have a substitute maternal figure, and told her about Edward and the coat before dinner rush that evening.

"Listen child," Emily said in thickly accented English. "You no need wealth to show gratitude. Come. I show you how make cake to cause any man to fall in love. In my village boys queued up for it. This cake make him worship ground you walk on. "

"I don't want to make him fall in love with me," Bella lied. "I just want to say thanks."

"Just thanks?" Emily raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Pssht. I suppose it work for that too."

Laughing and talking companionably, the two women made a rich chocolate _Garash _cake and Bella felt a little smug when her boss ordered the other workers to do her duties for the rest of her shift. Emily packed it into a colourful tin and wiped a smudge of chocolate off Bella's cheek before sending her off.

Bella walked toward the station with a spring in her step.

-

The celebration was in full swing and though the work day was over, it showed no sign of slowing down. The approval had been granted and the funding secured and Edward couldn't help but get caught up in the jovial atmosphere a little. Emmett's high school graduation party was the last time he'd been part of something so frivolous. He was still immensely more reserved that the rest of his colleagues.

But he did enjoy it, for a little while. The hard work and long hours had paid off and it was nice to be included. To be slapped on the back and have achieved something and for that senior doctor who only ever referred to him as Carlisle's kid to finally call him Edward.

Cigars were passed around and Glenfiddich was decanted from Waterford Crystal and Edward's thoughts kept drifting to their usual location - Bella.

He was missing her. The quiet way her voice carried over the din of the station. The way her smile lit up her face and made him react. How the soft brush of her skin sent tingles and ripples and stirrings all through his body.

He worried too - that she was working too hard and had dark circles under eyes and refused to acknowledge her hardships.

He thought about the pride and humility and gratitude in her expression when she accepted the coat from him. He wanted to do so much more and was already making plans for the future. Like Bella had said in her unsent letter…he knew. He just needed some time.

A glance at the clock from his seat in the corner sent him barrelling towards the door. How had he not realised the time? He pushed his way through the assembled crew of doctors and nerds and secretaries, ignoring the strange looks thrown his way.

Edward rushed through the streets, his mind going a mile a minute. It was time to emerge from the confines of the station. Time to go out. Nowhere fancy, mind you, they wouldn't be dressed for it and he didn't want to make Bella feel uncomfortable. They would go to one of those college hangouts that the interns at work mentioned. Somewhere casual and fun, where they'd talk above the strains of whiny rock songs and eat some greasy food. Maybe share and appetiser and have a beer or two if the place wasn't strict. That thought made him regret not paying better attention to Newton's ramblings about the best pick up joints. They would play some darts; he'd teach her if need be and that brought up a whole new realm of possibilities.

But mostly he would just enjoy her company and soak up the atmosphere. She worked too hard and never mentioned much about the social side of college. It would be good for her to interact more with her peers. She would enjoy it.  
Perhaps he would too.

All the years of morning jogs, of pushing himself through the darkest mornings and harshest weather conditions, were finally paying off. He made it from work to the station in under seven minutes. The sky was dark and heavy with clouds and the air was still. By the time he got to the station, rush hour had died down and it was almost deserted. _Please God, let her still be here._

Edward took the familiar route to their bench. In the distance he could see a figure on the bench and rejoiced. Another step and he realised she was not alone. Two men, loomed over Bella. She cowered small and alone as one stood behind her and the other touched her ponytail.

The half jog he had began in his haste to see her became a full on sprint, his footsteps slipping and sliding on the recently mopped tiles.

"Hey!" he shouted, just for something to do. The shout died in the rumble of an incoming train.

Bella was struggling, reaching for something in her bag and raising her chin defiantly. He could not hear what she said but saw the men tense in reaction. One grabbed her arm, leaned over and Edward ran faster. The pillar was blocking his view.

Then they ran off, towards the waiting train and it pulled away just as he reached the bench. It would have been pointless for him to chase after the excuses for men, they were gone and he was outnumbered and couldn't afford to get into trouble again, but his instincts still screamed at him to hunt them down.

But one look at Bella and he knew he would not be able to leave her side. Her body was trembling and her eyes were blank. A glob of saliva dripped on the side of her face.

"I waited," she said. "I waited for you."

* * *

_Thanks for reading! And thanks again for all the kind and helpful reviews for the last chapter. I appreciate them all more than I can say. Apologies for any typos/mistakes above.  
I'm hoping you all will be as forthcoming in your thoughts on this chapter.  
_


	12. Chapter 12

-

"I'm here." Edward replied, voice choking with emotion.. "I'm here now. I'm sorry I'm late. I got held up."

"That's alright." Bella's voice and eyes were oddly blank. "You weren't to know."

He crouched in front of her, instinct telling him not to make any sudden movements. She sat perfectly still, wringing her hands in her lap.

"What happened? Are you hurt? Tell me you're okay," Edward begged. His concern was genuine and he feared for her welfare. He was also deathly afraid of how much the prospect of Bella being injured worried him. It didn't even bear thinking about.

"I'm fine."

His eyes searched hers for indication that this was the truth. All he saw was sadness. It felt incredibly wrong, invasive - almost voyeuristic- but his eyes were drawn to the slimy drop of spit snail-trailing by her ear. His stomach turned.

Bella's white face developed splotches of red and her hands flew upwards. He caught them; she shouldn't have to have to touch that. They were shaking, cold and fragile in his and he wondered where he gloves were. Edward - the privileged boy who hated dirt and mess - used his cuff to gently wipe her face clean. Tears spilled from her eyes and gave a waxy shine to her cheeks.

"Bella, what happened?"

She did not answer and Edward didn't know what to do. He felt quite useless and the urge to call his father for advice was strong. A gaggle of girls skitted past, all giggling and dressed up, and Bella jumped at the noise. Another train had pulled in and several alighting passengers cast curious looks their way. He watched as Bella retreated back into herself and could not let that happen. They had come too far, baby steps of progress that were giant to them, to let it go to waste.

He straightened up, stood to full height as if his size could protect her slight body. He gathered her belonging in one arm and then extended his hand to her. She took it and Edward guided her across the concourse. The disabled bathroom, tucked away in the corner of the station, was their intended location.

He pulled her inside because he wanted her to have privacy and there was no where else for them to go. The click of the lock seemed loud, bouncing against grimy tiles. The distinct odour of urine was only barely concealed by lemon scented disinfectant. Bella backed into the furthest corner of the bathroom and perched on a handrail. She wrapped her arms tight around her stomach.

Still, she said nothing.

Edward grabbed some paper towels, brown and rough like greaseproof paper, and placed then under the cold faucet. As gently as possible, he wiped away the tears on Bella's face and hopefully the pain. His movements were careful. The last ting he wanted was to let his anger show.

She took the towel from him and scrubbed more vigorously until her face was red and shiny. He let her have her moment and then he crumpled the towel into a ball and tossed it in the toilet. He used his elbow to lower the seat and sat facing Bella. The desire to wash his hands was very strong but it did not seem like the right thing to do.

A mumbled sound came from Bella, too low for him to make out. He asked her to repeat it.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"What on earth are you apologising for?"

Shock made that statement sharper than intended. Immediately, Edward scolded himself and waited for Bella to flinch, to react to the sting of his words. She did not.

"For messing up. For being stupid and getting in over my head. For this-" She gestured vaguely at herself and the dingy toilet.

"Bella," He said her name like a caress. She needed softness. " You have _nothing_ to apologize for. Shit happens."

"Yeah." She let out a short laugh, bitter and maniacal. "It always happens to _me."_

Edward half expected her to stamp her foot or stick out her tongue, such was the petulance of that statement. He was used to his sister exhibiting displays of childishness but not Bella. This was a rarity for her.

"Bella-" he began.

"Stop saying my name like that please."

"Like what?"

"Like a hostage negotiator. Or a criminal psychologist. You're not talking me down here."

Embarrassment coloured his cheeks. Edward knew well of his tendency to patronise sometimes and while it was something he'd been trying to work on lately, he cared more about Bella's well-being right now than his own shortcomings. He leaned closer, trying to get an accurate read on her expression. She would play it down; he needed to know the truth.

"What happened?"

"It was nothing really. It was my fault."

"I find that hard to believe," he replied.

Bella twisted her fingers and looked at the ground.

"I was just sitting there as normal. Waiting. I was actually running late myself you know. I got a little distracted in work -"

"Me too," he interrupted.

"Doesn't really matter now does it?"

"Guess not."

"So I thought maybe I had missed you. Maybe I was too late. Maybe I got our schedules mixed up -"

"I wouldn't let that happen." He needed to make that clear. Bella smiled then, and stopped wringing her hands.

"Do you want me to tell you or not?" she teased. Edward made a show of zipping his lips closed. "So those two guys came along and I could see them look at me but I just kept my head down. I mean, they looked harmless enough so I figured ignoring them is the best thing to do. They started talking to me, calling me honey and stupid names like that but I didn't answer. The iPod makes it easy to pretend to ignore people. And that went on for a little while and they got angrier and closer. I could smell alcohol, so they must have been kinda drunk. But anyway…" She shook her head as if to clear it. "One of them yanked my earbud out and they started saying things about me thinking I was too good for them. And that's not true 'cos I know I'm not too good for anyone. But I knew you'd come, so I told them I was waiting for my boyfriend. " She hesitated and flushed at the word.

"Go on," Edward urged. He liked that she used it.

"Sorry. I just wanted them to leave me alone. I hope you don't mind me saying that."

"Of course I don't. It was a horrible situation for you."

"Um…right. So they laughed again, this ugly cackling sound, and I felt so small. The taller one made a comment about me, that I was a liar and the only way I'd have a man is if he was paying me."

Anger surged in Edward's chest and he tensed, jaw and fists clenched shut.

"And I just got so damn mad; so sick of…everything. The other one was touching my hair like I was some kind of pet. I snapped; I said that even a whore wouldn't want a cretin like him and that's when he, you know." She gestured to her face.

Through his anger, Edward couldn't help but admire her attitude. Bella was not the shrinking violet he had imagined her to be.

"And I couldn't find my pepper spray," she continued. "And I was afraid they'd do something to my stuff. When you haven't got a lot, this becomes important you know? I didn't really think they'd hurt me but still, I was afraid they would. But then you came and they left. And you were here and I knew it would be alright."

She looked at him, eyes shining wet through her lashes, and he was struck by the hope and trust her saw there. She thought so highly of him. She believed in him. This was worth more than any pathetic achievements in work. He couldn't remember anyone having such faith in him and it made him feel twenty feet tall.

But she was damn stupid in her way of showing it.

"Bella." He struggled to keep his voice steady. "You could have been hurt or worse. If anything like that happens again, I want you to run. I want you to leave, go get help. Call me but don't put yourself in danger."

"But…I wanted to wait. I knew you would come." Her tone wavered between certain and doubtful.

"I -" He sighed. "I would have waited too."

Edward looked into her eyes for a long moment, taking in their warmth. Her lips were turned down slightly but still full and oh so inviting. Her face was scrubbed clean and shiny and so naturally beautiful it made him feel ugly in comparison. But she looked back at him, clearly liking what she saw and that stirred something within his soul. Bella made him feel wanted and needed and capable and it was wonderful. He wanted to act on it; to show her what she did to him.

But not like this. She deserved so much better than this.

"Are sure you're not hurt at all?" He broke the silence. "You could be in shock. My father's a doctor. We could go see him and he'll check you over. He'll probably just say you need some rest, someone to look after you. My mother always makes too much food and we've got plenty of room and I could take you home, if that's what you need."

"That's not necessary," Bella answered, slowly shaking her head. What happened to her letting him take care of her?

"It's no trouble, honestly," he insisted. "I'd like to-"

A loud rap on the door cut them off. _"Hey! That bathroom is reserved for disabled people. Only one person at a time. Out! Now!" _

Startled, Edward jumped up and began to gather Bella's stuff. He helped place her backpack on her shoulders, just to be closer to her. They exited the toilet, heads down and matching pink-tinged cheeks. Bella ignored the disapproving looks the custodian was throwing their way. Edward erased his sheepish expression to give the outraged man a wink.

"Edward!" Bella chastised him with a light slap on the arm. He worried he had offended her, considering the remark she had received earlier in the night, but a look of amusement played on her face. He mentally thanked his brother for teaching that making light of a bad situation could be highly effective.

"I'm not sorry," he said and he meant it. "I just wanted to see you smile again."

"Well you should be," Bella said. "He thinks we were doing…God knows what he thinks."

"Do you care?"

"Not really," she admitted, seeming puzzled and proud. She shuffled awkwardly on the spot and glanced at the clock. This was outside all established comfort zones.

"I'll walk you home," Edward stated. If she wouldn't come home with him, this was the only way he would get any peace of mind.

"There's no need. It's right around the corner," Bella answered quickly. "You'll only be going out of your way."

"If it's right around the corner, then it's hardly a big deal," he countered.

She still resisted and he was afraid shame made her do it. Time for a different approach.

"Please." There was unmistakable sincerity in his voice. "I want to make sure you're safe."

"Okay." She relented and Edward walked her home, shoulders touching and silent but for the perpetual buzz of the city streets.

The building was painted too brightly, as if cheery colours could distract from locked windows and broken roof tiles. The name of the establishment hung proudly above the door inside a brass half sun.. It was meant to be a beacon but it felt more like those black ribbons people sometimes hung on doors after a death occurred. The heavy beat of hiphop music escaped through the open door. Two teens, faces concealed by hoods and heavy gold earrings glinting on their shoulders and , smoked cigarettes on the step and made no effort to hide their blatant gawking.

"This is my stop," Bella joked. "Thanks for walking me back."

"No problem."

They lingered on the pavement, unwilling to move but unable to articulate that.

"Well, I better go in. Thanks for…" She trailed off. "Just thanks."

"Anytime."

"Goodnight, Edward."

"Goodnight, Bella. I'll see you in the morning."

He watched her walk into that dreadful place and felt like she took a piece of him with her. His feet were heavy as he walked away. Two steps and he stopped and looked back. He had to go on; took three steps. Two more and he couldn't go any further. He whirled around with his mouth full of unsaid words and ran back towards Bella

To his surprise, she came hurtling out the door of the building.

"Edward! Wait!" She stopped abruptly and wrinkled her nose. "You came back?"

"I forgot to tell you something."

"What?"

"When you were talking about those creeps in the station. I forgot to tell you that they were wrong. You _are _too good for those bastards. And you're too good for all of this shit and when it comes down to it, you're too damn good for me. I handled this whole thing wrong and I'm sorry. I do that all the time. I should never have put you in that position and I'm sorrier than I can say and -"

"Edward?"

"Yeah?" he replied, hands in his hair and a little stunned by his outburst.

"Are you done?"

"Yeah."

"Please don't be sorry for something over which you had no control. That attitude will really mess a person up. But thank you for saying those other things. Sometimes I forget…" she trailed off, as she often did.

"You're _so _good, Bella," Edward told her, voice almost a groan. It was the only truth he knew. She blushed and looked her shoelaces.

"I have something for you," she blurted out and thrust a tin in his direction. "That's why I was calling you."

"For me?" Edward was taken aback. "You didn't have to get me anything."

"I made it. Well, Emily helped but I just wanted to make something for you. To say thanks for the coat and well, everything."

Edward opened the tin as she spoke and was filled with an overwhelming sense of happiness. A lump formed in his throat. The gesture truly touched him.

"You made me a cake?"

"I know it's silly. I just wanted to do something nice and then I forgot and you don't have to pretend to like it." Bella sounded unsure.

"I love it. I'm sure it's delicious." He told her.

"It's Bulgarian," she offered.

"Neat." Edward gave an appreciative nod of his head. He loved when she was odd like that. "How 'bout we spilt this? There's an all night diner a few blocks away where we can get coffee to go with it."

"Okay." Bella beamed at him. Edward grinned stupidly back at her.

The strolled down the street, ignoring the catcalls of Bella's tacky housemates. In the diner, Edward gave her coy smiles over the top of the menu and he charmed the waitress into giving plates, utensils and ice-cream to go with their cake. The look on his face at the first bite was one of utter bliss and he declared it to be the best thing that had ever passed his lips. They drank three mugs of coffee each while Edward made Bella laugh with tales of the mischief he got up to with his brother and sister while growing up. She reciprocated with anecdotes of her mother's whims.

Edward laughed because that Renee sounded pretty damn crazy. Bella's childhood sounded interesting but he also found it a little sad. There was something not quite right about the dynamic but he cast no aspersions towards her mother. After all, Bella didn't know how much he information he had already picked up about from that letter he shouldn't have read.

It was well past midnight, when they finally left the diner and Edward couldn't leave her yet. He suggested they go for a walk and Bella nodded her assent. Her smile looked so content under the glow of the streetlamp. Because it felt right, he took her hand in his and he heard her sigh at the action. The sound was lovely.

The walked through the night aimlessly. Being together was the only point of it. They watched a Spanish guitarist perform on a street corner who could make the strings talk. Edward was impressed by the man's skill though he did his a few bum notes. Bella was enraptured, she had never really heard music like it before. Edward told her about the time his parents brought the family to Barcelona and in his head he pictured rambling down the cobblestones with Bella.

He laughed heartily at Bella's sarcastic observations about the drunks who emerged from the clubs and watering-holes. She was astute and managed to be funny without being cutting. Edward rarely achieved that balance so he just listened to her as she came out of herself with every joke she made.

They talked about everything and nothing. The hours flew by and there wasn't enough time to say all they had to share. He educated her on the Cubs vs. White Sox rivalry and she feigned interest. She told him about her disastrous softball tryouts when she was a kid.

Edward was happier than he could remember. It was a new kind of happy, one he could only imagine achieving through spending the night with Bella. They ambled along until they reached the river. Edward pulled her close as they walked by the water, silent as they took in the expanse and the power of the river. It was a place for reflection. They sat on a bench and watched the way the buildings and the lights and the night sky were mirrored on the surface.

The weight of Bella's head on his shoulder was more comfortable than a pillow. He felt completely at ease. A few barely suppressed yawns were mixed with little sighs as Edward played with her hair. A few minutes later, she fell asleep and she was too peaceful to wake.

He let her sleep, completely content to watch her and enjoy the peace. A certain intimacy came with trusting someone enough to sleep in their presence and Edward felt almost honoured. She believed he could keep her safe. He _needed_ to keep her safe. Though he was tired, he forced his eyes to stay open. He was aware that vulnerability lurked beneath his bravado so he held her and watched her and did his best to keep her warm.

They stayed like that all night.

* * *

_Thanks to all you lovely people who read and review! See, I didn't leave them waiting too long. I'd like to know what you guys think of the chapter. Ever walk around all night like that? _


	13. Chapter 13

-

It was the commotion of an early morning garbage truck that eventually pulled Bella from her slumber. It was steady shrill beeps, the clatter and the sound of the men calling to each other that disturbed Edward's peace. He felt Bella's slender body shift in his arms before she jumped awake with a start. Her eyes were blinking, confused and heavy with sleep, as she looked at him for an answer. He watched her try piece together the reasons for waking up on a bench; complete the jigsaw puzzle and see the pretty picture of the night before. Her mouth formed a plump red circle as realisation dawned on her and it was quite adorable.

" Good morning, sleepy head," Edward said with a smile.

"Morning." Bella's voice was husky and her lips were puffy. She yawned and stretched, raising her arms over her head. Edward almost regretted getting her that coat. The bulky fabric was blocking what was sure to be a spectacular view.

"Did you sleep well?" Edward asked.

"Surprisingly, yes. I did. Must have been the company." She blushed and looked at the ground. "Oh! Did you sleep at all? I'm so sorry to put you out like this -"

"Bella, it's fine. I'm used to it."

"To staying out all night?"

"No!" He never did that. "To not sleeping much."

"Oh." Her nose wrinkled. "Why?"

"I've always had…problems. It's no big deal." He stood and urged Bella to her feet. "Come on. We better get you home."

The cold dawn light was creeping over the horizon. Time to go back to reality. As they ambled through the stirring streets, it was too much for him to take her hand in his. Too real to feel the naked touch of skin on skin. Bella solved that problem by grabbing his unsure hand and clasping her fingers tightly around his. Edward may not have had the nerve to do it himself but he could not refuse her.

A street vendor gave them a knowing look when Edward stopped to buy two coffees. Bella blushed. Edward swelled with pride and told the man to keep the change.

He walked her to that unwelcoming door, pausing to say an unwilling farewell. Her hair was wild around her delicate face. Her eyes looked up at him, calm and hopeful. He ached to close the distance between them and feel her in his arms again. Bella raised their entwined hands in front of face, staring at them like a picture in a gallery. Edward wondered would a kiss on her hand seem like something out of a bad romance movie.

"You have a scar," she murmured, caressing his knuckles with her thumb. "What happened?"

"Nothing." Edward pulled his hand away, trying to be gentle. "Will I see you this evening?"

"Sure. My classes finish early today."

"Okay. I better run if I want to make the first train." He took a small step closer and lowered his voice. "I promise I won't be late." He turned abruptly and walked away, leaving Bella on the sidewalk. He didn't think he could bear watching her walk into that place.

-

In the station, he did not wade or dodge through the crowds of early morning commuters. He strode with confidence. The early ones were always the most ruthless; the hungriest, the ones likely to shove old ladies out of the way. They parted like the Red Sea for him.

The train was mercifully quiet, going in the opposite direction of the madding crowd. A weary mother and her lively child were the only other occupants of the carriage. The boy occupied himself by banging his green plastic cup on the window and nattering on intelligibly. The drumming noise didn't even bother Edward. It would have been an ideal time to nap or just sit back and look out the window. Instead, he just thought about Bella. And might have played a rousing game of peek-a-boo with the chubby-cheeked child.

He drove too fast through the quiet streets. The window let in fresh air and the radio blared. His fingers beat out the rhythm on the steering wheel and his voice was a whisper as he sang along.

Only when he pulled into the driveway, did it occur to him that his family might have been worried. In the garage, he sat in his car and turned on his phone. There were a plethora of messages and calls and they were ruining his good mood. The knock of dainty knuckles on his window made him jump. Alice had her nose pressed to the glass and a dark shadow had fallen over them both. Unbridled expectance covered her expression.

He sighed and got out of the car. Before he could prepare himself for a barrage of questions, he found himself distracted.

"Alice. It's not raining out. We're inside. Would you care to explain the story behind the umbrella?" She had a dainty black umbrella open and resting on her shoulder. Edward couldn't decide if it reminded him more of Mary Poppins or a rifle.

"It's a parasol, not an umbrella," Alice stated. "And would _you _care to explain why you're coming home at dawn."

He ignored that question. "Have you developed an aversion to daylight? Is that why you're using the umb…parasol."

"No. It matches my shoes." Alice looked at him like he was crazy. "And FYI, don't think you can avoid my questions. You made everyone worry. You could have at least called. That's what you have cell phone for, BTW."

"Why are you talking like an tween in her first chat room?" Edward received a withering look for that quip.

"Were you with Bella?" Alice asked.

"Yes."

"Doing what?"

"Trout fishing."

Alice almost looked like she believed him for a moment. "Don't lie to me, Edward. You're clothes are wrinkled and you look tired. " Her eyes widened dramatically. "OMG. You had sex!"

"Alice Cullen," Carlisle's voice rang authoritatively from the steps.. "We've spoken about boundaries. That is none of your business."

"Who else is he going to talk about this stuff? And he's not denying it. Edward totes did it with her."

"Alice, I won't tell you again. Get in the car or you'll be late for school," Carlisle warned. "Edward, you need to go inside and apologise for worrying your mother. I'll talk to you when I get back."

"I can take Alice," Edward offered. Anything but face the music.

"Yes!" Alice exclaimed. " What's in the tin? A memento? I want all the deets."

He was just waiting for her to ask him for the 411.

"No. Put down that umbrella before you get in the car," Carlisle said. He looked pointedly towards the door and Edward trudged towards it. The black car drove away as he found Esme sitting at the kitchen table. Fresh coffee smell hit him and there were several empty cups littered across the counter. Esme still wore her dressing gown and dark circles shadowed her eyes. He immediately felt guilty for disappointing her again.

"Hi," he said, a little sheepishly.

"Edward. How nice of you to join us."

"I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't mean to worry you." He ducked his head and looked at her with his best boyish expression.

"A phone call is all I require Edward. Basic manners to stop me from sitting up all night worrying." There was no anger in her voice.

"I forgot."

"Aren't you going to give me an explanation? We were worried sick. I called your work, your cellphone. Your father had to stop me from calling the police! Where were you?"

"I was with…a friend. They needed some help."

"What friend?" Esme pressed. "Alice said you have a girlfriend. Is that true?"

"Alice doesn't know what she's talking about." He sighed. "Look, Mom, I really am sorry that I worried you, and I'll be more considerate in the future."

"You better be. I do understand that if you were away in college I wouldn't know what you were doing and I'm not asking for details, Edward. Just common courtesy. Especially if this is going to be a regular occurrence."

"It won't," Edward said quickly.

"Do you want breakfast?" Esme asked. "I can make you something?"

"You didn't already cook?" Edward was confused. His mother always made breakfast.

"I wasn't hungry. Until now. I can whip up something."

"I'm okay." He thrust the patterned tin he was still carrying towards his mother. "Here. Have some cake instead."

-

The worn leather of the couch in his room was a comfort to Edward's weary bones. It had been the first purchase Esme and Carlisle had made as a married couple fifteen years ago. The style was dated and the material was cracked in places but Edward loved it regardless. It had been the setting for repeated viewings of The Lion King and his sickbed for two cranky weeks as he recuperated from the chicken pox. In time, they bought a brand new sofa and the leather family friend had been relegated to Carlisle's office and then to a skip. Edward couldn't bear to let it go and he claimed it for his room, where it had lived ever since.

He closed his eyes, just to have a minute to himself, and ignored the itch to go through all the messages clogging up his phone. He couldn't change what was done and listening to the messages wouldn't change anything. But still, he couldn't help but feel he deserved to know how much he had pissed off his family.

He turned his head to the side and a flash of orange caught his eye, neon against black. It was Alice's favourite scarf, ordinarily loved but now strewn carelessly. The ends had been unraveled and loose threads dangled in a large hole. He rubbed his eyes, hating that a bright thing could look so sad.

His phone buzzed and it was a relief to see the name _Emmett _flash on the screen. Edward had been meaning to call him anyway and was pleased to see his name. If there was anyone he felt comfortable talking with, it was his easygoing brother.

"Hey Em," Edward said to greet him.

"Well, look who finally surfaced." There was a hint of disdain in Emmett's voice. "Are you home yet?"

"Yeah, listen have you got a minute to talk?"

"What the fuck were you playing at last night?" Emmett cut him off. "Do you know how worried Mom and Dad were? Is that hard to pick up the phone? After all you've put them through…"

"Wait, they called you and said I wasn't home?"

"No. I called. I do that sometimes you know? Show an interest in the wellbeing of my family. Alice was beside herself with worry."

"It's not my fault that Alice overreacts to everything. She had a fair idea of where I was and I'm not accountable for her hysterics." Edward's eyes were drawn to the tattered scarf beside him.

"No, but you are accountable for your own actions. Pull your head out of your ass and stop being so selfish," Emmett continued to rant "Do you know how hypocritical you sound when you talk about Alice? We're all waiting on tenterhooks for you to grow up and you go around judging the rest of the world. I invited you out here and you refused to come. I ask you to meet Rosalie, even talk on the phone and you won't. She's important and you haven't shown the slightest bit of interest. And did you even look into the campus tours I told you about? No, because you're too damn selfish. It's time you got over yourself."

"I'm not selfish," Edward fumed.

"Maybe you're not a selfish person, Edward. But that's how you act most of the time."

"I try my best, Emmett."

"No, you don't. You say you do, but you don't. You have to participate in life, not just live it," Emmett sounded resigned. "I gotta go. I need to coffee before my class. Call me later okay?"

The dial tone rang in Edwards ear. He let the phone fall out of his hand and it bounced twice on plush carpeting. With a frustrated sigh, he slumped down on the couch with his legs sprawled out, missing the days of being an only child. The bed looked very tempting. If he didn't have things to do that day, Edward would have burrowed under the soft comforter. He closed his eyes again

He never did get to tell Emmett about Bella

-

Two sharp knocks rang out, pulling from the sleepy half-conscious state in which he could control his dreams. Before he could tell whoever it was to go away, Carlisle strolled into the room. Great.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" he asked dryly. Edward was rarely at the receiving end of so much attention.

"Nobody likes a smartarse, Edward." Carlisle batted his legs down off the couch and sat down too. Edward's legs stretched across the carpet, longer than his father's. A year ago, they were roughly the same height. Somewhere along the way, he had passed Carlisle out. To reach down to hug your father just seemed wrong, in Edward's eyes. Awkward. So he no longer bothered.

"I'm serious. You never come up here," he replied, a little disgruntled as he straightened up. He looked at his father's silk tie and perfectly ironed shirt and felt shabby in comparison.

"I'm tired of waiting for you to come to me."

Edward closed his eyes and rested his head on the back of the couch, enjoying the feel of cool leather on his neck. He waited for his father to take his shot.

"Tired?" Carlisle asked.

"Not really. I'm…worn out. I've already had Alice, Esme and Emmett give me an earful."

"I didn't come up here to reprimand you, Edward. Although it is well within my rights to do so. Did you apologise to your mother?"

"Yes."

"Did you tell her where you were?" Carlisle pressed.

"No."

"Are you going to tell me where you were? You used to tell me everything, Edward. Alice claims you've got a girlfriend. Is this true? If you were out all night with a girl, you better had been responsible."

"Dad! I was with my friend. She needed help."

"What kind of help?" Carlisle looked worried.

"She was upset. I didn't want to leave her by herself. That's all there is to it," Edward replied. "And for the record, I'm sorry for worrying you. I'm not sorry for staying out."

"You care about this girl." It was a statement, not a question.

"Yes."

"What is she like?"

"Dad," Edward groaned.

"Come on. It's natural to be curious about the first girl to catch my son's eye."

"She's…beautiful." Edward said, trying to think.

"I asked what she was like, not what she looked like."

"I know. She really is beautiful. Full of life and hope. She's positive and challenging and this light just seems to shine from her eyes and…" Edward trailed off, aware of getting carried away the by the proud smile on Carlisle's face. "She's a student at the university. Her name is Bella."

"How fitting." Carlisle had always been cheesy. That accent helped him get away with it. "I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Emmett and the same thing my father told me. If you want to be a good partner to this girl, you need to be a good person first."

"We just met a few weeks ago, Dad. Partner is a bit of a stretch, don't you think?"

"It's still good advice and you know it." Carlisle smirked and nudged his shoulder. "I have to say, I'm a little relieved that you weren't out with the work crowd all night. I've seen they way some of those nurses and secretaries look at you and I hear there was quite a party last night."

"Oh yes. Drunk nerds. I'm sure it was a riot." They both laughed. "I looked over some of those college brochures and applications…"

"Yes?" There was no mistaking the pleased look on Carlisle's face.

"But none of them really appealed to me."

"Oh." Carlisle's face fell.

"I was thinking of somewhere more local."

"I think that is a brilliant idea. We can look into it this weekend, if you fancy it?" Carlisle said with a smile.

"Why not?" Edward smiled back. "Alice can come too."

"I'm quite sure I was meant to lecture you some more. So remember as long as you live in my house, you follow my rules."

"Yes, sir." Edward gave him a mock salute. His father swatted his hand down.

"And speaking of houses -"

"Can we talk about that later?"

"Fine. You better get ready for work. Don't think you can shirk your responsibilities," Carlisle warned.

"We're allowed go in late. The nerds are all hungover."

"Well perhaps you have a lunch date then."

"Dad." Edward sighed. "I told you it's not like that."

"Whatever way it is, Edward, remember what I told you. If this Bella is as special as you say, then she deserves someone equally special in her life. Take things slow and don't let yourself down." Carlisle ruffled his messy hair and left the room.

-

Edward was left with a lot to think about. He changed quickly into his running clothes, and headed out the back door. Steady footsteps slapped against the smooth ground. Ice-cold air bit at his skin and he put his hood up to keep out the cold. Funny how he hadn't felt cold at all the previous night. Exposed in the bitter brutality of a city night had been shockingly warm. How had Bella put it? It must have been the company.

The route he took came automatically. Edward did not need to think about corners and turns. At first, his mind when on it's natural path too - down one way Bella street. But the words his father and brother had said to him, kept niggling at him. Edward knew he had a long way to go before he could be the person he needed to be for her.

After yet another train journey, Edward was back on the station concourse. The sight of the bench made him shudder slightly and he quashed the self-doubt to do something proactive. Remembering the strength he felt last night, that adrenaline rush he's felt in past and spurred by the need to be active in this life, he made his way towards the security office.

He argued. He begged. He said a crime had been committed. He might have threatened legal action. The head security officer laughed, hoisted up his polyester pants, and informed Edward in no uncertain terms that unless there was a warrant, they do not hand over security tapes to anyone.

Dejected and disappointed, Edward slumped against the metal ledge underneath the window that had slammed in his face. What did he think that was going to achieve anyway?

"You okay sweetie?" A gentle voice made Edward turn his head. He was faced with a shelf-like chest bound in a blue shirt, buttons threatening to bust at any second. The name _Angela_ was printed on a shiny metal rectangle above her pocket. White teeth gleamed beside brown skin and that inimitable maternal tone rang in her voice.

"Oh. I'm fine. Just a run in with the helpful staff here," he replied.

"A-huh, I noticed the little commotion you caused. Old Harry there is about the crankiest soul on earth but he takes the rules seriously. If something happened to you, you gotta go the police and make a report."

"It's not like that." Edward sighed. "My friend was here last night and some guys started harassing her. Nothing major but she's pretty shook up and she's not the type to cause a fuss. All I wanted was to see for myself what had happened."

"The pretty little thing with the brown hair?" Angela asked.

"Yeah." His brow furrowed. "How did you know?"

"I've been working here nigh on twenty years. I don't miss a trick. I've seen you two chatting and making moon-eyes at each other on that bench over there." She paused as if thinking things over. Her eyes narrowed. "You sure you're not planning on going after this no-good with a gun?"

"No." Edward didn't have access to a gun. "I just need to know."

"Come on then." She hustled him into a small office marked 'Lost and Found' and returned after a few minutes with a tape. "This doesn't leave this room."

"Yes, Ma'am." Edward felt compelled to obey this woman. She possessed such kindness among chaos. They fast- forwarded through the tape until they found the unpleasant footage. It was horrible to watch Bella cringe away and see the sympathy and disapproval in the chocolate eyes of the matronly woman beside him. He freeze framed until he caught a clear shot of the perpetrator. Thankfully, he could stop before he had to endure seeing the horrible assault again. He studied the still screen, memorising the pinched face and sly eyes of the man. Edward vowed to never forget and someday he would put this knowledge to use.

"Thank you," he told Angela with heartfelt sincerity.

"You're welcome, honey." She cast her eyes back at the frozen image of Bella on the screen. "A girl like that, she needs looking after."

"Yeah," Edward replied. "I know."

-

He made it to the clinic by lunchtime and had absolutely nothing to do. He read the newspaper but did not touch the crossword. He couldn't bear to do it alone anymore. He won a few bucks playing poker online but quit while he has ahead. He cleaned up some puke he had the misfortune to discover in the supply closet. Maria the cleaner was eighty if she was a day, and it just wasn't right to leave that kind of mess for her.

All of that took approximately an hour and the rest of the time was spent thinking. His mind was full of Bella. His ears were full of the words Carlisle and Emmett had spoken. It was a lot to take in - the feelings and the changes and the old habits and the new desires all pulled him in different directions. He didn't know which path to follow.

The date in the corner of his computer screen caught his eye and surprised him. When did it get to be November? Time had passed and a…bond had developed between Edward and Bella. Surely they could be afforded a little more time to make things work.

Edward arrived at the station a full twenty minutes before necessary. He wouldn't make the same mistake twice. At the sight of Bella weaving through the crowd, his heart skipped a beat and his mind was untroubled for the first time since this morning.

She came to a stop just inches from his chest - a far cry from the times of awkward spaces.

"Hi." Bella's voice was almost shy and she smiled up at him with a blinding light. "Before you say anything, let me get this off my chest. You were so good to me last night and it was the first time in forever that someone looked after me. And it was nice. More than nice. And it was better because it was you. Because we have this thing, and I know you feel it too, that just works. And despite the nastiness or everything else, I forget myself when I'm with you. I get to leave it all behind. So…thanks. For all of that."

The statement stunned and humbled him. It validated him. It made him want to kiss away the words that were forming in his mouth. They crawled up his throat burning and making him choke. They stung and hurt but he knew what he had to do.

"Of course, Bella." He forced himself to smile. "That's what friends are for."

* * *

_Thanks so much for reading! Apologies for any typos/mistakes and I hope you enjoyed!__  
I'm so happy with all the kind and supportive reviews you are leaving. I am thrilled with the insights people give me into the characters is fascinating. I'm also loving any song recs too. It means the world to me that among all the fics out there, you choose to keep reading mine. If I could, I'd give you one of those yummy chocolate cakes.  
I'd like to know what people thought of that chapter. Do you get what I'm trying to do?  
Also, I love writing this Alice more than anything else in the world. And If anybody feels inclined to follow me on Twitter, feel free to do so. _


	14. Chapter 14

-

_The statement stunned and humbled him. It validated him. It made him want to kiss away the words that were forming in his mouth. They crawled up his throat burning and making him choke. They stung and hurt but he knew what he had to do._

"_Of course, Bella." He forced himself to smile. "That's what friends are for."_

-

When Bella was young, _friend _had seemed like such a simple word. Something nice and warm, like the cookies her neighbour used to share with her. For the most of her life, she boasted that her mom was her best friend and saw nothing wrong with doing so. As a toddler, she had also said repeatedly that she would marry her dad when she grew up. It seemed logical - her mom didn't want to be married to him and it would have been a good way to spend some time with him. She'd always liked the way he picked up wriggly worms and hooked them on his fishing pole. Long after she realised that was not an option for her, Bella still claimed her mother was her friend, never stopping to think that it wasn't the most supportive environment for her.

But still _friend _was a nice word back then. The kids that sat around her in school, were friends not classmates. Whenever some well-meaning relative asked her what her friends liked, or who they were, she could always drum up an answer. When Valentine's Day rolled around, it was fun to exchange one or two friendship cards, without any sense of embarrassment or hidden meanings. She had made and received bright woven friendship bracelets that year at craft camp. Heck, she even had some fond memories of epic _Friends_ marathon, on the threadbare couch back in Phoenix with Renee and bucket loads of popcorn.

But somewhere along the line, the word had lost it's appeal. Valentine's Day started being about hormonal crushes. She noticed the leer in the expression of the men her mother would introduce as a 'friend' in the kitchen in the morning. There was no-one to name when she was asked about school friends. Even Renee stopped being her friend eventually.

The older she got, the harder friends were to come by. Bella could hardly remember the last time someone had looked at her and called her a friend. She was unprepared for the sense of acceptance, the lack of pressure or expectation that came with the statement.

Edward placed his cold hand on the small of her back; she felt the pressure through the bulky coat he had given her. The small touch sent little tidal waves of warmth flowing through her body and for that moment, she regretted just a little that he hadn't used a stronger word than _friends. _Just a moment, and then the pangs were gone. She went back to being happy to be with him.

"Friends," Bella repeated, trying the word out for size.

"Yeah." Edward looked unsure. "That's okay isn't it?"

"Of course. You know, I don't have a lot of friends."

"Me neither. I've a tendency to rub people up the wrong way," he admitted.

"Really?"

"Yeah. In fact," He leaned in close, whispering lightly in her ear. "You're my only friend."

Bella swelled with that knowledge, full and warm with a sense of importance. A buzz rang out, the sound of Edward's phone and he began to search his pockets.

"Sorry. It's my mom," he said to Bella when he located the phone. She busied herself with watching the people walk by while he spoke. It usually kept her occupied when he wasn't here and this occasion was no exception. There was a lady wearing lipstick the deepest shade of purple Bella had ever seen.

But still, some of his hushed words drifted into her ears and she began to feel uncomfortable.

"Sorry about that." Edward shot her an apologetic look as he slipped the phone back into his pocket. It was hard for Bella not to stare at the way his slim hands rested in the crease of his jeans. "My mother was being snippy, making sure I was coming home for dinner."

"Oh. Did you…get in trouble for staying out last night?"

Edward laughed quietly and shook his head. "I'm nineteen, Bella. A little past getting grounded by Mommy and Daddy don't you think? They were just pissed that I didn't let them know."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. It's not your fault that they stick their noses where they don't belong."

"I'm sure they mean well, Edward. You've got people at home that care about you which is more than I can say."

"You're right." He looked a little ashamed. "I know that. I just don't always appreciate it, sorry."

"What are you apologizing for?" she asked.

"For going on about my family when…you know…you're alone here."

"Don't be. It's not your fault," she echoed his earlier words. "Besides, I'm not completely alone, am I?"

"No. You're definitely not alone." Edward gently squeezed her hand and spoke in words so quiet Bella didn't think she was meant to hear them. "And neither am I."

-

Just like that, Bella went from having no friends to speak of to having the very best friend in the entire world. Though she would never admit it, somewhere along the way Edward had become her world. She went to classes. She went to work. She studied and read and kept her head down and her outlook positive.

But those things were only the banalities of everyday life. They were the ordinary things, which only existed to be dull in comparison to the bright things. How could you appreciate the beauty of a sunrise if you hadn't been awake through the darkness of the night? Edward was the spark that brightened dull days.

He brought her coffee every morning they met and never accepted anything in return. He gave her compliments that made her blush pink and glow special. He met her in the library and helped her study. When Edward could, he explained the problems to her with painstaking patience, going over and over the math until her head swam and she finally got it right. It struck her in those moments, just how intelligent Edward was. How wasteful it was that he spent his days doing mindless busywork in an environment that was clearly stifling to him. Whenever the topic Bella slaved over was something he was unfamiliar with, Edward would offer encouraging words and gentle touches that often proved to more distracting than helpful.

But it was the thought that counted. Bella was just happy that he was even there. Thrilled that he would choose to spend his free time in a stuffy library with her. Sometimes she would find him reading through her notes or looking at her books with a mix of fascination and regret on his face. Whenever she asked him why, he would shrug and mutter something about being curious.

One evening he showed up with a stuffed brown envelope that Bella instantly recognised to be college prospectus and applications. She waited for him to mention it, but he merely smiled hello and began to leaf through the shiny pages. She watched as his posture grew tense and he hunched over the desk, gripping a pencil between his fingers. Illogical sadness crept under her skin as the prospect of Edward going away somewhere became very real to her. But it quickly subsided, as the idea of offering her stressed friend some comfort was more important.

She nudged him under the table, the worn canvas of her sneakers brushing against his muscled calf. He looked up, a tired smile on his face.

"Hey," she whispered. "Are you okay?"

Edward nodded. "These essays are just more difficult than I anticipated. I've no idea what I'm meant to write about or how I pretend to be something these places would want."

"You don't need to pretend. Who wouldn't want you?"

Edward dropped his pencil and sat back in his chair with his hands behind his head.

"You're too good to me," he murmured, his hair catching the fading light as he slowly shook his head. "Do you want to take a break?"

"Sure, I'll follow you out."

When Bella was sure he was safely out of view, she grabbed one of those yellow post-its from her bag and wrote a note to stick on Edward's form. A sigh of relief left her lips when she recognized the logo on the top of the page as the one on her own papers.

Scrawled in black ink, _**I know you can do it,** _was the message she left him.

Two days later, Bella grinned with joy when Edward told her he had sent in his applications.

-

As the depths of Winter became denser, Bella was increasingly stressed. Time was a scarce commodity, between work and school and studying, it seemed like there was never enough hours in the day. Never enough time to spend being happy with Edward.

Her grades still weren't as high as she would have liked and exam time was fast approaching. Her bank account was still emptier than she would have liked, and the problem of next semesters tuition hung over her like a dark cloud. It was too cold and her bedroom was so damp she could feel the moisture in her lungs. She was too thin, too tired and felt too often that she was swimming against the strongest current.

If it wasn't for the little flashes of light that came with Edward in her life, she thought she might have given up. The warmth she felt when he smiled at her. The way she laughed when he told her anecdotes about his family. The assuredness of his arm around her shoulders, the frequency of his innocent touches and the sparks she felt when his strong hand wrapped around hers.

These were the things that kept her going.

And the phone-calls. They were the things that chased away the nightmares. Every night, Bella would tiptoe down to the payphone in the lobby and dial Edward's number. She knew it by heart. The phone would ring just once in her ear and then he would immediately call her back. She would hunch under the wooded stairs in the harsh hallway and listen to his sleepy voice. He would tell her about his evening, what he was doing, what he had for dinner. She would speak about work and tell her own little stories. All utterly mundane but completely extraordinary to them.

Then she would creep back up to her narrow bed and shiver under thin blankets. But with his music in her ears and his voice fresh in her mind, Bella would feel almost normal.

-

Thanksgiving came and went. The excess of it all made Bella feel a little disgusted. All those people gorging on food, plump and bloated like a farmed turkey, never stopping to think about those who had nothing. It wasn't her nature to be jealous or bitter but the whole thing seemed to wasteful. So unnecessary. Weren't there better ways to be thankful for what you had?

Bella spent the day at the restaurant with Sam, Emily and a various other people they had rounded up to give a warm welcome to on a potentially lonely day. She was the only American born person in the motley crew, and they spent the day discussing new traditions and sharing tales and recipes of their homelands. The things these people were thankful for were vastly different from the phrases she had heard in other times and places. Freedom. Shelter. Health. Family. She had overheard some girl in her class say she was thankful for beer pong and lipgloss.

Edward told her he was thankful for his family and friends.

Bella knew she was his only friend.

She was just grateful for all that she had. And even more thankful that she possessed the ability to appreciate it.

She had fun day, tried some new things and learned a little bit. She made her obligatory call to her Charlie. It was awkward and distant and at first, Bella felt bad because she was telling him half-truths. Then he told her he had to run, his step-children were waiting on him. She slammed down the phone, hot tears in her eyes and hissing through gritted teeth.

She received an e-card from Renee to mark the occasion. Some sickly looking animated pumpkin pie. It baffled her. She's always hated pumpkin and her mother knew it. The smell made her nauseous. The texture made her gawk. Bella couldn't understand why she would choose to send that to her only child. The picture had orange sparkles, for pete's sake.

Later in the day she noticed that one of Emily's guests had blusher the same tangerine colour. The elderly lady was boasting in thickly accented English - her daughter was beautiful, her son was strong. She had a Jacuzzi bath _and_ a walk in wardrobe.

Excess evidently had no cultural boundaries.

Bella returned her focus to her knitting. The clicking of the needles, the rhythm of the stitches and the sharp sting on the tip of her index finger combined to serve as a distraction. Otherwise the loneliness and the pitying looks would have been too much to bear.

Edward was gone to visit his brother with the rest of the family. Bella tried not to be jealous, even when she had overheard him upgrading his family's airplane tickets to first class. From what she had gathered, Edward desperately missed the company of his brother and really, she was happy that he got to spend some time with him.

She pictured Edward in a fancy restaurant, surrounded by warm faces with gleaming white teeth. She wondered would he smile and join in the celebrations or if he was sullen in the corner, intense as ever and maybe even thinking about her. She wondered, if he had ever told them about their friendship. If the important people in Edward's life knew about the lonely girl who felt lost without him.

She had shown him all of her, even the parts she would have rather kept locked away. And sometimes Bella wondered if all she got in return were little snapshots of him. Pretty little images pictures or stark empty pictures that only told part of the story.

Bella spent the majority of the year being positive and thankful for what she had in life. Thanksgiving was the day she decided to wallow in self-pity.

-

After returning from his trip, Edward opened his nightly phone call to Bella with a proposition.

"Alice wants to meet you," he said. "I can't put her off any longer. She's planning on heading into the city tomorrow to catch the last of the post-Thanksgiving sales and I was thinking we could meet up and grab some lunch."

This was the first time Edward had ever mentioned meeting his family and Bella panicked a little. The odds of her making a good impression on Edward's beloved little sister were slim to none.

"I'm working the early shift and I have a paper to finish," she stammered. "I can't meet until late afternoon."

"Whenever suits you, Bella. Unless you don't want to. It's perfectly understandable, I mean, I know I might have made Alice out to be a bit of a handful but she's really a sweetheart underneath it all and she's desperate to meet you but -"

"Edward. I'd love to meet her. Just tell her not to expect to much."

"Of you? I've already told her how funny and clever and amazing you are so it's a bit late for that," he replied.

"I sincerely hope you are joking."

"I'm being completely honest, Bella."

Her cheeks were hot against the receiver.

"So tomorrow then?" She changed the subject. "On the steps around four?"

"Sounds great. And Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I really missed you these last couple days."

"Yeah, me too."

-

The batteries died in her alarm clock causing her to oversleep. There was no hot water in the shared bathroom and the remnants of ten beers and a kebab in the sink. Her hair was lank and greasy and she had to cover it with that embarrassing hat Emily had made her. A blemish to rival Mount Vesuvius had appeared on her chin. Her jeans hung too low on her hips and too baggy on her ass. She got her period unexpectedly and had to scrounge a tampon from the hardnosed girl who lived across the hall. She cut her finger at work and lost an entire page of her paper when the stupid public computer she was working on overheated and shut down without warning.

She didn't know why she was even bothering. The chances of her managing another semester in college were growing slimmer by the day.

In short, it was a bad day.

Ordinarily, on bad days Bella would paste a smile on her face and hope for the best. Or she would look forward to speaking with Edward, knowing that he always cheered up her up. Even when he didn't realise it.

But not today. She was too busy being petrified about meeting Edward's sister to focus on anything. Would she like her? Would she judge her? Would Bella be able to think of anything to say?

Bella's mind was in overdrive as she typed furiously. Her fingers stung and her face burned and her shirt clung to her body with sweat. The deadline for her assignment was creeping closer and so was the time she had agreed to meet Edward. She hit 'submit' with minutes to spare and took off out of the library like a bat out of hell. She barrelled through the streets. Strands of hair blew wild around her face, irritating her skin and itching her eyes. Her backpack flapped against her in an annoying rhythm that matched her emotions. Up and down. High and low. The heaviness was always there, whether she felt the weight or not.

The stone steps came into her view but Bella paid them no heed. She was too busy searching the area, trying to spot Edward or Alice. Then she was falling, balance gone and feet fumbling. Her hands went out instinctively, trying to protect her body and the sting of concrete and gravel was immediate on her palms. Her knees hit next, denim shredded and skin grazed. She felt the wet trickle of blood and the searing and the searing pain and tears were burning her eyes.

Bella stayed on the ground for just a minute longer than necessary, waiting to see if Edward would appear and help her up. He did not.

With the sluggishness of an arthritic old woman, she began to pull herself to her feet and try dust herself off. She examined her filthy hands, her bloodied knees and her torn jeans. She was a complete mess. There was no she could meet anybody in this state.

"You okay, sweetie?"

Bella looked through the film of her tears and the gentlest face she had ever seen. Kind eyes and coconut smell and warm smile. Also a railway staff uniform and the name _Angela _on shiny tag.

"I'm fine," she replied in a small voice.

"Child, you don't look fine." The lady's voice was skeptical but not unkind. "You look like you've been pulled through a hedge backwards. Let's go get you cleaned up."

Bella tried to protest. She could look after herself and stammered out an excuse. "I'm meeting…my friend." It was one of those situations where friend was too casual of a word.

"You don't want to go meeting your _friend_ looking like this. Come on girl, let Angela look after you."

All Bella could do was nod and follow her into the station. She found herself enclosed in a warm little office that was messy in that organized way. There was no doubt in her mind that this kind stranger could lay her hands to anything with her eyes closed, though it seemed chaotic to Bella. Stacks of files and abandoned coffee cups littered the desks. Shelves were crammed with the most random objects - phones, paper bags, stuffed animals, a football. Angela moved some old newspapers from rickety chair and indicated that Bella should sit down. She handed her a tissue for her eyes and unearthed a first aid box from beneath a crochet baby blanket.

"This place is like a treasure trove, yeah?" Angela asked, watching the way Bella examined the room. "You'd be amazed at the stuff people leave behind here."

"You keep it all?" Bella asked, gazing at overdue library books and single gloves.

"For a while, at least. Procedure is, we keep it three months and if no-one comes looking then it goes to charity or the dump. But I've been known to bend the rules upon occasion. Some of these things that nobody looks for, well they must have meant something to someone once. Someone loved that teddy bear, or read that book, or worked hard to buy the things they lose. Seems…wasteful just to dismiss something just because it got misplaced," Angela explained, tending to Bella's cuts and grazes. Her large calloused fingers were feather soft on Bella's skin - cleaning, disinfecting and dressing the minor wounds. She even cleaned the grime and blood that had accumulated on Bella's cheeks when she frantically tried to wipe away evidence of her misery. Bella imagined Angela had looked after many people in her time, wiped snot from little noses and changed countless diapers.

"Th -thanks," Bella stammered, looking at the clock on the wall. It was just like the one in her old school. In fact, it was just like every clock in every official building she had ever been in - stark and there to remind you you're time was not your own.

"No bother, sweetie. I didn't catch your name…"

"Bella. And you're Angela, right?"

"Sure am. Well, Bella. You got somewhere you need to be? Or were you trying to get away from somewhere you didn't want to be? You were in an awful hurry out there."

"I'm meant to be meeting…someone." Bella didn't know what word to use. It was one of those situations were _friend _would have seemed like a lie.

"Someone special?" Angela pressed, eyes glinting.

Bella blushed.

"A boy?"

Bella nodded.

"I see." Angela was quiet. The clock ticked and Edward would be waiting. But the silence called Bella to fill it and Angela's patient almost-smile made Bella want to talk. And share. And whine in the way you only can to another female.

"I'm supposed to meet Edward and his sister and 'do something'. But I don't know what the something is. I'm pretty sure I can't afford_ anything _and they're gonna insist on paying which will be all kinds of awkward My hair is greasy and I look like a freakin' hobo…"

"Child, I have seen more than my fair share of hobos in this line of word and you sure as hell don't look like one. Now those jeans ain't great but I bet we can do something about it." Angela began to rifle through the shelves while Bella scolded herself for her outburst. She hadn't mean to sound so shallow. Angela produced a paper bag and handed it to Bella.

"I can't take these," she began to protest as was her automatic response. "These clothes are brand new."

"They've been here coming up on six months and nobody's claimed 'em. Whatever little rich girl lost her shopping ain't coming back for it." Angela said, ushering Bella to the little toilet in the corner of the room. "Put them on. There's a shirt in there too if you want to change. Why shouldn't you have them?"

Bella agreed with her. Why shouldn't she have nice things for a change? She dressed quickly, stuffing her discarded clothes into her backpack. She pulled off the hat too, and tried to make herself feel good about her reflection. As Bella readied herself, Angela spoke to her through the paper thin door. She told Bella about some of the strangest things that had been found in the station over the years. She told her how she never would have had any luxuries only for this place. Bella smiled at the Robin hood image in her head.

When Bella emerged, Angela puffed a little bit of baby powder at her - to help hide the grease- and began to braid Bella's thick locks. She closed her eyes and relaxed at the sensations. When she was little, she used to love the feeling of her mom doing her hair. Renee's braids were always too loose though, and there would always be clumps of hair coming loose by morning break. Angela's fingers were nimble and they wound Bella's hair into a tight braid that somehow managed to look stylish.

"I was gonna root out some make-up for you but you don't need it," Angela said. "You're pretty enough already."

Bella smiled at the compliment and decided not to question the hygiene of using makeup that had been touched and worn by a stranger before her. After a glance at the clock, Bella leapt to her feet.

"Shoot. I'm so late." She looked at Angela, trying to convey thanks and apology in her eyes.

"Go on then," Angela ushered her towards the door.

"I…how can I thank you?" Bella was struck by the kindness she had just experienced. "I don't know what I would have done if -"

"You don't have to thank me, sweetie." Angela cut her off. "Just come back and see me some time and we'll call it even."

"I'd like that."

"Ain't that your boy waiting over there?" Angela pointed to a worried looking Edward, standing tall by a marble pillar. "You better go to him. He cares about you more than you know."

With a fleeting smile and goodbye, Bella darted off to meet Edward. Too pleased at the sight of him to wonder about Angela's last words.

It was only when she reached his side, that Bella realised Edward was alone.

"There you are," Edward smiled a weak greeting. "I was starting to worry."

"Sorry." Bella didn't explain herself. There was something about her little encounter with Angela that she wanted to keep private. "Where's Alice?"

"She's not coming."

Bella felt a pang of rejection, as irrational as it was. All this fuss and Alice hadn't even shown up. But then she swallowed that down, just like she'd forced back the nerves she had felt in the Lost and Found office, and tried to look on the bright side. If only she knew what that was.

Edward was looking tense, troubled by something deep in his brain and Bella wanted to make him smile again.

"Wanna get out of here?" she asked.

"Yes please." Edward guided her by the elbow towards the door, relief clear on his tense expression. "You look really pretty today, Bella."

The quiet words seemed to come so easily to him. She smiled at the compliment, not because she wanted his approval on her looks, but because he had said it like it was the most natural thing in the word.

The streets were dark and the cold night air put colour in her cheeks. They walked aimlessly along the path and Bella was reminded of that other night when they had walked and talked all night. She wished that Edward would take her hand in his again.

"Do you like the lights?" Edward asked, glancing up to the Christmas decorations already adorning the streets.

"They're pretty," Bella answered, thinking about how she felt about them. "But some of it's a little unnecessary."

"Really? I thought you'd love them."

"They're different to what I'm used to," Bella said. "But they are pretty. Can you imagine all the work and planning that went into them? They must really cheer people up too. And little kids, I bet they love them…" She trailed off, distracted by the way the lights sparkled against concrete buildings and the night sky.

Edward laughed dryly. "I knew you would like them. Alice goes crazy for this kind if stuff. She's bugging Esme already to put the tree up. She was really looking forward to coming into the city to see the decorations."

"Why didn't she come?"

"Esme thought it would be better for her to stay at home."

Bella creased her eyebrows at the cryptic answer, wondering if Edward's mother didn't want Alice to meet her.

"My sister's always been…highly strung," he said, voice searching for the right words.

"Must run in the family," Bella joked, trying to lighten the mood. Edward huffed a small laugh, most likely out of manners than genuine amusement.

"Alice was really excited about tonight. She's been dying to meet you and I think she cooked up some happy little plan involving shopping and movies and all sorts of fun activities. She got really worked up and nervous and freaked out a little," Edward paused, letting out a defeated sigh. "She couldn't find her favourite scarf and got really upset, irrational almost. Our mom thought it best that she stayed home. She'll bring her to the mall tomorrow."

"I was really looking forward to meeting her. But we can do it another time right?" Bella asked, not quite sure what to make of the strange excuse. She got the impression that Edward was being honest, but doing his best to play it down.

"Sure." He nodded, distracted and eyes far away. "The thing is, I knew where her scarf was."

"Why didn't you tell her?"

"Remember the night we stayed out?" Edward didn't wait for an answer. "Alice really worried that night. She didn't tell me the details but I know how she gets. When I got home the next morning, I found her scarf in my room. I guess she'd been waiting there, fretting or something. It had a big hole in it, like she'd been picking at it. That's what she does when she gets upset. She pulls threads, picks at the skin around her fingernails…I found it and stuffed it down the back of the couch. When she was looking for it today, I didn't know how to bring it up. So I just, said nothing."

"What colour was the scarf?" Bella asked, forming a plan.

"Orange." Edward looked at her oddly. "That's really not the point here, Bella. I messed up because I didn't know how to deal with the situation and poor Alice is home alone _again. _I feel guilty, rightly so, but I'm also kind of glad that it's just the two of us and that makes me just about the biggest asshole going and -"

They had stopped walking and Bella reached up, placing her finger against his lips to quiet him.

"We all mess up sometimes, Edward."

"Some more than others," he muttered against her finger.

"Listen, you're not responsible for Alice's whims. What happened wasn't ideal but you can't beat yourself up over it." Bella moved her hand over to the cold, soft skin of his cheek. "Don't let this ruin the night."

"Thank you, Bella." Edward placed his hand over hers. She could feel his cheeks lift into a smile. "Do you fancy going to a movie?"

"Really?" Bella couldn't conceal her enthusiasm. It had been too long since she had gone to see movie in a cinema, sat in the dark and had hot buttered popcorn melt in her mouth.

"That movie is opening today, the one everyone is talking about. If we hurry we can catch the next show."

"Sure." Bella smiled, bright and genuine and the hurried down the street to the movie theatre. As happy as she was, especially since this didn't seem like a _friends _thing to do, she couldn't help but think that maybe Edward was tired of talking.

He insisted on paying for the tickets and the food. Claiming that it was his idea and therefore he should be the one to foot the bill. Bella made minimal protests before deciding to relax and let him.

Then they were sinking into plush seats in the semi-dark theatre. The previews had yet to start and Bella was experiencing that flurry of anticipation that always came with waiting for the lights to go down and the movie to start. The room was warm and comfortable, with Edward's shoulder against hers and his hand brushing hers on the armrest. With subtle touches and furtive glances, this did not feel like _friends. _

Bella began to let her fingers glide up and down Edward's knuckles, feeling the sharp bones and cold flesh and uneven skin. He tensed up and so did Bella, when he snatched his hand out from under hers. But then, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders pulled her even closer. The lights went down and she melted against him, troubles forgotten and completely relaxed.

Edward had bought a mountain of food and Bella felt a twinge, when she remembered going to the movies with her mother and sneaking generic brand treats in their bags. They feasted on gallons of coke, mountains of popcorn and mounds of chocolate and candy. Edward disappeared halfway through and returned with ice-cream. They shared a spoon and Bella giggled quietly when she missed Edward's mouth and the icecream landed on his nose instead.

Bella enjoyed the movie, though she was always aware of Edward's proximity to her in the dark and the flutter he caused in her chest. Edward seemed to mostly watch Bella. His eyes were on her more often than they were focused on the screen and a lazy half-smile played on his lips. He played with the loose strands of hair at the end of her plait.

"I wish your hair was down," Edward whispered absentmindedly. Bella was certain he could feel the heat radiating from her skin at his words. None of this felt like _friends._

When the movie ended and the lights came one, Bella blinked and stretched. It was amazing how quickly she had become accustomed to the dark and the closeness. Edward kept his hand on her back as they navigated through the crowds streaming out of the theatre.

"Do you want to get something to eat?" he asked when they came out into the fresh air.

Bella shook her head. "I'm stuffed from all that junk food. How about we walk around a bit, if that's okay with you?"

"Sure," Edward agreed, and they began to stroll through the city streets. "Did you enjoy the movie?"

"Yeah. It was pretty good. The acting was a bit wooden though. Did you like it?"

"I liked watching it with you."

They walked around, chatting and window-shopping and admiring the lights, until it was too late and too cold to stay out any longer. Outside Bella's miserable door, Edward paused and looked more broken than she had ever seen him. There was pain in his eyes of a different sort.

"Is it very bad?" he asked, inclining his head towards Bella's dwellings. "Living there?"

"It could be worse," she replied.

"You're avoiding my question."

"No," Bella said firmly. "It's not great, but it's not very bad. I can cope."

"I wish you didn't have to cope. I wish I could do more, be more, for you." Edward's voice was strained and earnest. Instincts trumping logic, Bella closed the space between them and wrapped her arms tightly around his waist, drawing Edward into a tight hug.

"You're more than enough," she said against his chest. There was such fierceness in his embrace and emotion in his eyes, that Bella was almost sure that he believed her.

* * *

_Thanks again to everyone who continues to share such lovely support for this story. It really means a lot to me that you are sticking with it.  
I look forward to seeing your thoughts on this chapter._


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